As the Mind Flexes...

It doesn't matter...

2009-09-20T20:09:00.002-05:00

...anymore. It doesn't matter what I do, what I say, when, or why. It doesn't. Someone told me that I deal in absolutes too much. I say, well, what else is there? Either you like it, or you don't. Either it is a truth or a lie. Where is the grey? Is that the compromise? I'm sure it is, but if one person feels like they are doing all the compromising and the other one isn't doing anything...then what? Then what??? I am at a place right now where I don't care about anything...and it scares me. It scares me because I don't know how to not feel like this. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to...I don't know what I want to do...I don't know. I don't know why...I just don't.

I guess I'm done...

at work...

2009-05-25T22:11:00.003-05:00

...and I'm bored. I'm not bored due to lack of calls...but due to lack of people...there is no one here at all. All three of the people that sit by me are out today for the holiday, but because my employer is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week...someone has to be here, and today that someone is me. Granted, my shift is almost over, I've got like, one hour and fourteen minutes left...actually now there is an hour and eight minutes left...whatever....let me stop complaining, I'm getting paid double time and a half!

Be Smart or Be Smitten!

Forever and a Day...

2009-05-18T10:46:00.002-05:00

...since I was able to call in to work and get paid for it...Amazing feeling it is. Over time I have come to realize that my life will never be the same again, and that isn't a negative statement...it's a positive truth. It should never be the same again...never. Why would I want it to be? Isn't the point of life to grow up, to figure out, reflect on the wrongs you do, and adjust and or change so that you don't repeat the same mistakes? For some reason though, the more I hear people talk, they complain about changes...Now even though change makes me feel unsettled sometimes, I would never want to go back to where I was...I'm extremely happy that I'm not in that state of mind anymore...I'm glad of the fact that everyday when I wake up, I get a whole new chance to be a better person, a whole new chance to improve, to grow mentally and spiritually...it's a beautiful thing.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Radio

2009-05-15T11:35:00.002-05:00

A couple of people at my job have a podcast radio show...and it kinda sucks. I mean, it has some potential to be good, but for some reason they keep cursing for no apparent reason at all. Not that I have something against an expletive tossed in here and there for effect...but this is just kinda pointless...It's like watching a movie, and waiting for something to happen, and it never quite happens...Even the subject matter, they don't know quite enough to keep the show interesting. It just sounds like a mediocre conversation between two people, but three people are actually there, and it's a four person show...ughhhh....annoying...so annoying...

Be Safe or Be Smitten...

Moment of Calm...

2009-04-29T22:21:00.002-05:00

...and it feels good! These people on the phones are absolutely nuts...like a brand new type of nuts...I know you "need" your services and all...but come on, it's just cable and internet...even with phone service, most of the people calling in have at least two other phones...it's funny but not funny...whatever. At least I have a job right?

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Don't get me wrong...

2009-04-27T20:17:00.003-05:00

...I know I get paid to take calls, but why must the people be so stupid? I don't get it. This lady called because her cable didn't work...come to find out her power was out...really lady?

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Feeling It...

2009-04-27T18:07:00.005-05:00

...I'm not...I wish I was though...I just got one sale as I started this post, but otherwise today is the wackness at work...I can't wait until May 17, because then I can start taking days off...I did get my passport squared away though, so that's good...

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

My Wife

2009-04-26T19:29:00.002-05:00

...is amazing. I really love her, and I love our relationship. It's not always perfect, but nothing is. I mean, just the way she looks at me, her laugh, her smile, the way she puts her hair behind her ears...the way she smiles at me with her eyes...her little nose, and the fact that she can wiggle her ears. I love her SO SO SO SO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!! I don't know what my life would be like without her, I can't imagine being with anyone else...she's smart when I'm not, tough where I'm not...she is my equal opposite giver of balance...my one, my all...my wife. A tough little woman, but scared of insects...my chef...my prayer warrior...my peacemaker...my little sweetheart with tiny little feet...I love her more than she can ever figure out. She's the person that drives me to be a better man, a better husband, a better Christian, and a better person...Overall, I truly enjoy my life...and I can't wait to see what comes in our future...

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Sunday Afternoon

2009-04-26T16:04:00.002-05:00

...and we are at the old roomate's house having an improptu barbeque...hamburgers, hot dogs, and 'hot sausage'...it was cool. We're having fun, talking, laughing, complaining about the trifling church people...I miss my family, but I enjoy being with my wife and hanging out with my new friends...my life is going very well right now...

Be Safe or Be Smitten...

Waiting on the Barber...

2009-04-25T08:56:00.002-05:00

...to open up the shop...it opened at 9 and it's 9:58 right now...trifling, right? Yeah, I know. I need to get my passport today, but I need to get my beard chopped down first, I'm not trying to look like no Super Muslim in my passport pic...is that racist? If it is I don't care, because I know they aren't profiling any black people for blowing up planes...it's super nice out today, so I am glad that I am off today...unlike next week...oh well, I'll be able to start flexing out of work soon enough...

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

training

2009-04-24T10:06:00.002-05:00

Well, it's my last day of training, so Monday I'll be back on the nightshift...and that sucks. I liked coming home everyday like a normal person...I guess it'll only be for a little while...as for training...it's still wack, and repetitive...and redundant. I learned a little bit at the start of training, but now we are doing hookups, and I remember all this stuff from my old job at Circuit City...ughh...at least it's Friday, right?

Be Safe or Be Smitten...

2009-04-20T12:45:00.001-05:00

OMG...this is so wack

Still training...

2009-04-20T12:04:00.004-05:00

I'm back in training again, and I'm not really feeling it. I'm sitting next to a lonely and loud chick that is begging for attention, and across from adude that chews Marijuana gum. It's all types of wack in here...but it's still better than working at night...

Be Safe or Be Smitten...

What makes you...

2009-04-19T20:06:00.002-05:00

...an adult? I was thinking about this when I was ironing my shirt yesterday. It was like, as I was standing there, I just realized that I was an adult...but what qualifies me as one? To be perfectly honest, I don't feel any different than I was when I was a teenager...I know I do have a different decision making process now, and I'm way fatter than I was back then...but that's about it. I just saw myself from high school to college, college to working, and working to marriage....which isn't a bad thing, but I mean, at the risk of sounding really trite, it went by way faster than I thought it would.

I don't quite know what I expected to happen inside...I guess I just thought that something would click over, and I'd be an adult...and I suppose it did, but it just didn't happen the way I thought it would. I'm happy, I'm have a decent job...I'm very happily married...things are good. Better than good...but thinking of myself as an adult is weird. Very weird. I just thought I would be more, I dunno, old. I thought the things I like would change drastically, or that I'd start watching amc all the time...or that I'd drink tea every morning...not that amc and tea are bad things, or that they are only for old people...does anyone know what I'm talking about?

Be Safe or Be Smitten...

Stuff you don't Think about...

2009-04-11T14:57:00.002-05:00

...like getting a haircut. It's something I never really put any thought into back home...if I needed a haircut, I would just stop by my boy's house, and it'd get taken care of. Since I've been here, I'm on my second barber now...why do you ask? What happened to the first one? He's M.I.A. I have no idea where he is...I mean, he is a good dude, but he just went off the deep end and left his parents' house over some foolishness. So now I'm get my haircut in the next town over from where I live...and these cats are tripped out. They seem nice, but tripped out...I sant even begin to explain it to you, they are truly a sight to behold...but as long as my hair is straight, I could care less...

Be Safe or Be Smitten

3 month anniversary...

2009-04-11T10:31:00.002-05:00

...and it feels like so much longer. I'm not saying it like that's a bad thing...it just feels like I've been married forever. I can't really think of a time without Liz...it's kinda weird when I think about it too much. But then again, it's all kinda weird if I think about it to much...but I do love it, I love it all...just because.

Be Safe or Be Smitten

I really have to pee...

2009-04-10T14:59:00.002-05:00

...but instead I'm at my training desk acting like I'm working...why is that you ask? I'm trying to save that break for about 430ish, close to 5. I'm also trying to schedule more training so I can work the day shift a little bit longer...I know I really don't feel like being here right now...welpers, Happy Jesus Came back Day!

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

I actually do miss...

2009-04-09T10:09:00.002-05:00

...blogging. It was very theraputic...helped me figure out a lot about myself, and it helped me find a wife...it's been very good to me...but living in NJ, working second shift, being married...it has kept me busy, and it has kept me happy. I really only blogged when I was angry, or hurt, or just lost. Finding a peace in my life, something that I didn't get from drinking, or going to clubs, or even writing in this space. That's the only thing that I can see that has kept me away from blogging...but now I have a G1, so I think I'll be blogging more often now...or at least I'll try to!

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Friendly Visits and Surprises

2009-03-21T10:32:00.002-05:00

I know it's been a while, but I've been busy trying to unpack my stuff finally...I've been here since December, but because Liz's roomate didn't move as soon as she said she would...so I'm just now able to unpack my suitcases and organize my stuff...stuff meaning clothes and shoes. The whole process is making this apartment feel more like home...and I love it.

This past week was Liz's birthday, and I felt bad because we weren't able to throw the skating party like we had originally planned to....so instead I threw her a surprise dinner party at this restaurant/"club" called Swanky Bubbles...Nina came through and some of her family and friends came...it was hard keeping the dinner from her, but I felt like I needed to do something nice for her...she deserved it. We had a lot of fun, and she was really excited about it...I'm just glad that it went over well, even though about 40% of the guests didn't show...but you can't win'em all...

My friend Jon is here visiting for a while, and I'm excited. I haven't seen him in a while, and it's nice having him around...For whatever reason, I don't really feel like writing right now, so I'll have to come back when there isn't so much going on, and I have time to really write what I'm feeling right now.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Training Recap

2009-03-11T02:37:00.002-05:00

Yeah, I know I haven't blogged in a while, and there is some stuff that I probably should cover...but I doubt if I will...I mean, I went to Sneakercon on the first, and I took a bunch of pictures and they are on my facebook...but I don't feel like reposting them five at a time here on blogger, and I don't really feel like talking about the experience there anymore...

...so what is it that I'm going to blog about?

I FINALLY LIVE ALONE WITH LIZ!!!

Well, I've lived in NJ since like, late December, but her roommate was still here...now the roommate told be she was going to be gone by like, January 1st...but she stayed until around last weekend...ughh...Don't get me wrong, she's cool as a person, but horrible to live with. Just messy and lazy...I can't deal with those as a package. I could deal with a neat lazy person, or a messy person that was on the move...but both? Nope, can't do it. To be for real, I'm just glad that clothing is optional at all times now...it's so freeing.

As for work, it is what it is. We talked about Rihanna and Chris Brown yesterday, along with the current state of the economy. We covered TO going to the Buffalo Bills, and the possibility of Micheal Vick going to the UFL. We discussed Arena Football, and 'The Opera' by RKelly...and like, one solid hour of a system that Co.mcast uses to reboot a modem. It was totally pointless.

Oh well.

Strangely enough though, I'm not really expecting things to turn south. Usually around the time stuff starts to go well, I try to brace myself for disappointment...but honestly, I think I've learned that it'll only show up if I sit around to wait for it...

BTW, yes it's like, 4am, and I wish I was sleeping, but my sinuses are on crack. I've really tried some of everything, and nothing at all is working. Nothing. And for whatever reason, no one understands. They think I'm lying or something...or that they are so much smarter than me, and that I must not have tried this, because this works for everyone! Yeah, not only have I tried that, I tried it twice, and the third time was extra strength. At this point, it feels like the only thing that will open these jokers up would be either fire or cocaine, and I'm not looking to throw either of them up my nostrils.

Please help!

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Am I Comcastic?

2009-03-05T03:08:00.002-06:00

I'm not sure yet...but I know one thing for sure...training is next to worthless. Do you know what I did yesterday? Watched tv, talked about current events, had lunch, then I played catch for an hour...while I was at work. We really didn't even start working until about three o'clock...it was nuts. I'm not too mad about it, but it felt completely ridiculous.

Sneakercon was super dope, I took a lot of pictures and I met a lot of people...I want to post some pics online, but it's like...4:11am here right now, and I'm only posting because I felt bad...I posted them on my facebook, so if you know how to find me there, you can see them...otherwise, you'll have to wait for a little while...I met the Mayor, STASH, and DJ Clark Kent...all three are super big in the sneaker community for different reasons...If you don't know, Google it...it will be totally worth it.

I'll try to get on tonight before I go to see 'Watchmen' and post some of the better pics of the day, and I'll also give you the breakdown on how no one wanted to buy anything, they only wanted to trade...

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Life as I know it...

2009-02-28T00:25:00.002-06:00

...is pretty good. I feel good for the most part, and work isn't too annoying yet...not to the point where I can't take it...but something is still bothering me.

I feel like I'm on the brink of something; on the brink of something big...I just don't know what that is yet.

I'll let you know what it is when I found out...

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

I don't think I remembered...

2009-02-26T18:26:00.002-06:00

...that training is the most boring part of work. I mean, the first few days were pretty easy, going over like, the basics of the internet and what exactly are Windows? Now we are going over the actual system, and it is getting very redundant...and when it gets redundant I get bored...but hopefully I won't feel like that tomorrow.

As for this weekend, I'm going to Manhattan with Liz and a couple of friends of ours for a sneaker convention that we are going to be in. Wish us Luck!

44 Things...

2009-02-23T22:54:00.003-06:00

I posted this in Facebook...and I don't feel like writing tonight, but I prob will tomorrow...

Enjoy!

1. Do you like blue cheese? with wings, sure.

2. Have you ever been drunk? Yep, sure have.

3. Do you own a gun? Nope.

4. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite? Grape...I know, no one ever says that...

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not at all...

6. What do you think of hot dogs? They are ok...but better when I'm super hungry.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? Charlie Brown Christmas...Christmas Story is hilarious too though...

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee or water

9. Can you do push ups? I can, but I don't try very often.

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My ring.

11. Favorite hobby? Finding dope sneaks for cheap...and blogging.

12. Do you have A.D.D.? Nah, I just don't pay attention to stuff very long.

13. What's your favorite shoe? As of late, my Appetite for Destruction Dunk Lows, and my Back to School scribble dunk highs

14. Middle name? James

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? Why do I feel like I need to throw up? My shins are cold. When are my new sneakers gonna be here?

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Water, coffee, and as of late, Ginger Ale

17. Current worry? Finding a new car...

18. Current hate right now? People that get in my business, especially when they don't know me.

19. What do you wish for in the coming year? Happiness

20. How did you bring in the New Year? At Church...

21. Where would you like to go? Japan, England, Italy, France, Russia, China...and Kenya.

22. who are the people who will complete this? Jon will eventually...that's about it.

24. What color shirt are you wearing right now? Black

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? I really never have, but I think it would be like sleeping on a woman's head scarf...Do all black chicks use Motions Hair Conditioner?

26. Can you whistle? Yes...but I guess it'll only be useful if my daughter wins the Oscar for Best Actress.

27. Favorite color? Black

28. Would you be a pirate? Nope...scurvy isn't fly.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Don't Trust them new Niggas over there!

30. Favorite girl's Name? Sasha

31. Favorite boy's name? Rufus...but that's really what I want to name my dog.

32. What's in your pocket right now? My cell phone.

33. Last thing that made you laugh? The fact that our trainer had us watch Justin Timberlake's 'Cry me a River' music video as a class for no apparent reason at all.

34. Best bed sheets as a child? I don't really remember...I think they were kinda regular, except for the fact that they usually didn't match.

35. Worst injury you've ever had as a child? I broke my femur when I was about 9 or 10...it was bad news.

36. What are your plans for the future? Get another car, get a passport, and stack some dough.

37. Do you walk around the house naked? I do when I know the roomate is gone...when she is gone for good, it's Freeballin' 2009!

38. Who is your loudest friend? Liz

39. How many dogs do you have? None; but I prob will have one after a while.

40. Does someone have a crush on you? Yeah, my trainer at work...she's a weirdo.

41. What is your favorite book? Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

42. What is your favorite candy? Skor Bar...it's super old.

43. Favorite Sports Team? I like the White Sox, the Bears, and the Bulls...but the Cubs can kick rocks.

44. Do you feel fat? Only when I walk next to skinny people.

Be Safe or Be Smitten

Family

2009-02-21T16:48:00.002-06:00

My friend just had his second kid, a baby girl named Khloe...I mean, he and his wife both have K-names, so they decided to name their kids with k-names...yeah, I know it's gay...

...but it got me to thinking: What type of father would I be? I would hope that I'm stern, but fair. Open, but have the boundries of respect in their proper places. Have rules, but let them have a little freedom...I...I really just don't know. I know I will have children, and I feel that I would be a good father, I just don't know what type I'd be...it's so much...even just thinking about it. There is SOOOOOOOOO much that goes into raising a little person...even thinking about it brings tears to my eyes...it's, it's a nice feeling...but it's weird at the same time. I guess all I can really do is just put God first, and he'll help me raise my kids...I just want to do right by them, give them a good life, and make sure they have all the tools they need to go out into the world and be productive adults.

That's not too much, right?

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

It's Comcastic!

2009-02-19T06:43:00.002-06:00

Well, I started at Comcast this week, and despite the fact that I have to dress business casual, it isn't that bad. There are a lot of negro faces...which was kinda surprising, and most of the trainers are black as well...but my training class is like, 2/3 white...but it's still ok. The class isn't boring, and honestly, it feels like I'm in high school...but still, the days go by fairly quick, and I'm getting paid for really doing nothing...which is good. I wanted to catch up on blogger here...but I am getting really paranoid about being late...even though I don't need to be there until 9, I feel like I should be dressed now...weird, right?

V-Day was super dope...the best I've ever had by far, and the first where I actually tried to do something for the person that I was with...

I mean, I've given V-Day cards before, but I never really cared about what they said, I just use to make sure they didn't say I loved them in it...and make sure that they were under 3 bucks. So getting a nice card, getting reservations, and trying to have an itinerary was kinda taxing...but it worked out...sort of. I made the reservations like, in the middle of January...for real...and originally, I was going to take Liz to the Franklin Institute...which is a science based mueseum in Philly. Well, Liz took me to the Franklin for my birthday, so I couldn't really take her there anymore...so I'm like, either the art mueseum or maybe some other random mueseum...so I was gonna do both. I was going to take her to the Rodin mueseum...which is where the sculpture 'The Thinker' is located...and take her to the Philadelphia Mueseum of Art...which is where Rocky runs up the stairs...but I didn't have time for both because they both closed at 5...I was kinda annoyed about that. The Rodin said they had free parking on their site RIGHT BEHIND the mueseum...get to the Rodin...no signs...no lot. So we paid like, 3 bucks for an hour on the parking meter. Went in...had nerdy fun...and barely escaped being on 'Parking Wars'...

We had to go home and change clothes for two reasons: The reservation was at 9, and they required Elegant Casual dress...and I still don't know what that requires to this day...

We got to the restaurant like, 20 minutes early, got Valet...just to wait for an hour and 20 minutes...the food was amazing, and the wait staff was the best I've ever seen...but what tripped me out is that they sat all of the black people in the same area...and the cat that sat behind us had on jeans, sneakers, and a Rockawear sweater. I'm not sure how that qualified as Elegant Casual, but who am I to judge? He had some great lines for his date to, like, "Baby, you can have some of the finest and most delicious of the wines and champagnes here." Or the great, "We don't have to get something from the menu...get whatever will make you happy." Now these quotes may not sound that bad in text form, but dude looked and sounded like Percy Miller...yeah, Master P. It was hilarious...I mean, the stuff they had you could get at Olive Garden...I was like, what was the point? Then at the end of the meal, we find out dude knows the chef personally, called him by name, hugged him, and they got their meal for free with a dessert sampler because he sends them so much business! I was so tripped out, for real...

So we leave without leftovers because everything was so good...and the truck didn't feel right...it felt like the tire was low...but I drove home anyway saying that I'd just go get air the next day...what happens? We get outside and there is a screw sticking out of the sidewall of the tire. The sidewall. The only place you can get a screw that cannot be fixed...I was so pissed...then on top of that, the part of the jack that you need to make it work was not in the truck!!! The jack was there, the extension poles were there...but the crowbar was not. I jacked it up part way with my hand and then a strong screwdriver, just so the weight of the truck wouldn't bend the rim...then one of Liz's friends came by and I was able to change the flat in like, 5 minutes...but overall it was a very interesting weekend. The best Vday I've ever had...ever.

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Tuesday's Thoughts

2009-02-10T16:35:00.002-06:00

I'm not sad, I'm not in a bad mood at all...I'm not angry...

I'm sitting here on the couch, with my wife's little feet propped up on my thigh...and as I look over at her...I know I'm ok. I know I can live my dreams, I know that things aren't always going to go as planned, but they will go as they are ordered. I know my life isn't a dream, but I do have my little dreamsicle here to remind me that anything is possible. Dreams do come true...If you asked me this time last year, I would've never said that I would be in New Jersey, let alone be married...and I would not have even thought I would be ready...but I guess I am. I mean, I'm not having second thoughts, I'm just saying I didn't know that I would able to be a husband already; I never knew that the potential was there...

I just looked at my blog from this time last year, and I was giving up on sex and dating...not that I was turning gay, I just didn't feel like anyone was worth the time or efforts...

I'm just really, really happy. Really happy...and I'm glad that I have someone that I can love, someone that can make me smile whenever I look at her...someone that I can truely be myself with, and not worry about what they think about it. Someone that loves me for who I am, and not what I can do for them...someone that just...just cares, respects, and appreciates me...it's priceless.

...and I'm glad God cared enough about me to place her in my life.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Another Monday...

2009-02-09T08:07:00.002-06:00

...but the last on the couch. I start working next Monday. I'm kinda excited, and I'm kinda not excited...I dunno. I hate the fact that I have to dress business casual though...that is going to be very annoying...oh well. It's a job, and I'll get use to it.

I thought I'd have more to write about today, but I guess I don't...oh well. Maybe I'll try again later.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Happy Birthday to Me...

2009-02-06T07:39:00.002-06:00

I am going to post about my birthday, but boy...someone did something yesterday to annoy the daylights out of me...but I'm going to post about that later...

As for my Birthday? It was fantastic! We kinda had a nerdy day though, but what can I say...I'm a nerd, and so is my wife...but whatever. Anyway, we went to the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia, and it was so much fun. It has a bunch of science based exhibits, and they had the Narnia exhibit up showing a bunch of stuff from the movie, along with some things that were owned by CS Lewis. I haven't been to the museum since I was in like, fourth grade, so it was very enjoyable going through looking at things, trying out stuff, and reading about the exhibits...we also went to the Planetarium, to which I've never done before. Ever. I really enjoyed it though...and honestly, I would've been happy staying there to watch the next two shows and missing dinner...almost. After the museum, we went to dinner back in Jersey at Catelli's. That had to be the best dinner I have had in a long, long time...easily in the top five restaurant experiences in my life...I had a cheddar broccoli soup, baby crab cakes, a 14 ounce veal chop stuffed with lobster, spinach, and cheese over a bed of mashed potatoes with gravy that included asparagus and mushrooms...it was delicious. For desert, I had a waffle with homemade ice cream topped with walnuts, chocolate and caramel sauce. The waffle by itself had the best texture and flavor of any waffle I have ever had in my life...it was wonderful. It was soooo great. My family even sent me beautiful cards with monetary gifts in closed...this was one of the best birthdays I can remember...

As for what annoyed me?

This wack dude that happens to be Liz's ex left some hater facebook comments on a pic of us...actually the pic of us that is in my profile here. I mean, it could've been funny if he was actually his friend, but he is not...not even close...so it came off like, what is the point? Are you jealous? Are you really that much of a loser that you have nothing else to do but hate on me and my wife??? I really wanted to snatch his vocal cords right out of his throat so he would have nothing else to say...he has no idea what I am capable of...anyway, after I cooled off a bit, some wise words came to mind...

"Live your m'fing life. Get your hustle on. Understand people are gonna hate you regardless. Get that out of your head, that fantasy world where people ain't hating on you. You gotta be grateful. You need haters. WTF you complaining about. WTF do you think a haters job is? To f'ing hate. So let them do their damn job. WTF you complaining about. Ladies if you got 14 women hating on you, you need to figure out how the hell to get to 16 before the summer gets here. WTF you mad about. Fellas, if you got 20 haters, you need 40 of those m'fers. WTF you complaining about. If there are any haters in here right now that don't have anybody to hate on, feel free to hate on me. Sit back and say my hair ain't luxurious when you know it is, bitch."

- KATT WILLIAMS

So, if dude has nothing else to do, that is on him. I have no ill words or actions for him, because he is just doing what he was designed to do...hate.

In other news:

This is really up here just for Liz, but it is HILARIOUS if you are a Scrabble player...

Be Safe or Be Smitten...

Happy Birthday Eve!

2009-02-03T07:14:00.002-06:00

To me...

I've never really had big celebrations for my birthday...well, at least as far as I can remember. I mean, my parents always did something for me, and my grandma usually would bake me a cake or something...and it was cool. I always appreciated what they did for me...and it would always be thoughtful.

...but my friends just never really cared. That's why I know I really don't have too many friends. You know how people claim to have like, 10-15 "good" friends? I can't understand how that is possible...now you might have 10 people that keep tabs on you just because they think you are cool...and like 2 more that hang around you because they are sponging off of your aura...and really only like, 3 people that truly love you like you are a blood relative, and care about your well-being. They will be the ones that check on you just to check on you...does anyone know what I mean?

I know I really only have three true, down for me friends...and one of them I married.

I don't know.

I usually get kinda down around my birthday thinking about all the failed opprotunities of the past year, and reflect on things that I would do differently...and because no one really remembers my birthday makes me feel like I don't do much to leave an imprint on their lives...even though lots of people pull on me to help them fix themselves. It's like they treat me as if I'm a service instead of a person.

I'm sure this year will be different.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Mind Fart

2009-02-02T13:34:00.007-06:00

Dude...I really didn't feel like writing earlier, but I've been inspired...and I'll tell you what inspired me after I do a weekend recap:

I had a great weekend with Liz. On Saturday, we went to the Auto Show...which was kinda wack. I really like cars, and I usually enjoy the auto show, but I don't know if it's just a bad year for cars or if the one in Chicago is just that much better...but it was just a disappointment. I enjoyed the DUB section, and they had some old cars there, and they were cool...but it just wasn't like the auto shows of old...here are some of the pics from the show:

...overall, I enjoyed it...but I think it had more to do with the company I was keeping than the cars that were there.

Afterward, I went to Joe's Peking Duck in Philadelphia, and it was AMAZING! Everything from the soup to the fried chocolate cake was delicous. I had duck, lobster...all of it was wonderful.

On Sunday, we went to Maryland and watched the game with the family, and it was fun...

...but why am I posting???

Why in the world is this cat on the real world saying he's a woman, and how is he fooling anyone? And why was there a whole episode going on and on about someone telling people that he is a transexual before he was ready to tell...How can they not know that this is a man??? He def does not look like any chick I've ever seen...tv is getting retarded...

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

It is interesting...

2009-01-29T11:52:00.001-06:00

...being married. It's not quite what I thought, and it's not whne I thought...but it is everything I've ever wanted it to be. I love being married.

A Wintery Mix...

2009-01-28T11:05:00.002-06:00

Let's start with this...

The phrase "A Wintery Mix" makes no sense to me...but that seems to be the only weather condition they have out here...

See, back home, we had snow, we had sleet, hail, ice...all types of stuff. Here though, here they give you all of those things at the same time...and that is retarded. It snowed approximately two inches, then it sleeted for about two hours...now it's raining. So what does that do to the streets? It turns it into a hockey match.

Well, I mean, really, it wouldn't be too bad if they had a fleet of plows with salt coming out of the back...but they don't. So it just stays that way...but wait, there's more...There is a high of 40 today. Does that make sense to you???

...not to me.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

The Waiting Game

2009-01-27T10:05:00.003-06:00

So I have a job, but I don't start until the 16th of Feburary...so what do I do everyday? Mostly nothing. I mean, I clean the house in my own way...dishes, laundry...organize stuff...but that's it. Nothing much.

I'm getting kinda bored, I mean, there is only so much you can do just sitting at home, but I know I'm gonna miss this when I start working...so we'll see.

I went to Alma de Cuba in Philadelphia with Liz on Sunday...it was pretty dope. It was a nice place with a good atmosphere, but not too posh that I couldn't wear jeans and sneakers...it was cool. Liz had the 'Fried Cow' which was a twice-cooked steak and I had a chicken dish...it was very tasty...and for two three course meals, it wasn't that expensive...

Well, the dryer just went off, so I'm going to start folding clothes, but before I go, let me leave you with this...

Yes, Steven Segal has an album out...you know you want it!

I know...

2009-01-23T08:52:00.002-06:00

...it's been forever since I last posted, so I'll try to catch y'all up since I have a few hours to kill:

I'm at Panera right now sponging off of their wireless and drinking coffee...I feel so important. You know when you see those guys over at a table by themselves using the computer and sipping coffee? Today that's me! Ha! I know, right?

...anyway, I went to the inauguration the other day. It was interesting. I mean, I couldn't really see anything besides other people. I wasn't close enough to see Barack, or even the screen showing the inauguration...but being there was special. I saw things that I know I would've never known about unless I was there...like the Barack Obama mixtapes. Or the Barack Obama Bubble crystal paper weights, or the keychain version...or the knit caps...or the super bogus bootleg t-shirts. All of the black people...the old black women wearing furs of animals that varied from mink to ferret pelts...the guy wearing a jacket made from blue-backed gorilla...the guy that wore sugar cookie shoes to middle school because his Spaulding sneakers were stolen...it was eventful.

I don't think I've ever seen that many people in one place...for anything. There were some downfalls...a woman that was wearing a coat made of walrus moustache said some threatening things to Liz's sister...and I lost it on her...while I was eating Pringles. This white dude was pushing me, so I had to rib check him with my elbow and hip...but it is a memory that I will have for the rest of my life...in my grandmother's lifetime, they wouldn't serve you lunch at the same counter that they would serve white people in North Carolina...and now we have a Nigerian-Hawaiian/Black American president...who would have ever known...

On another note:

I have a job! Well, I haven't started working yet, but I am starting on Febuary 16th with Comcast...that'll be cool. I'll get free cable and free high-speed internet. I'm excited about working there...it's been so long since I worked, I know it's going to feel weird waking up to go sit somewhere for 8 hours...but I know I'll do well, and everything will work out.

I'M MARRIED!

Yeah, I haven't posted in forever because I wasn't sure if I was going to write about being married...I am so happy being Liz's husband, you have no idea. If you go back to this time last year...man, I wasn't feeling marriage. I mean, I wanted to be married, but I didn't think that I was going to be within a year. It's crazy, right? We didn't do anything large, because, well, for one, we couldn't afford to at the time, and I didn't have the opprotunity to have anyone here...so we are going to have a more traditional ceremony later on this year to have all of my loved ones present...but I'm just so happy. I had no idea that I would ever meet Liz in real life when I first started reading her blog...and as silly as it sounds, I really liked her back then...about 4-5 years ago. Then she dissapered...deleted her blog...and I was SO sad about it, I didn't know what to do...I kept up with my blog for a while, but since she wasn't there to read it, I just stopped writing all together...but because of how God works, and because he made her for me...he made her for me before I was even born...he urged her to email me...encouraged me to write again...and now I'm married. I feel like Tom Hanks in Castaway when he was back home drinking out of a glass with ice in it...it's, it's unbelieveable. It's unbelieveable because I had given up. I had given up on finding someone that actually fit the characteristics that I picked out in my head as a 17 year old boy...I figured that person didn't exist... or that I didn't deserve to be happy...that my expectations were too inflated, that I needed to shave down my list, and settle for someone that I could tolerate instead of love...and then this happened. Everytime I think about it, I get choked up. You never know how good God is, and how much he loves you until you have given up...until you see no hope...until you have run out of options.

I was watching Katt Williams the other day, the "It's Pimpin' Pimpin'" comedy special, and he said something that I could definately identify with. He compared the tiger at the zoo to black men. You keep trying and trying, but you are still a real tiger in a fake environment, with fake food, and people staring at you...and despite all you try, the stuff that you were taught isn't working...and then something happens to make you feel like a real tiger again...I'm not going to spoil it, just watch the special; it had some great social comedy in it...with explitives scattered throughout.

I said that to say this...I felt like nothing was working for me, I had changed myself so much, that I forgot what I was actually looking for...I kept adapting to women that were no good for me...kept changing and changing, and trying...but it wasn't working...then she came. She saved me from myself. I was ready to give up...not on women, but on trying...but I guess that is where faith comes in...because just before I'm ready to just give up, I say to myself, "If this isn't for me...if I'm suppose to be alone, then that I will be...if I'm not suppose to do this anymore, then I won't...but I know YOU will tell me what to do in the end." Then things just work out. And it's beautiful.

I know I'm going to be angry with Liz sometimes, and I already have been since we have been married...but you just have to know that in the big picture, that stuff doesn't matter, because she is down for me...all day long. And I'm there for her as much as humanly possible...and it's dope. It's one of the best things besides the love of God that I have ever experienced in my entire life.

I love you all, and I'm going to make my rounds around blogworld now...

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Can't Sleep...

2009-01-05T22:33:00.002-06:00

...so I'm still awake. My sinuses are not working right, and I can't take it right now. I need to go to the doctor...but I have no insurance at the moment...ughhh.

I'm not feeling this right now.

I think I'm going to try to find some Bat Masterson DVD sets online...

Is it just me...

2009-01-05T11:23:00.002-06:00

...or does Ron Browz need to drink some hot acid?

I don't think I like rap anymore...

Here's why:

Arab Money:

I can almost deal with this version though...

Arab Money Remix

...and just when you thought they were done,

Arab Money Remix Part II

Come on.

Fast Times at Ridgemont High...

2009-01-02T23:25:00.004-06:00

This wasn't suppose to be just a poster...it was a post. I wrote this lovely heartfelt piece that was magically deleted when I hit the publish button...maybe that was a good thing, maybe it wasn't...but I do have a new outlook on how things are at the moment.

Before I moved out here, people kept telling me..."Why are you moving so fast?"

...and I wasn't hearing it, but now, now I feel what they were saying. It does feel kinda fast. It does. But I don't regret the move. I don't regret the decision to propose...I don't regret us getting married this month...I do regret not having a surplus of cash, and I regret her roomate still being here even though she said she was going to be long gone by now...but whatever.

I know this move is going to strech me, pull me in ways that I have never experienced in life...make me feel...different. A good different, but different none the less. I have someone that depends on me now...and it's...odd. I like it, but to know that I am no longer responsible for just myself is a strange thing to grab onto initially.

I'm not saying that she needs me to do everything for her, but in watching her life without me, I see the gaps. I see the things that she doesn't do because she's too busy, or tired, or she just doesn't know how...and I try to do that for her...help her so that her life is easier. I don't know if that is truly what you do in a marriage...but it seems like it. I do notice things that she does for me that I never would've done...or I never would have thought of...it's nice...but weird.

But I do love it.

It's also just weird being away from home. There are times during the day when I feel like, "What time am I landing at O'Hare when I get home?" But this is home now...I live in Palmyra...I live in New Jersey. I can see Philadelphia just accross the river. There are bridges all over the place here...it's...it's fast, it's strange, and it's my new life.

...and I'm enjoying it.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Federal Expressed

2009-01-02T01:52:00.002-06:00

I've finally emptied out the moving truck, now I just need to find where everything is...the small stuff...like...my phone charger, my other pair of glasses, my mind.

Well...I do still have my mind, but one thing really got to me about this trip, and it happened before I left Illinois.

I was looking to sell my car before I left town, but I really didn't proactively search for buyers, so as I loaded my moving truck, I was leaning toward just keeping it, and storing it somewhere in town until I have enough to get the car fixed, and just drive it back to New Jersey. About two hours after I made that decision in my head, my neighbor asked me if I was still looking to sell it...and because she was elderly and black, I decided to cut her a break...basically selling it to her for nothing, but I did tell her these things first: I don't have the title out, it's packed away in a box somewhere on the moving truck...I can find it after I get to New Jersey and send it to you. There are a few things wrong with it, and this is where you can get it fixed, etc etc. And honestly, for the amount of money she paid for the car, I'm not quite sure what she expected. You can't get a good mountain bike for the price she paid for my joint...but whatever.

So, like, two hours later, she pops up at my door telling me that she can't register the car yet without the title...and I looked at her like, 'Ummmm, I'm sure you can't...which is why I said I'd send the title to you once I get to New Jersey. You have the keys, and I'm going to be in another state...so I'll send it to you once I get there.' She keeps asking me to stop moving my things into the truck, and go with her to file for a lost title. Since I only had maybe an hour and a half worth of work left, I told her that I would do it when I finish...reasonable, right?

...about 40 minutes later, my other neighbor needed to get into her spot behind the house, and it was being blocked by my moving truck, so she asked me if I could pull out so she can park...so I went downstairs and I saw the Crown Vic was in the driveway too, so in order for me to move, I had to get the other neighbor to move as well...so we asked her twice to come out and move the car, but she never left her apartment, and the car never budged an inch. I looked at the other neighbor, and her face said the same thing I was thinking...'What the hell is taking so long???'

...so what happened? This broad called the police. The neighbor I was trying to help out by selling her a car for little to nothing called the police and told them that I was refusing to give her the title of the car.

Amazing.

I was SO LIVID...I tore up her bill of sale, threw her money at her, and snatched the keys from her hands. I mean, the police even told her that this had nothing to do with them, and if she agreed to the terms in the contract that she signed, there was really nothing else she could even do legally...but I really just didn't want the hassle...but I can honestly say that was the only time I've ever wanted to punch an older woman in the face...

I don't get it. Do you?

Welpers...

2008-12-30T23:21:00.002-06:00

I'm finally here!

It's offically done. I live in New Jersey. I got here about 8:00pm est...and I wasn't really tired...until now. I'm gonna shower, then hit the hay. I'll tell you about the adventure tomorrow, I promise!

Moving...

2008-12-29T23:35:00.001-06:00

...and it's horrible. I need to have movers next time for sure...I can't do this again. I have more to say, but I'm feeling distracted, so I may post it later...oh yeah...

I'M ENGAGED!!!

Be Safe of Be Smitten.

Christmas Time Thoughts/Moving Away

2008-12-26T12:55:00.002-06:00

It's December 26th, and, well, I don't quite know what to do with myself. I had a good time with my family yesterday, but as we unwrapped our presents, I started to realize something...I'm leaving them. Bear with me here, I'm not crazy, but for whatever reason, while I watched my grandma's face light up with excitement as she gave her presents the once over, it hit me like a right cross. I love my family, and I am going to miss them terribly.

I'm going to miss them all. I'm going to miss watching 'The Rifleman' with my grandpa...(btw, I LOVE that show!!!), I'm going to miss eating breakfast on Saturday morning with my grandma while we watch QVC and PBS...talking about man stuff and just picking up gems of wisdom from my father...and watching my mother turn into a Wii fanatic.

The more time I spend with each and every one of them, I see a piece of me. I see what time, care, and love they have deposited in me throughout the time I have been with them. I see the mannerisms I've picked up, the habits, the quirks, facial expressions, or even my outlook on life at times. I know my family isn't perfect, and no one's family is...but it is MY family, and I love them. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly, my life with them has helped mold me into who I am one way or another...or they've helped me recognize parts of myself that isn't pleasant so I can change. I just feel an overwhelming love in my heart for each one of them, to the point that I want to pack them into a box, and take them to New Jersey with me...but I can't. I can't take them with me, but I can take what they have taught me, I can take the memories with me...and I can still call...but you can't give a hug through the phone, and if you wipe tears away with your cell phone you may hurt yourself....

It's just hard. I don't regret the decision to move, no matter how hastily I made it, but I...I just love them, and I don't want them to feel like I'm abandoning them, or I'm moving away from them. I love them so much...so much.

...I just feel like moving is something that I have to do right now in order for the rest of my life to start...and I know it isn't going to be easy, but it's something that I have to do right now.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Moving...and it's not fun.

2008-12-16T13:47:00.002-06:00

I'm packing my life away, and I'm starting to realize how much stuff I have...or maybe I should say, how much I really DON'T have. I don't have nearly as much stuff as I thought. Besides sneakers and clothes, there isn't really much else...I'm selling my Crown Vic for $800, so if anyone out there knows someone or needs a car in the Chicago area...let me know!

Christmas Time is Here?!?

2008-12-06T17:27:00.002-06:00

...and I haven't really shopped for anybody yet. I'm gonna go next Wednesday when, hopefully, most people are at work still. I really don't like shopping in the crowds...it's very, very annoying.

Otherwise, I'm getting myself ready for the big move to NJ. I'm really looking forward to it, even though I will miss my family and friends here in the Chicago area.

It's just been a strange feeling...especially when people feel like I'm rushing into something. I'm really not, and if I am, well, I'll pay for it. I understand and appreciate concern, but just because you ask me the same question more than once doesn't mean my answer is going to change. There have only been a few things in my life that I have never felt a question with, and this is one of them...some things you just know, and I wish more people understood that.

Also, I'm trying to get some writing work for various blogs, so please keep me in your prayers!

I loves y'all, and as always,

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Thanksgiving Redux

2008-12-01T06:30:00.002-06:00

It's my last day here in the NJ/PA area, and I'm starting to get sad...I really don't want to go home, but I have to. I have to get some things together first...and after that, I'm moving. But I didn't start this post to talk about that...I actually wanted to say that I feel perfectly fine moving here now. I mean, I felt alright about it before, but I still had some jitters about a few things...now though, I feel fine. Everything that I had an uncertinty about has melted away, and I know for sure that this place can be my home.

Am I going to miss my family? Of course I will, but in order for me to be the man that they have raised me to be, I have to move...I have to move into the rest of my life, so I can be the person I was born to be, and be there for my future wife and for my parents...I just hope they understand that.

Be safe or Be smitten.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T12:45:00.003-06:00

Typing in from Maryland, I'm here at the in laws house...with all Liz's siblings and her parents...and I'm having fun. It's nice being around family...but it's making me miss my own. Even though it's never a big fiasco at my parents' house during Thanksgiving...it's my parents' house, and I miss them. I miss the movie watching, the xbox playing, the pie eating...I miss them and I love them...and I wish they could be here with me too; but I guess I can't have it all.

This is only the second time I've been completely away from my family for the holiday...I guess I just didn't realize how sad it would make me...I dunno. I'll be home for Christmas though.

Happy Thanksgiving to all...Hug your loved ones, and let them know how much you care about them. Have fun, and be safe...

...and don't overeat.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Midnight Marauder

2008-11-25T23:28:00.002-06:00

Maraude means to loot...in this case, I am looting for ears...or eyes. Whichever floats your fancy.

I can't sleep. It's my sinuses. They are on an ego trip right now, and I'm not enjoying the ride...I just want to close my eyes, and think happy thoughts until tomorrow...

Life never fails to give you delightful little mints of information about yourself and your surroundings. Things are always in the process of changing, so it's never good to get use to something...always be ready to adapt to the new, ever evolving reality. There are some constants, but the constants are things that you cannot control...like cops and jelly donuts, or beer and frat parties...or chardonnay and white women...but I digress. I guess what I'm saying is, if you don't allow yourself to be sucked into a reality that is ever changing with a mindset on understanding, you'll always be angry. Go into it looking for it to change, and you can't be surprised. Whether it's living situations, transportation, taxes, seasons, love, sadness, employment status, friendships, or music. Things change...and the sooner that becomes your reality, the sooner you'll be able to get over being disapointed.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Mahaloback People!

2008-11-24T15:05:00.002-06:00

I'm still here in New Jersey, enjoying my time with Liz, hanging out with her friends, seeing new parts of the state...hanging out with her family. I love being here. I know I'm not going to want to go home. The funny thing is, the times I enjoy the most are when we are doing stuff that really isn't that eventful. Like a couple of days ago, we sang songs with one another and laughed...it was one of the dopest moments I've ever had with anyone I've ever been with. I love shopping with her, running errands with her, taking care of her when she isn't feeling well, watching her sleep, helping her lace her sneakers...Fixing things for her...it may seem odd, but it's true.

I need to hurry up and move.

Be safe or be smitten.

The Bridge is Over

2008-11-22T00:02:00.003-06:00

So...I went to Franklin Mills yesterday out in Philadelphia...the mall looks retarded on the inside, but it seems to be my new shoe mecca out here on the east coast...it was super dope...but that is not what this post is about, this post is about the Tacoma Palmyra bridge that connects Philadelphia with New Jersey...Now the bridge was easy enough to find, but the streets around it were completely ridiculous. I mean, I know that all cities aren't set to a grid pattern, but does it have to resemble a hot wheels race track? I think the city planners were high on PCP when they mapped all this crap out...to say the least, which I think I will right now because I am sleepy, it was super frustrating. I am not a fan of the make-up of the streets out here, and I will be getting a navigation unit of some type when I move out here...

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

BTW...did I tell you that the Jordans there were on sale??? Yeah, on SALE. I couldn't believe it, they sold out within two days back home AND they had upcharges on them...here they didn't even charge me tax!

On my New Jersey Drive...

2008-11-20T00:05:00.002-06:00

I'm back in NJ, and I can't sleep. Since I'm awake, I'm catching up on the episodes of Dexter I missed, and downloading more movies for my iPod. I miss the blog world, and I'm going to try to catch up with you all soon.

My flight went well, and I actually landed early. Liz picked me up and we went out to this place called Swanky Bubbles for dinner...it was really good...we had a dope time...but since she was tired, I drove home. It felt weird yet comfortable driving in New Jersey. I mean, as much as I complain about the makeup of their streets, at least they are smooth. I like being here...and I can already tell I'm not going to want to go home...but we will be spending the Thanksgiving holiday together, so that'll be nice...it's a lot to take in. I brought out an obnoxious amount of shoes out here for Liz, and I'm going to help her organize them tomorrow.

I know a while ago, I asked for this level of comfort with someone I care about, and in having it...it's quite peaceful. It is one of the dopest feelings I've ever had.

Love is Grand.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

BTW: Kanye's new album is coming out next week, and from what I have heard off of it...it is definitely going to be interesting to see what people say about it.

I am 15% white...

2008-11-08T19:33:00.004-06:00

...well, not me, but that's what my homeboy called to tell me one day. I like to call this the Uncle Ruckus' Mentality...

Dude is so amped to be white...I mean, it's really incredible to be honest. I love him, he's my boy, but he is just too in love with white people for me. Now I don't have anything against the white man per se. I appreciate the fantastic shopping malls they put together and the way they upkeep thier property...I appreciate what they offer creative society as far as music and literature...but come on. How can you have such a wack outlook on your own people to the point of embracing a society that did everything they could to tear you down as a people...I don't get it.

Does anyone else know someone like this?

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

The Cypher

2008-11-08T18:25:00.004-06:00

I'm out surprisingly...I know, I never am...but I needed to grab a minute for an update for y'all. I'm at this cat J. Griff's house with Jon during a studio session...and since they are in the middle of a Cypher, I'm stealing some time on the computer to share what's been happening with me as of late:

- I HAVE UNEMPLOYMENT MONEY!!! I'm super happy that it came through for me; I needed it so much, I prayed about it, God came through...it was a super dope feeling.

- I'm going BACK to New Jersey on the 20th...for like 10 days again or so...I'm hoping a job will pan out from this.

- I love my family. At my low point, they came in to lift me back up, and I greatly appreciate everything that they did and they are still doing. I couldn't ask for anyone better to have my back.

- Jon is doing an impromptu performance at a Christian conference...and if he was able to rock a show at Denny's, I'm sure it's gonna be hot...this time he'll have a stage.

Until next time,

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Yeah, I don't wanna leave...

2008-11-01T12:46:00.001-05:00

...but I'm gonna have to on Tuesday. I've really enjoyed my time here the past few days. Even though I don't have a whole lot of face time with her throughout the week, it's a lot more than what I would've had at home. I love being here...and I can't wait to move. I love my family, and I'll miss them deeply...and I'll miss Chicago...but this is truely where I need to be.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

NJ State of Mind

2008-10-26T22:25:00.002-05:00

I'm still in New Jersey, and I'm enjoying myself thoroughly. Just got back from church today...two services. It was dope; I heard some stuff that I needed to hear...remembered some stuff that I thought.

...I haven't forgotten you all though. Staying with Liz this long is definatly going to be interesting though. I haven't cohabitated with anyone before, definately not this long. It's cool though; but it's like a preview of what it could be like to be married to her. It's nice. I'm still waiting for a response to the job offer, but I was able to sell those Supras I won at the DunkXchange though...that was super dope. I don't have a whole lot to say tonight, but I'm sure I will in the morning.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

The Garden State

2008-10-25T14:22:00.002-05:00

So I flew out to New Jersey last night out of the blue...of course my flight was delayed, but the take off was spectacular. I'm gonna be out here until like, November 4th, so I'll have plenty of time to blog starting Monday.

BTW, still no word from the big V yet...

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Last Day

2008-10-10T14:27:00.002-05:00

...for a few things. I'm not sure how often I'll be able to blog anymore due to the lack of internet at home...and for the fact I don't have a job after today...but other than that, I'm fine. Today is about the slowest day I've ever had...I've watched like, six episodes of Family Guy, a Paul Mooney comedy special, and random episodes of House.

...and don't think I'm not downloading as much as possible right now. I've loaded up my thumb drives...yeah, I said drives, with movies for my iPod. Hopefully, I'll be behind a computer soon so I can keep the checks rolling in...for those of you that pray, please keep me in your prayers, and I'll be back as soon as I can.

I'm waiting to see what the tide brings in.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Random Quotes

2008-10-09T14:33:00.002-05:00

I have nothing else to do...enjoy!

"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."

"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"

"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."

"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."

"I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs."

"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."

"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."

"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set."

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."

-Mitch Hedberg

Swagger Like Puff?

2008-10-09T14:17:00.003-05:00

For real, this sucks...but it's funny listening to him trying to sound like the people that are really on the track...check it out if you dare:

http://www.zshare.net/audio/1899438976dbcfa5/

Here is the real one if you've never heard it before...I know it isn't an official video, but it is entertaining...

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

The Wackness

2008-10-09T13:47:00.005-05:00

One and a half days left before the big kiss off with the company I'm working at now. It's cool though, I understand; I mean, it does make me feel more justified with all the liberties I've been taking with this job as of late...because, honestly, it is completely ridiculous to look forward to going to work so I can watch an episode of Dexter I missed because I don't have Showtime...

But life is funny that way. I just watched 'The Wackness' here at work...it was pretty good. I found the Sundance submittance dvd online...basically it was about the summer of a lower middle-class 17 year old Jewish boy that went to school with rich kids set in the mid '90's...btw did I mention he's a weed dealer that loves A Tribe Called Quest and Biggie? It talks about his first crush, first real kiss, first time, first heartbreak...basically everything you go through from 15-18...but for him, it all happens over one summer. It was a dope film, and if you are into indie flicks, I suggest you check it out.

I'm not going to go into how I related to him in some way, but really...anyone can find parallels in their own lives when they were around that age...and the soundtrack really helped, because when I went through some of that stuff, that was the music that I was listening too...

I guess I am going to relate this to me...there is this one quote in the movie that goes something like this:

"Know what your problem is, Shapiro? It's that you just have this really $hitty way of looking at things, ya know? I don't have that problem. I just look at the dopeness. But you, it's like you just look at the wackness, ya know?"

I mean, it's not a deep quote, but it is so true...no matter how hard I try, I focus on the wackness...and there is no point in doing so. I mean, with all the dope stuff going on around me, and all the dope stuff that I have experienced...why not focus on the dopeness? The wackness will happen, and it can't be stopped, but if it's focused on, you'll lead a miserable life. Gotta strive for the dopeness...

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Henry Poole is Here

2008-10-07T16:49:00.002-05:00

I know it's been a while since I've blogged about something for longer than a couple of lines...so my last ten minutes at work are going to have to hold you over for a while.

Just to start off, I never heard of this movie before I downloaded it today, and it's slow...like independent film slow...but overall it has a good ending...

...what's the point of what I just said? The movie is about Faith; and that's been my biggest deal for the past few weeks.

Faith in the fact that I will have permanent employment somewhere, faith that everything will be ok, faith in the fact that I am currently making the right decisions, faith in myself...Faith in God. It can be tough. Essentially you are believing in something that you can't prove physically...and even though I see the physical evidence that God exists, some don't...and that's what the movie was about. The guy in the movie, Luke Wilson, did not believe...even until the end...and even though I do believe, and I have faith, I don't want to be the person that, even though I see all the proof, I don't thank him for what he has done, and will continue to do, in my life.

I don't know where I'm leading this post, but I want to say this right now:

I know that no matter what door opens, and where it opens, I know that one will...and even though it may not be what I expected, planned, or even guessed...I know that I will be fine, I will be more than fine...I will be. And so will my family, and my friends...and everyone who needs. It will work itself out, because that is the only way balance can be achieved...because God is peace...and you can't have peace unless you have order...and you can't have order unless you can provide for yourself...a way will develop, it's just up to you to see it...even when it isn't there yet.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Three Days...

2008-10-07T13:16:00.002-05:00

...is all I have left for this job. My manager said that they wouldn't let him keep two people on payroll for one job longer than one week...makes sense I guess. I called my temp agency, and they have something in the same area for about the same amount of money...so I guess it isn't THAT bad...we'll see.

As for now, I'm trying to milk their modem for all I can get, but there isn't much out there right now that I want to download...what a shame.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

The Waiting Game

2008-10-06T15:43:00.002-05:00

...and GO!

Yeah, I'm waiting...that's all I can really do right now, wait and see. I'm still working at the job with the lazy coworkers, even though they've hired my replacement already...and the women here are still bickering about crap...same story, different day...

...as for me; I'm alright. I mean, there isn't a lot I can do right now other than what I've been doing...watch movies/tv shows and answer the phone...and when something new becomes available, I download it and see if I like it...that's about it...I don't talk to my friends on the phone, no idle chit chat with the two "women" in the department that insure their chairs don't float away...just in my own little world.

And it is still nice.

It could be a lot worse, and I don't even want to venture into what those possibilities are...but yeah. I'm maintaining...

I'm starting to do some investing at the moment...which is interesting. I'm not completely in the dark of what moves I should be making when the economy is in a downfall, so I'm really interested in doing some solid wealth building...it's gonna be really exciting to see what happens...

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

I QUALIFY!!!

2008-10-02T14:02:00.002-05:00

Finally through all the misplacement hoopla, I've recieved notice that I qualify for a position...now I just have to wait for them to make me an offer, and give me a training date...

I'll do a real post after I finish watching 'Death Race'...

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Faith

2008-10-01T15:29:00.002-05:00

I know the overall tone of my blog has changed, and I also know that I've been neglecting my fellow bloggers lately...I still love y'all!

...but I have just been going through some changes...all for the positive though. I just started to realize some things about myself that I didn't like, and I understood that the only way for them to change was for me to change...and that's what I'm doing...changing. I'm changing how I look at things, the way I process things...and it feels so good. Even though I'm not that young, I feel like I'm growing up...my attitude at work has changed toward my coworkers and the callers...it's nice, it's really nice. I wish I did this years ago, I'd be much better off if I did.

I'm new to this in a way, so bear with me, but I read this today, and it helped me a lot...hopefully it'll help you too.

"Now behold, today I am going the way of all the earth, and you know in all your hearts and in all your souls that not one word of all the good words which the LORD your God spoke concerning you has failed; all have been fulfilled for you, not one of them has failed."

Joshua 23:14

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

More than Words

2008-09-30T16:34:00.002-05:00

Yeah, you know you liked that song...but what's with the dude reading the magazine in the video?

Anyway, between watching X-Files - I Want to Believe, Righteous Kill, and Love Guru I started to realize something...I'm better than my coworkers. Now, don't take that the wrong way, I mean, I am better at doing the job than they are, but that's not what I'm talking about right now...I'm talking about the fact that I am better than this. I'm better than this situation. I'm better than what they have committed their lives to...to this. Not that this is a horrible job, but they cleave to this sense of superiority, and try to subject me to their snickering and salaciousness...but I have no reason to respond...I don't.

Not that they are all out attacking me in any way, they aren't; but I can hear them when they talk, make remarks...and before it would've bothered me...but not now. I don't have time for them or what crawls from the crevice on their face that they call a mouth. I'm done...and it makes me feel good.

...but I will miss all the great downloading fun I had here though, the movies, software, CDs...it's been awesome, and trust, I'm gonna milk them for all they are worth!

Be Safe or I'll steal your Bandwidth!

Hello Monday

2008-09-29T13:06:00.002-05:00

How YOU doin'?

I'm gone in two weeks.

...gone to NJ? Not that I know of yet, but that is when my job is over that I'm currently working. Possibly three.

Am I scared? Surprisingly, no. I have a sort of peace...and I am fine with the way things are playing out right now...I mean, I know I can't control every aspect of my life, nor am I suppose to. I'm just going.

I'm waiting to hear from the big V, and I'm getting excited. I'm sure that they are going to make me an offer, it's just a matter of...when. I'm sure they will soon.

As for me, I'm excited about making more money, starting something new, and starting somewhere fresh. I'm excited about working on buying a home, and also I'm excited about starting the rest of my adult life...I'm happy.

I'm happy that I have peace, I'm happy that I have a better relationship with my parents...and I'm happy that I know where I stand with everyone I care about.

It's a dope feeling...and I hope it never goes away.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

At least it's Friday

2008-09-26T08:52:00.003-05:00

I know I was in a funk yesterday, and as soon as I inhaled the air outside the office, most of it lifted...the rest was gone after I talked to my gf and my mom about it...I guess I've just recognized the fact that I tend to take a negative path when I get worried about something, and because that's all I think can happen, that's all I ALLOW to happen. I can't think negative or I'll be negative.

Honestly, that's the easiest thing to think, because it requires no action on your part for it to happen. Essentially, for the negative to come to pass, you have to lack the unction to press beyond that reality into the one that was waiting for you all along...you just had to recognize and accept it...and accepting it is what is so difficult. Whether you are accepting a new way of living or even a new way of looking at something, if you didn't come up with it, you can reject it without even trying. Without even knowing if it's right, wrong, or even useful. You have to understand that illumination of your situation can come from the most unlikely source...and it will keep being told to you from different sources until you choose to accept it...and if you don't accept it, you will remain in the state that you are in.

So what am I saying? I guess I'm saying don't be so difficult. Don't be so closed off that you can't accept new information, new ideas, new ways of looking at something or someone. More often than not, when you are in a bad situation, it's for a reason...sometimes you just need to realize something, sometimes you just need to do something that you have neglected...sometimes you have to just accept the fact that you cannot control everything, and even if you could, you would still be miserable.

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

-Matthew 6:34

Be Safe or Be Smitten

Better...

2008-09-25T10:32:00.002-05:00

Somewhat...I have a slight headache...and I feel...closed off. Like I'm emotionally shutting down, but other that the annoying lazy negro chick I work with, there isn't anything that is causing me to question my sudden burst of me being mean.

I love being in love, I am happy about the job possibilities with Verizon...I'm happy about having my housing lined up...but, for some reason, it's like I'm forcing myself to not be happy.

I just admitted to someone yesterday that I'm not use to things 'working out', to things going for my benefit...and maybe sub-consiously I'm trying to sabotage myself emotionally...I don't know. I don't hate myself, and I don't hate my new opprotunity...I'm not getting it...I just don't understand it. I don't. I don't know why I feel this way, and I'm tired of it...I'm tired of not being consistantly happy, so why am I so emotional right now?

I deserve happiness, and I'm finally I am...I don't get it.

The Rhinestones in my Flintstones look crazy in my Sweater

2008-09-25T08:23:00.002-05:00

Yeah, I know I've talked about that song already, but that has to be one of the most entertaining verses in the past fifteen years...after all, that was like, twelve years ago now...ughhh, I feel old.

Anyway, my testing and my interview seemed to go well, so now I'm just playing the waiting game...and hopefully Big Verizon will be making me a healthy offer...

I'm kinda excited and nervous at the same time, which feels very strange...

I don't know...I don't really feel like posting today, I'm in a mood. I hope I feel better, and I'll try to post later...

Vindication

2008-09-18T09:28:00.002-05:00

In short, I was right, and my lazy co-workers were wrong...my boss ran a report, and it showed that I took over 200 more calls than they did last month, and I worked eight hours less...that's kinda weird, isn't it?

In other news:

I have an interview/testing Saturday at Verizon in New Jersey...pretty exciting...I'm looking forward to it; I hope it goes well...I'm sure I'll pass the tests, I just hope that no one else in the group does as well as me...that'll make me look more impressive.

I don't have to much to say right now, but hopefully I will next week.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

DunkXchange 2008

2008-09-15T16:53:00.002-05:00

Well, to say the least, it was eventful...I had a great time. I made money...I spent more...won some super exclusive kicks...an all around good time...

With the exception of every possible highway flooding and it taking us four hours to get there.

That was bad; but anyway, here are the pics:

Here is my table...

...and here's some other stuff:

Here's some of what people were wearing that day...

Some b-boys:

Some crowd shots...

My purchases and the sneaks I won:

That about wraps it up...more picks available at the link below...

http://www.nicekicks.com/dunkxchange-chicago-event-recap/

Be Safe or be Smitten!

Is Love really all you need?

2008-09-11T14:49:00.002-05:00

...it depends on what you're looking for, and what you are trying to accomplish. Is it all I need? Nope, it really isn't, but it's a good part of the equation.

It's much more than that; it's someone understanding and accepting you for who you are, and not for what you can accomplish. It's someone who doesn't mind helping you sort out your dreams, sift through your ideas, settle your nerves, and then stroke your ego. Someone that can stretch out their arm and help you up from your downfalls, someone that can make sense of your insanity, someone that knows you have to separate the puzzle pieces before you can put the big picture together effectively. Someone that knows, and if they don't, won't stop until they will. Won't stop because they care. Because they need you to do the same thing for them...

...that's all you need; and that's what I've found.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

I guess I just feel like sharing today...

2008-09-10T14:17:00.002-05:00

I'm in a caffeine induced haze right now...newly inspired to share every waking thought that sweeps through my mind. I need to share something with you, my internet natives:

I am in love with words.

Seriously...I am. It is a sick infatuation that is more than familiar with people that fraternize on the space that only exists in front of us... a fifteen inch HP L1506...and I suppose I'll continue to throw words on internet one letter of a time bludgeoning you with my opinions and ideas...just make sure you all keep up with the feedback; it helps.

I also need topics...I know I'm no Geoffrey Chaucer, but I need things to write about...so if y'all could get back to me with that, I would be most gracious.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Californication

2008-09-10T12:30:00.002-05:00

...makes me remember that I want to be a writer. Not because the main character is messed up, but because it is the only way I can truly express myself and be heard. Everyone has a channel that they can be heard through, and mine may be through my Dell keyboard.

I want to change the world...even if it's just the world around me. The only way I see that happening is if some gracious benefactor gives me one million euros or ten gold bars and a nice laptop to scream out from the top of the theoretical mountain top...hand out my memorandum from my soapbox...from the internet. Helping people is cool, some I don't necessarily want to deal with the crazies face-to-face. I want to pick and choose the nuts the I have to crack.

I mean, I'm not saying that I'm insensitive, I just need my personal space; and that is something that I only want to share with my family and loved ones...I'm selfish that way...and we all should be. Whenever we start to let people in to that private space in our lives, we are vulnerable, and we shouldn't be vulnerable with everyone nor should we be giving away free admission to the theme park that explains our being. We have to keep part of ourselves hidden away in order to maintain some sort of sanity.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm starting to understand that my former childhood dream isn't really feisable, even though I've never explained it to anyone, and my new dream is changing every day...and I'm trying to be okay with that. The harsh realities of life can be overbearing at times...but it is what it is; you just have to kinda go with it. Adapt. Go with it, try to understand it, cope with it, pray about it, and learn from it. That's the best you can do; that's the best we can all do...except for the person with the gold bars and the one million euros...they do whatever it is they want.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

People

2008-09-09T16:13:00.003-05:00

I don't like these people I work with...and honestly, if they both decide to skateboard on the sea floor of the Bermuda Triangle...I would throw a going away party for them. I think these have to be the laziest broads in history...and I'm trying to find a new job.

Why? Well, I have to, in short...and honestly, maybe I'll post about it at another time...I mean, they are really just stupid...generally speaking. They're talking about how much oxygen we lose by the foresters cutting down trees...

but most of the earth's oxygen comes from the photosynthetic process that the ocean's abundant plant plankton goes through...but I don't expect her to know that; I'm sure that most people don't...but it's just the fact that I'm on the phone and she is talking about something that has NOTHING to do with the job we are doing...and she's wrong. It's annoying. I hope they get fired...even though they probably won't...ughhh!

Help me.

Just to be clear...

2008-09-09T16:02:00.003-05:00

...I wasn't addressing anyone directly. It's just, when I look at other people's blogs, and I read what they say, I try to understand, and if I have something constructive to say, I'll leave them a comment...but I get tired of reading bogus comments that others leave on my fellow bloggers' sites. It's not needed.

I mean, my family often asks me why I post stuff out here, and I've tried to let them know in my own way why, and I'm sure they understand...but when I was challenged about it from family, and a couple other people that I no longer entertain as peers, I was hurt...and maybe I don't have the right to be because this is a public site...maybe I'm too sensitive and I shouldn't look at it that way...I don't know.

...but what I do know is that I didn't like it. I didn't like the feeling I had when I was challenged on what I should post. It's just, sometimes, you need to talk...and you don't want someone to interrupt you while you are doing so...and that's why this is what it is...it's my mind flexing...my mind processing...it's a window into my mind. Just keep that in your thoughts when you read this, and it might put some perspective on what it is that I'm doing.

I just really want share what I have to say with someone, and hopefully it will help someone else...that's all.

Be safe, or be smitten.

Why I write here...

2008-09-08T14:59:00.003-05:00

It's selfish; it's for my entertainment.

Because I want to.

It's cool that other people read it, and I enjoy their comments...and I enjoy reading their blogs too.

...but writing this stuff out here helps me. It gives me an avenue to get out my emotions...raw emotion more often than not; and while I'm typing it, I'm cycling through my feelings to really put words to what I'm processing...if that makes any sense.

I mean, I am unchallenged, I don't have someone staring at me, trying to pull something out of me...I'm pulling info from myself, and then I make myself accountable by sharing it with the world.

Does the world look at my blog? No...closer to about thirty to forty people a day...but I am none the less accountable because it is out there. It's in the open, and that...helps. It helps me feel like I'm not alone, it helps me feel like a part of a community.

Maybe this is stupid, maybe I'm stupid...but it's only stupid if you don't understand, and if you don't understand, then keep it to yourself...or ask...or be tactful. But don't ask me a question when you have your ideas already formed. Don't ask me questions about it if you don't really want to know...don't be judgemental...take this time to examine yourself:

Do you judge others with the same standards that you judge yourself with?

Are we the same person living the same life?

Do you have a way of handling your personal issues?

If the first answer is no, then you need to pray and figure that out...obviously we aren't the same person, and we aren't living the same life...so that one was a freebie...and if you have a way of handling your internal issues...should I judge them?

Should I judge you if you have a healthy avenue for handling the tugging heartstrings?

Do you have an outlet for your mental compost heap?

I'm sure you do...and just because mine is on the internet doesn't make it any better or worse than yours...think about that the next time you want to tell me what I should and shouldn't do with a space that isn't putting anything negative out there for people to do...a site that, if anything, could help someone with their lives...something that is lost in today's society...being introspective and holding oneself accountable for their own actions.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

How?

2008-09-05T08:43:00.002-05:00

...did my friend Jon manage to get TWO flat tires on ONE SIDE of the car? I don't get it...so he called and I went out there to help him. It was raining...cold...and dark; but he did tell me that he was in a Walgreens parking lot that was super bright,

so I thought that was good at least...right?

Wrong, those jokers turned the lights off right when we started the changing process. We changed one, but of course, no one has two spares...tried mine on the car he was driving, and that one didn't fit...so we called "roadside assistance". We thought they might be able to patch one of the tires possibly, so we waited for them to show up...they show up without a truck, without tools, just like, "We're here to change the tire." I don't get that...so I dropped him off at his house, and he took one of the other cars to his mom's house and got another spare...I had to go home, I was super tired and I couldn't do it anymore...then Jon called me this morning to tell me that the dude didn't even help him change the tire when he got there with the other spare! I don't even see the point of them showing up if they weren't going to do anything, do you?

I. Am.

2008-09-04T16:34:00.002-05:00

Tired.

I don't know if it's because it's been raining since I woke up this morning, or if it's because I'm going home to an empty house, or if it's because my eyelids are burning...I need a nap.

I need something...something else. I don't know quite what it is, but I feel like something is missing. Like I can't see what it is right now, but I know I feel the lack.

I think it's a lack of rest. I have 24 minutes left of my work day, and I can't wait for it to be over...

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Oh what to tell...

2008-09-04T13:31:00.004-05:00

Well, to say the least, Liz's visit was amazing. I really enjoyed having her here. She met my family, and they seemed to like her, so that's really good. It makes things a lot easier.

We had a fifteen minute marriage counseling session at church in front of my parents and random people that were standing in the room...that was insightful and intrusive all at the same time...it felt nice though...even though I didn't think I would. Now I'm just trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life.

As for what I've been doing since she left?

I've watched Season Two of Dexter

and Season Three and Four of Weeds

...that's all I have right now. I mean, the backlash of emotions that I go through whenever I leave her or she leaves me is incredible. This type of life can't go on that much longer...but I have to be responsible with my actions, so we'll see what the cerebral tide brings in with each day that passes.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Special Delivery

2008-08-29T17:38:00.002-05:00

"The rhinestones in my flintstone look crazy on my sweater."

-Ghostface Killah

Yeah, so Liz is flying in tonight, so I'm still at work killing time before I go pick her up. I'm kinda anxious even though this isn't a new experience anymore...but I'm still not use to it. I guess that's a good thing, no?

Man...I forgot Bentley was in this video...

Enjoy your Labor Day weekend!

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Sleep through the Static

2008-08-28T13:29:00.002-05:00

Well, at least that's how Jack Johnson describes it...

I mean, I don't mean to literally sleep...but you don't want to let your emotions dictate to you your actions...I know this may seem obvious, your good sense and rational doesn't always kick in when you are in the midst of panic.

So, what am I talking about, right? Well, I'm still temping...with "promise" of a job here...and my manager called me in to give me a heads-up that it may not be as promised as he originally stated it would be. I mean, it has nothing directly to do with me, but more to do with someone else applying for the same job internally, and that person having more "qualifications" for a job that I'm already doing...and doing at a more efficient rate than my two trifling co-workers. But that isn't the point of this post.

The point is this:

Don't be too full of emotion that you push away people that care about you. We all get hurt, angry, afraid, worried, sad; we all get these emotions whether they are valid or not...just remember that there are always proper outlets for these, and your loved ones aren't the ones for you to plug that energy into...because if you do, they won't be there for you the next time.

Just try to remember this, I mean, I'm saying this more for myself than anything...

No man is an island.

"All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated...As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon, calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come: so this bell calls us all: but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness....No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."

-John Donne

Be safe or be smitten.

I'll do a real post soon...

2008-08-27T14:26:00.005-05:00

Maybe even tomorrow; but as for now...

I think the movies that people enjoy tell a lot about the type of person they are...so in saying that, what does Blazing Saddles say about me?

I mean, it does have it's crude moments...

...but classic stuff always does. The things they do and say in this movie could never happen today. Rent it or even buy it and enjoy! I promise you will...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMf36qOEMP8&feature=related

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

You can't accuse me...

2008-08-22T12:52:00.016-05:00

of having N-word ears!

...because I like all types of stuff.

Like Daft Punk,

Weezer,

Kings of Leon,

Panic! at the Disco,

Franz Ferdinand,

Feist,

Dashboard Confessional,

Coldplay,

The Hives,

Sara Bareilles,

...among others.

I mean, there aren't a whole lot of black bands or even blacks that play instruments...so I have to turn to John Mayer

if I want someone who plays the guitar and sings...

I mean, I like rap too...Lupe, Kanye, Clipse...but until Kenna

and N.E.R.D.

start dropping CDs on a more regular basis, this is what I'll have to turn to...

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

I never knew...

2008-08-21T13:53:00.012-05:00

That I was that old. At least I felt old while I was doing this...what is this?

Walking.

Walking around my neighborhood. Not for fun, but because I am fat as a drug dealer's bankroll on the 1st.

So I finally started to walk after work on Monday. I was so serious...I got a pair of running shoes, put in some arch supports to stop my shins from hurting, got a couple t-shirts from the back of the closet and a good pair of sweatpants...and that's not all...

I got two big black garbage bags and made my own sauna suit. I was so excited right? Got my iPod, put it on a comedy CD to keep track of my time because I wasn't going to wear a watch...the plan was to walk for 30 minutes a night. After 15, I was gonna make my way back home, sounds good right? Yeah.

So yesterday I was walking, and made out better than I did before...my shins didn't hurt, I was cool...then after about ten minutes something happened...things changed... and then I felt my self getting angry...like, like someone did something horrible to me, you know? The only thing is: nothing happened to me other than the fact I was ten minutes away from my house. Then smells started to change. At first I smelled flowers and leaves...

and that suddenly changed to napalm and great depression.

Yeah, I smelled the entire Great Depression;

I was so confused. After that, something else changed...my stride. At first, I had this normal type of, "I'm walking because I need to lose some fatness" stride...

and that changed to an "I'm a Nazi soldier!" stride. You know the one, with the one arm going all fast, and the other one not moving...

then it changed again...I started walking like George Jefferson.

Then after that it changed to a "I went to jail as an infant, and I had to learn how to walk by watching other people in jail along with old reruns of 'The Jeffersons'."

It was bad...for real.

After a while, I finally got home, and the closer I got to my apartment, the more I felt like I was gonna pass out...but it all felt like it was worth it, so I'm going to do it again today when I get home.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Direct Language

2008-08-20T16:00:00.006-05:00

I was listening to George Carlin, and I heard him say this...he was so right, RIP:

"Sometime during my life toilet paper became bathroom tissue. . . . Sneakers became running shoes. False teeth became dental appliances. Medicine became medication. Information became directory assistance. The dump became the landfill. Car crashes became automobile accidents. Partly cloudy became partly sunny. Motels became motor lodges. House trailers became mobile homes. Used cars became previously owned transportation. Room service became guest room dining. Constipation became occasional irregularity. . . .

"The CIA doesn't kill anybody anymore. They neutralize people. Or they depopulate the area. The government doesn't lie. It engages in misinformation. The Pentagon actually measures radiation in something they call sunshine units. . . .

"Poor people used to live in slums. Now 'the economically disadvantaged' occupy 'substandard housing' in the 'inner cities.' And a lot of them are broke. They don't have 'negative cash flow.' They're broke!"

"I'm telling you, some of this language makes me want to vomit. Well, maybe not vomit . . . makes me want to engage in an involuntary personal protein spill."

I know I've thought this for years...now I know I'm not alone.

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Just to Be

2008-08-19T12:36:00.002-05:00

I know I haven't shared myself in a while...but I'm gonna try to do it now.

It's hard to give somebody all of yourself when you aren't too sure of everything that's there.

Now, let me help define that statement:

I'm not crazy, I know who I am, but sometimes there are things that surface that I didn't realize where there, or didn't choose to address until now. Kinda like being ok with a messy house until you find out that company is 15 minutes away.

It's tough. It's tough for two reasons. Reason number one? If it was that easy to deal with or even recognize, it would've been fixed already...that flows right into number two...because I haven't had to really be open with anyone in a while, I didn't realize all that residue was on the window of my personality. I never had anyone that cared enough to tell me. I mean, I've always had my parents, and they are quick to point out when I'm being an ass, but we all know that parental relationships and romantic relationships have a completely different dynamic in play.

I've come to realize, and even while I'm typing I'm realizing even more...none of the chicks in my past really cared. Some may have thought they did, but in the real world, all they cared about was their own wants and needs...their own feelings and desires. It's to the point that I'm SO GOOD at saying what bothers me, I don't always choose the most appropriate way to relay my emotions. Not saying that I do it in a way to tear someone down, but in a way that makes the other person feel like panda poo. That's not what I want to do either...

To be honest, I don't know what to do; and I'm finally coming to grips with that. I don't know what to do in every relationship based situation. I'm really just learning now. I have examples to go on from my p's, but you can't really learn exactly how to react and how to be in a real relationship until you are in a real relationship with a person that REALLY cares about you...

That's all I have for now...

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

...and I have walked 500 miles...

2008-08-19T12:11:00.003-05:00

Well, not really...but I walked like four and a half...way longer than I thought.

Come on, you know you've sing to this song in private whenever it pops up on VH1...

I looked it up on a map to see...yeah, I over did it, but I did have a sense of accomplishment. I'm gonna go for it again, but I'm gonna try to start earlier. I need to walk like that everyday...I'm really starting to look like Dr. Robotnik.

In other news:

My co-workers are still lazy. Still. They suck overall. They are so lazy, I think they are in a secret society for lazy people, and if they aren't lazy, they are put to death.

I FINALLY got my rebate check, even though it's only $300...but still, it helps. Ummm...that's about it.

Oh, and I love Liz.

Yeah, that pretty much wraps it up.

Grandpasitting

2008-08-16T20:58:00.002-05:00

Aloha people,

I know I don't normally post over the weekend, but I'm over my grandpa's house while his wife is out of town. I really need to come over more often, I can tell that he misses seeing me. I don't come over quite that much because I'm kinda tired after working and, well, I don't know...I just don't come over as much...well, I mean, I don't get along with his wife all that well. I care about her, and I appreciate her taking care of my grandpa and whatnot...but I dunno, we just don't get along that well...

Anyway, I'm here watching the Chicago Bears game...and it's kinda wack. The Bears are always kinda disappointing lately.

But last night was a little more interesting...I found my grandpa on YouTube. I know I post videos all the time, but this one is different. I found him singing in this gospel group he was with in the 60's...he's the tallest one in the background...it won't let me embed it, but here is the link if you are interested...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmKfNndnPWY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWFmzuM2TDM&feature=related

It might not be interesting but I thought it was kinda cool...and seeing my grandpa smile as he reminisced about times past made the discovery worthwhile...

On a whole different note:

I really miss Liz...a lot. Even more than last time.

This sucks

But she is coming back for Labor Day Weekend...and then she gets to meet my family...that'll be interesting.

Be Safe or Be Smitten...

Windows

2008-08-15T16:04:00.006-05:00

I have no deeper meaning other than the fact I'm listening to that song on my iPod...N.E.R.D. is so dope.

Even though I just realized that they sound a lot like The Clash with the way their melodies are formed...

...I'm just saying.

All I have planned for this weekend is some grandpasitting while his wife is out of town, and I'm gonna do some laundry...very exciting, huh? Well, it's just what I wanted for this weekend, I'm still tired from last weekend...I need to do some much needed sleeping.

As for Liz and I...I love her, she is...well, beyond description. She just bought me two pairs of shoes that I wanted...even though I didn't want her to...she's adorable.

Here they are in case you are interested:

The Nike "Newcastle" SB Dunk Lows

Inspired by, of course, Newcastle Beer

And these other ones are called "Space Tigers"

Anywho,

Be Safe or Be Smitten, and have a good weekend!

Can you see me?

2008-08-14T11:13:00.006-05:00

Sometimes I feel like I'm not here. Don't get me wrong, I'm not nuts, I know people see me, and I know that people know I exist...but sometimes I feel like I'm trapped in my own little version of "The Truman Show".

Like I'm not quite in reality.

Why do I feel like this?

...because I can't believe that some people are really this nuts. Some of the things I see and hear is really unbelieveable; it's like it's made for tv. Like I work with a guy who is kinda cripple...he rides on one of those scooters around the office,

and there is nothing wrong with that...but tell me why he goes jogging?

I mean, really...if you are crippled enough for a wheel chair or scooter...what makes you well enough to jog? Does that confuse anyone else?

I have another one for you...if you are on weight watchers...how many points would this be?

I'm thinking about 3500 points...

I've got another one for you...now I work in an industry that sells a product that can expire...but it's also a product that you would never want to be out of...so you know what these geniuses do? I just got off the phone with a guy that told me he buys 10-12 boxes at a time...to give you an idea of how much that is, one box would last the normal, logical person for a month...he uses the product TWICE as long as suggested use tells him to, and then buys 10-12 boxes at a time...does that make sense to anyone?

Maybe it does. Maybe I shouldn't expect everyone to think the way I do; maybe I shouldn't expect people to use some sort of logic in their daily lives...maybe I'm asking too much...but I don't think I am.

People, in general, are crazy.

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Back Again like I left somethin'!

2008-08-13T09:35:00.005-05:00

Well, I actually did...I haven't blogged in a bit, so I am forcing myself to say something even though I have no subject on my mind...so lets start the rambling!

I am ultra tired...like, if there was a contest for people who are sleepy, I'm sure I'd place in the top five, easy...my eyes are burining, and I want to cry. I want to go home, and sleep in the bed for about, 30 hours...and it's super slow at work too which is not helping matters any.

As for my weekend, it was awesome. I loved it. I mean, parts of it reminded me of home...like the part of Philly that I was in looked a lot like this:

The sad part is, that's Wicker Park in Chicago...not Philly. But it was still interesting...I had fun. I went to a sneaker boutique in Philly called Ubiq

which was dope...like a bigger and more polished version of St. Alfred's

...those are The Cool Kids btw in the picture. Overall though, the neighboorhood felt cool and trendy...nothing like what they say about the area;

nothing I saw looked that bad at all. I met some of Liz's friends...two different couples that I could see us hanging out with on a regular basis...good people. I also met Liz's family which consisted of 3,000 people...but it was dope. I ate jerk chicken and ox tail...good stuff.

That's about it though...I mean, we just did a lot of stuff all in three days, so I guess it took a toll on me...I'm not as young as I use to be I guess. I dunno...

Other than that...I'm up to about 3500 songs on my iPod and over 60 movies...and I still have 100GB of space left...

I'm gonna check out some blogs for a bit, and I might post again later...

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

NJ State of Mind

2008-08-08T14:07:00.003-05:00

Well, I'm finally here in New Jersey by way of Philadelphia...and it's cool so far...looks a lot like the suburbs that I'm from though...not much different; except for the fact that there are a lot more trees here. I'm getting ready to go out for a bit, but I didn't want blogworld to think I fell off again.

I was in training for most of the week...which was boring...super boring; but I did learn a lot more than I anticipated or even desired to know about ostomy...google it if you really want to find out. I'm not even gonna link it...just google it, and look at the pictures.

But that's it...nothing mind blowing...I'll try to catch up with y'all this weekend...and I'll be updating more this weekend too...

Be Safe or Be Smitten...

Since I didn't post any videos last Friday...

2008-08-04T14:19:00.002-05:00

I found a couple videos that made me feel better...does anybody remember this?

Well, what about this one?

I didn't think I could find anything that would fit my last post any better....

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

The Kingpen of the Ink pen

2008-08-04T13:37:00.006-05:00

Dude; for real...I'm so annoyed.

I work in a department that contains three workers...but I'm the one who does the most work. Who has been here the least amount of time?

Me.

Honestly, now I know why other people didn't work out. They got tired of taking more calls than these lazy sucrose sucking broads;

so when they did the same thing that they did, they got let go. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against weight watchers, and as long as you stay encouraged, it can be very successful...but the talking about it at work is super annoying...this is the type of stuff I hear:

Am I going to do what the others before me did? No. But I'll tell you one thing, I'm going to continue to complain about it until I'm perm, then I can tell the manager.

In other news:

It looks like it's 11:30 pm right now...It's been dark all day. Ughhh.

Also:

I'm tired and I want to go home. This is annoying. Why can't I just find a bag of gold somewhere and become the philanthropist that I've always dreamed of being? Some people dream about going gold off of 16 bars, I dream about 16 bars of gold...

there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, at today's market value, that's about $359,200 a bar...which comes out to about 5.7 million for the 16...who looks dumb now?

Don't be a hater...

I got bored...

2008-08-01T08:44:00.007-05:00

...so I took these pictures of my shoes. Actually, I just wanted to put them on Sneakerplay, this MySpace type of thing for shoes...whatever, it's fun for me. Anyway, here are the pictures:

Hopefully I'll do a real post later.

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

The Beggar

2008-07-31T13:07:00.003-05:00

...is a song by Mos Def on second CD, The New Danger...the link is in the title if you are interested.

I was listening to the song today accidentally, well, not really...my iPod was on shuffle...but anyway, it's just how I felt yesterday after the resolve swept itself over my face...the sound of the music, the drums...the emotion in his voice...makes you feel like whomever he is doing this song for can't hear it...and that's how I felt yesterday; and it's how I feel today.

I wish I had something cool to talk about today, but besides watching the first season of Dexter, not much is going on with me.

Well, here is something:

I was talking with one of my friends the other day, and they were telling me about this chick that got fired because management didn't like her hair. They didn't like this chick's hair because it was "too curly". Outraged, right? That's so racist, right???

She is white.

Not even Jewish white, but like, I have family from all of the important European countries white...my grandma went to school with Mother Hubbard white...

I was so amazed at the fact that someone white, a white woman at that, was fired because of her hair...I honestly couldn't stop laughing for 9.46 minutes...it was hilarious...

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Keep digging...

2008-07-30T13:22:00.003-05:00

The reason why most miners go bankrupt is because they give up hope. I think I found the diamond I was looking for...

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Conflict Diamonds

2008-07-30T08:18:00.002-05:00

Confusion always bring about conflict...and so do assumptions. Usually though, they can get hammered out, and the resolution can be beautiful...like a diamond. I mean, maybe it's cheesy, but conflict without resolution is really just pointless. If both parties don't walk away with understanding, then what was the point?

I said that to say this:

If something happens in life that you don't understand; please don't assume, ask.

That's it.

Really.

Just ask.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

IRS Update...

2008-07-28T14:10:00.002-05:00

So after being on hold for 36 minutes...someone finally picked up the phone. She put me on hold four times...four times. Each time was for five minutes. One of the times she was asking me for my address...you know this chick had the nerve to put me on hold for five minutes after giving my street address...and then comes back with, "...and what did you say was your city and state?"

Right...I never said my city or state yet.

And as helpful as the internet is, don't you think they would let people update their addresses online? Oh no...that's too logical. They didn't let me do that, I had to spend 57 minutes on the phone with a retarded broad that doesn't know how to breathe and see at the same time...ughhhh!!!