It doesn't matter...

...anymore. It doesn't matter what I do, what I say, when, or why. It doesn't. Someone told me that I deal in absolutes too much. I say, well, what else is there? Either you like it, or you don't. Either it is a truth or a lie. Where is the grey? Is that the compromise? I'm sure it is, but if one person feels like they are doing all the compromising and the other one isn't doing anything...then what? Then what??? I am at a place right now where I don't care about anything...and it scares me. It scares me because I don't know how to not feel like this. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to...I don't know what I want to do...I don't know. I don't know why...I just don't.


I guess I'm done...

at work...

...and I'm bored. I'm not bored due to lack of calls...but due to lack of people...there is no one here at all. All three of the people that sit by me are out today for the holiday, but because my employer is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week...someone has to be here, and today that someone is me. Granted, my shift is almost over, I've got like, one hour and fourteen minutes left...actually now there is an hour and eight minutes left...whatever....let me stop complaining, I'm getting paid double time and a half!




Be Smart or Be Smitten!

Forever and a Day...

...since I was able to call in to work and get paid for it...Amazing feeling it is. Over time I have come to realize that my life will never be the same again, and that isn't a negative statement...it's a positive truth. It should never be the same again...never. Why would I want it to be? Isn't the point of life to grow up, to figure out, reflect on the wrongs you do, and adjust and or change so that you don't repeat the same mistakes? For some reason though, the more I hear people talk, they complain about changes...Now even though change makes me feel unsettled sometimes, I would never want to go back to where I was...I'm extremely happy that I'm not in that state of mind anymore...I'm glad of the fact that everyday when I wake up, I get a whole new chance to be a better person, a whole new chance to improve, to grow mentally and spiritually...it's a beautiful thing.


Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Radio

A couple of people at my job have a podcast radio show...and it kinda sucks. I mean, it has some potential to be good, but for some reason they keep cursing for no apparent reason at all. Not that I have something against an expletive tossed in here and there for effect...but this is just kinda pointless...It's like watching a movie, and waiting for something to happen, and it never quite happens...Even the subject matter, they don't know quite enough to keep the show interesting. It just sounds like a mediocre conversation between two people, but three people are actually there, and it's a four person show...ughhhh....annoying...so annoying...


Be Safe or Be Smitten...

Moment of Calm...

...and it feels good! These people on the phones are absolutely nuts...like a brand new type of nuts...I know you "need" your services and all...but come on, it's just cable and internet...even with phone service, most of the people calling in have at least two other phones...it's funny but not funny...whatever. At least I have a job right?



Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Don't get me wrong...

...I know I get paid to take calls, but why must the people be so stupid? I don't get it. This lady called because her cable didn't work...come to find out her power was out...really lady?


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Feeling It...

...I'm not...I wish I was though...I just got one sale as I started this post, but otherwise today is the wackness at work...I can't wait until May 17, because then I can start taking days off...I did get my passport squared away though, so that's good...




Be Safe or Be Smitten.

My Wife

...is amazing. I really love her, and I love our relationship. It's not always perfect, but nothing is. I mean, just the way she looks at me, her laugh, her smile, the way she puts her hair behind her ears...the way she smiles at me with her eyes...her little nose, and the fact that she can wiggle her ears. I love her SO SO SO SO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!! I don't know what my life would be like without her, I can't imagine being with anyone else...she's smart when I'm not, tough where I'm not...she is my equal opposite giver of balance...my one, my all...my wife. A tough little woman, but scared of insects...my chef...my prayer warrior...my peacemaker...my little sweetheart with tiny little feet...I love her more than she can ever figure out. She's the person that drives me to be a better man, a better husband, a better Christian, and a better person...Overall, I truly enjoy my life...and I can't wait to see what comes in our future...



Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Sunday Afternoon

...and we are at the old roomate's house having an improptu barbeque...hamburgers, hot dogs, and 'hot sausage'...it was cool. We're having fun, talking, laughing, complaining about the trifling church people...I miss my family, but I enjoy being with my wife and hanging out with my new friends...my life is going very well right now...



Be Safe or Be Smitten...

Waiting on the Barber...

...to open up the shop...it opened at 9 and it's 9:58 right now...trifling, right? Yeah, I know. I need to get my passport today, but I need to get my beard chopped down first, I'm not trying to look like no Super Muslim in my passport pic...is that racist? If it is I don't care, because I know they aren't profiling any black people for blowing up planes...it's super nice out today, so I am glad that I am off today...unlike next week...oh well, I'll be able to start flexing out of work soon enough...






Be Safe or Be Smitten!

training

Well, it's my last day of training, so Monday I'll be back on the nightshift...and that sucks. I liked coming home everyday like a normal person...I guess it'll only be for a little while...as for training...it's still wack, and repetitive...and redundant. I learned a little bit at the start of training, but now we are doing hookups, and I remember all this stuff from my old job at Circuit City...ughh...at least it's Friday, right?



Be Safe or Be Smitten...

OMG...this is so wack

Still training...

I'm back in training again, and I'm not really feeling it. I'm sitting next to a lonely and loud chick that is begging for attention, and across from adude that chews Marijuana gum. It's all types of wack in here...but it's still better than working at night...




Be Safe or Be Smitten...

What makes you...

...an adult? I was thinking about this when I was ironing my shirt yesterday. It was like, as I was standing there, I just realized that I was an adult...but what qualifies me as one? To be perfectly honest, I don't feel any different than I was when I was a teenager...I know I do have a different decision making process now, and I'm way fatter than I was back then...but that's about it. I just saw myself from high school to college, college to working, and working to marriage....which isn't a bad thing, but I mean, at the risk of sounding really trite, it went by way faster than I thought it would.


I don't quite know what I expected to happen inside...I guess I just thought that something would click over, and I'd be an adult...and I suppose it did, but it just didn't happen the way I thought it would. I'm happy, I'm have a decent job...I'm very happily married...things are good. Better than good...but thinking of myself as an adult is weird. Very weird. I just thought I would be more, I dunno, old. I thought the things I like would change drastically, or that I'd start watching amc all the time...or that I'd drink tea every morning...not that amc and tea are bad things, or that they are only for old people...does anyone know what I'm talking about?


Be Safe or Be Smitten...

Stuff you don't Think about...

...like getting a haircut. It's something I never really put any thought into back home...if I needed a haircut, I would just stop by my boy's house, and it'd get taken care of. Since I've been here, I'm on my second barber now...why do you ask? What happened to the first one? He's M.I.A. I have no idea where he is...I mean, he is a good dude, but he just went off the deep end and left his parents' house over some foolishness. So now I'm get my haircut in the next town over from where I live...and these cats are tripped out. They seem nice, but tripped out...I sant even begin to explain it to you, they are truly a sight to behold...but as long as my hair is straight, I could care less...


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3 month anniversary...

...and it feels like so much longer. I'm not saying it like that's a bad thing...it just feels like I've been married forever. I can't really think of a time without Liz...it's kinda weird when I think about it too much. But then again, it's all kinda weird if I think about it to much...but I do love it, I love it all...just because.





Be Safe or Be Smitten

I really have to pee...

...but instead I'm at my training desk acting like I'm working...why is that you ask? I'm trying to save that break for about 430ish, close to 5. I'm also trying to schedule more training so I can work the day shift a little bit longer...I know I really don't feel like being here right now...welpers, Happy Jesus Came back Day!




Be Safe or Be Smitten.

I actually do miss...

...blogging. It was very theraputic...helped me figure out a lot about myself, and it helped me find a wife...it's been very good to me...but living in NJ, working second shift, being married...it has kept me busy, and it has kept me happy. I really only blogged when I was angry, or hurt, or just lost. Finding a peace in my life, something that I didn't get from drinking, or going to clubs, or even writing in this space. That's the only thing that I can see that has kept me away from blogging...but now I have a G1, so I think I'll be blogging more often now...or at least I'll try to!






Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Friendly Visits and Surprises

I know it's been a while, but I've been busy trying to unpack my stuff finally...I've been here since December, but because Liz's roomate didn't move as soon as she said she would...so I'm just now able to unpack my suitcases and organize my stuff...stuff meaning clothes and shoes. The whole process is making this apartment feel more like home...and I love it.



This past week was Liz's birthday, and I felt bad because we weren't able to throw the skating party like we had originally planned to....so instead I threw her a surprise dinner party at this restaurant/"club" called Swanky Bubbles...Nina came through and some of her family and friends came...it was hard keeping the dinner from her, but I felt like I needed to do something nice for her...she deserved it. We had a lot of fun, and she was really excited about it...I'm just glad that it went over well, even though about 40% of the guests didn't show...but you can't win'em all...



My friend Jon is here visiting for a while, and I'm excited. I haven't seen him in a while, and it's nice having him around...For whatever reason, I don't really feel like writing right now, so I'll have to come back when there isn't so much going on, and I have time to really write what I'm feeling right now.





Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Training Recap

Yeah, I know I haven't blogged in a while, and there is some stuff that I probably should cover...but I doubt if I will...I mean, I went to Sneakercon on the first, and I took a bunch of pictures and they are on my facebook...but I don't feel like reposting them five at a time here on blogger, and I don't really feel like talking about the experience there anymore...


...so what is it that I'm going to blog about?


I FINALLY LIVE ALONE WITH LIZ!!!


Well, I've lived in NJ since like, late December, but her roommate was still here...now the roommate told be she was going to be gone by like, January 1st...but she stayed until around last weekend...ughh...Don't get me wrong, she's cool as a person, but horrible to live with. Just messy and lazy...I can't deal with those as a package. I could deal with a neat lazy person, or a messy person that was on the move...but both? Nope, can't do it. To be for real, I'm just glad that clothing is optional at all times now...it's so freeing.


As for work, it is what it is. We talked about Rihanna and Chris Brown yesterday, along with the current state of the economy. We covered TO going to the Buffalo Bills, and the possibility of Micheal Vick going to the UFL. We discussed Arena Football, and 'The Opera' by RKelly...and like, one solid hour of a system that Co.mcast uses to reboot a modem. It was totally pointless.


Oh well.

Strangely enough though, I'm not really expecting things to turn south. Usually around the time stuff starts to go well, I try to brace myself for disappointment...but honestly, I think I've learned that it'll only show up if I sit around to wait for it...

BTW, yes it's like, 4am, and I wish I was sleeping, but my sinuses are on crack. I've really tried some of everything, and nothing at all is working. Nothing. And for whatever reason, no one understands. They think I'm lying or something...or that they are so much smarter than me, and that I must not have tried this, because this works for everyone! Yeah, not only have I tried that, I tried it twice, and the third time was extra strength. At this point, it feels like the only thing that will open these jokers up would be either fire or cocaine, and I'm not looking to throw either of them up my nostrils.


Please help!



Be Safe or Be Smitten.