Flyer than the piece of paper bearing my name...

As promised, here are the pictures of my shoes...the sad part is...some of them are left out!

Yeah, this is pretty sad...i probably have the value of a decent pre-owned vechicle sitting in my room.

Flossin'

I'm flossin; I floss so hard....shout out to The Cool Kids...youtube it, baby!!


Anyway, start my mission, leave my residence...


I'm a kick addict. I think I need to join kicksaholic anonymous; if it exists...More kick pics soon!

...and I wonder..

Man, so the party was OFF THE HOOK!! I know that phrase was so 90's but what can I say, I'm an 80's baby...

Anyway, I wish I remembered to bring in my camera, I really forgot, but it was a bottle poppin' good time... We had a stupid amount of Cristal that night, Moet...and of course Cognac. Now, I would say the name of it, but it wasn't one that I've seen before. The bottle was completely in French, and it had more notes to the flavor. It was a a very interesting night. I may or may not post a couple of pics from the hotel...but I have to discuss that with The Council. You'll get further details later...

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Lots to do and 23 hours to do it in...

Well, I'm taking a break from doing my laundry just to see if there was anything that I wanted to say to the world today...and I don't think that there is. I mean, I have a lot to do today, and my homeboy's party is tonight...that should be interesting...but not much else that I'd want to relinquish at this time. But I will have lots to say Monday when I post what happens! Until then, have a bottle poppin' good time!

Feeling Odd...

You know, I have a bunch of pain medication...like, a decent amount. Almost enough that you could consider me a hollyweird druggy; but it's all legal. I just didn't take a lot of it from my wisdom teeth getting pulled. Anyway, I feel like I've taken three pills from each bottle right now...I'm so out of it. I'm not even sure why. You know that groggy feeling you get when you wake up from a really good night of drinking? Or the pill induced haze? It's like that...and for the pill thing: it's not like I abused it, I only took ONE and I was OUT OF IT...

I can't really explain it. It's not bad, but it isn't good. I don't know. Maybe I'm a little stressed out... maybe I'm thinking too much...I don't know. I'll be OK I guess.

Fake @$$ Kicks...

I know I talked about this already...but why if you know that you bought your shoes in a Wal-Mart parking lot are you going to buy a matching outfit at the beauty supply store down the street? This dude in the lab looks like a Pittsburg Steeler Edition Condom Wrapper...

Embrace your wackness, but don't flaunt it! I mean, come on...I have on 2 am double cheeseburgler attire, and I STILL look better dressed than this cat...he needs to castrate himself...publicly.

Glow In The Dark

Yeah, so I stayed home sick...kiss my kicks.

My face hurts because I had oral surgery on Friday, and I'm still in recovery...which means the mustache cycle is gonna be down for the count this weekend.

In other news:

I HAVE TICKETS TO THE KANYE CONCERT!!! I am SO going to BOOTLEG the CONCERT!!! Maybe not, but I'm gonna give it a shot. I really don't have much to say, I was just uploading all my posts that I've been doing here to crackspace so everyone else that knows me can read about the crap I say during the week. But during the work week I realized who I'm really, REALLY looking forward to seeing in the show...I mean, I love Lupe, Kanye...and I am a SUPER big fan of N.E.R.D...but I really am excited about seeing

RIHANNA...I mean, if she's gonna be wearing get-ups like this...it makes it TOTALLY worth it to have to sit through Umbrella.

You ever wonder what is on some people's minds when they get dressed in the morning? I swear I'm sitting next to this chick; now, she's cute...but she looks like she's gonna be jogging down County street in 4 inch heels in her near future...Like Dave said, don't where a whore's uniform if you aren't a whore...especially when you are an underage whore. Ugh...

Why do people in an office think that their cubicle gives them some false sense of immortality? Do they not know that I really enjoy making you feel like a retarded hamster when you challenge me? (I had a really great picture of a hamster here, but I think the people from PETA removed it.)

I guess they don't....but they should. I mean, sometimes I really want to smack people with their own insecurities...or put them down like Scuba Steve...

Until later....

Be Safe or Be Smitten!!

What More Can I Say?

...Prime Minister back to finish my Business up...

Yeah, so I told you I'd be back like I left somethin'!!!

EARLY!

Ok, now back to the rest of the scheduled program, Le album Rouge...

The Red Album.

So chick number one, Distina, seems so dope, but acts so much like a dope that it doesn't seem worth the trouble...but for prospect number two, it gets even more complicated.

Again, to protect her identity, her name will be changed...lets call her, Flephony. Flephony is like sex in a can...cool to the mouth, refreshing, and very satisfying. She's also filling; has substance, character...would make me naked waffles...did I say NAKED waffles? She is fashionable, trendy, attractive, smart, fun, interesting. So what's the problem? She lives in North Carolina...I don't. I want her to come to Chicago to see what it would be like to be together for a prolonged period, but it keeps being delayed...plus we don't really have a "relationship". She knows I go out, she knows I have sex...as do I know her dealings. Which is good in a way, we are honest with one another, but it's kinda hard to see what can materialize that way. More frustrating than anything, but since it's low-pressure, there is no reason I can't keep this up while I'm dealing with anyone else...

And to anyone else, she was what I'd like to refer to as the Prototype;

and it was before the song even came out...

Let us call this lady, Beloni. Beloni was the first; not THE first, but the first chick I was really, REALLY into. Beloni also did me super bogus when we were younger. Like, "I don't want to deal with this entire genre of chick" bogus. But hey, that was around 10 years ago...things change right? They do; all of the amazing stuff about her is still there: beauty, witt, charm, clever, stylish...and her look is impressive...but I think she figured out all that made her awesome, so now she comes off a little arrogant; high society. That sucks. I mean, she isn't that way toward me, but you can see from the tip of her nose when she is looking down on others. She seems like she would become a bitter chick after 40 when she finds she's still alone...

...then there is everyone else:

No matter the color, age or location...I turn down chicks for the same three reasons, btw these reasons aren't the same as the ones I've found in the chicks described above, but they are the most common...

All women I have made walk the plank want one of three things:

1. Sex.

-Now I'm not saying that I'm superman, and I'm not saying that I superman on that ho, but I do put out an aura of awesomeness that some chicks can resist. I'm not lying, and I can't describe it. I'll just say this, I put it out there, and based on the woman's response, I know if she is full of $hit or if she just wants to bone.

2. Money.

-This one can be a little sneaky. Usually, she will make it beyond the first test, but she comes crashing down by the end of date one. Now, I'm not cheap...but my first date is never impressive, and I do it that way on purpose. I don't have to spend more than $30 to figure out whether you suck as a woman or not...and I don't mean suck in a good way. So depending on the chick, this will turn her off completely, and she will have major attitude for no apparent reason. Or if she is smart, and realizes that I am trying to get to know her, she'll hold off...until she "needs" something. I remember this one chick, let's call her Queen...her name was equally bogus, believe me. It was winter time, she is from Chicago...but she needs a winter coat. I'm like, "I'll take you to the store and help you pick one out." Nah, she wanted me to buy her one; I told her to call her pops...then her phone "stopped" working because she dropped it in the pedicure water. Please!! So I told her, "I guess I won't be hearing from you for a while." Then, miraculously, her phone started working again! I told her she should pick one of these up to help her in her efforts of money making:

I mean, green and gold works for Bishop Don Magic Juan, right?

Last but not least...

3. Overhaulin'

-They want me to fix their entire life...literally. I mean, I'm all for the fixer-upper...but I can't do a full restore. My name isn't Jesus, and I don't have the time or energy to devote to someone for that...and then they may or may not stay with me. I'm straight on that...they need to borrow Queen's prayer cloth.

Until Next Time;

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Can I Live???

I know that I talk about the same thing all the time, but according to "Urban entertainment", all black people have the same problems: money, drugs, and relationships...my problems tend to focus on the first and the last in the list...and I'm going to focus this post on the last...

I don't understand women. Now don't get me wrong, I understand them in the traditional sense...I even understand their struggles...but what they want, and what they SAY they want are really two different things; and that is what I'm having a problem comprehending.

I won't tell anyone's names, but even if I did, they don't read this thing anyway...so I'm gonna have some fun with this.

Girl number one, (in no particular order), let's call her Distina. Distina is a really dope chick. What I mean by dope is, she's attractive enough to be considered "cute"...which is good enough. She's smart, has goals, wants something from life besides a man and some babies. Self-sufficient. A giver. She cooks, she cleans, she has decent style. She reads books...overall, a dope chick. She does stuff and has qualities that aren't too common any more these days...and she told me that she was interested in me...so where's the problem, right? Well, according to her, I dragged out my former relationship too long...which I agree with, but considering her past relationship, she has nothing to stand on giving me that judgement...and then she tells me because of that, she isn't in "that place" anymore. WTF does that mean? Not in that place? I really don't know how to take that. So does that mean that you don't like men anymore? You feel that you don't have time for a real relationship? You don't know if you have time to learn how to have a relationship with me? She can't specify...she just tells me that it isn't personal, and that I'm awesome, but she can't date me...but she doesn't know if she will be ready any time in the near future...WTF does that mean exactly? She doesn't know...but if she doesn't know, who does? But this is the thing; the guy she was with for like, five years??? Awful person, I don't even consider him a man, and she STAYED with him, trying to work it out...I don't even have the energy to devote to the dumb @$$ $hit she stayed through with him, but I don't get a shot? Come on...at least she could tell me she is healing...but she said that wasn't the issue either. So, I have come to the conclusion that I DGAF...please try to put that together, because I don't want this page to get blocked at my job like crackspace is...but every time I decide that I don't care, she tries to push herself back into contention...this will be continued tomorrow!!!

More Kicks than Karate

I know I introduced this idea like a blog or so ago, but I am indeed a sneakerhead. I don't take that title to the full degree, I don't spend my rent money on kicks, but i have been known to overspend on shoes...like I remember one time I went out to pick up one pair that I pre-paid for...that day I left with nine pair. I bought eight pairs that I didn't plan on buying. That's bad, isn't it? But is this bad?


I have tons of shoes, and I have at least two pictures of every shoe I have, and that doesn't include group shots. So overall, I probably have at least 180 pictures of my own personal sneakers. Why would I need these? Inventory for one...for two, comparing my collection with others. The sneakerworld is very competetive. I've been to the DunkXchange twice, both times it's been to Chicago, and I wanted to see what other people were getting and wearing so I could see what I should be buying.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't buy shoes to make others happy, but I do want to impress my peers by my level of exclusiveness and the "OMG where did you find THAT!" factor. That is one of the main driving forces behind a sneakerhead...making other sneakerheads jealous. But the jealousy is always positive; it isn't a hating group. It's more like, "OOhhhh, damn! Aren't those the Internet only versions?" We just look at it, and try to take our game to the next level.

Now this guy on the left, he was on CNBC. He's from Chicago, has a MASSIVE collection...most of his shoes are worth hundreds to thousands of dollars...the shoe that the kid is holding? 2 grand easy. He flies to different cities just to buy shoes. It is a super lifestyle choice for him. He even has a barbershop that is dedicated to kicks.

Should I be taking pictures of my shoes like they are kids? I mean, I really love sneakers, and I love the attention they draw; but dude, I've got tons of pictures devoted to kicks...but I have never taken a picture of my parents! Is that nuts? I love my parents, but I remember what they look like...and I'm not gonna go to my boy and say, "Man, my '63 Dad is way better than your '67 Dad..." I mean, as a culture, how can we compare collections without doing events and taking pictures? I'm not trying to justify it, i'm just wondering if this is weird to anyone...

...just let me know.

Be Safe or be Smitten,

Chris

Sometimes I feel like a...

Whore.

The real reason I started blogging

Well, my life isn't all kicks and giggles...so I want to share what's on my mind about myself.



Sometimes I feel inadequate. I'm not really sure why...not sure if it's because of my job not being fulfilling or not having a decent relationship with a woman of interest...I'm not sure. I know what my purpose is, but I'm not really in the position to help people at the grand scale that I'd like to. I go through this every year...and this year it's coming early. I'm sure I'll get over it...I always do; but that doesn't defer the fact that these emotions suck.

Deseptycon

I'm back again...to ask a question.

Have you ever seen someone with something fake on? Fake Prada shoes, fake Chanel bag, fake hair...well, the last one isn't so bad. The rest on the other hand...I wish I could smite those people. Now although I do have a real Coach bag, it's an attaché' case, I don't mind the fake bags just as long as it is functional and not cheap looking...and please, no more fakes with all over emblems! Anyway, my main gripe is about fake sneakers. The whole point of the collectible sneaker culture is to rock shoes that impress your peers, along with yourself of course. But when the Deseptycons come out with their fake $35 dollar-I-got-these-at-the-gas-station kicks on, it makes a real sneakerhead look bad, and get pissed off.



Here is an example of a Legit Kick:










Here is a picture of some fake-@$$ shoes:











Now the differences may be subtle to some, but to most, this is a blatant rip-off. So to all of you who by your shoes on the side of the highway on Maxwell street with a polish, or if you get them with $10 on 5 at Citgo, you need to dive head first into that pit in Sparta from the movie 300. If you can't find it, the local Spartans will direct you:




So to help you future foogazy shoe purchasers, if you have any questions about the legit factor in something, ask yourself these questions...
Does it look like it came from a store?
Does this person look smart enough to steal this much stuff from a truck/store?
Does this look like it was made by a 3 year old Turkish slave?
Is this price of $12 dollars for some $300 Jordan’s too good to be true?
If your answers are no, no, yes, and yes...pass it up.

If you take the "deal", seek that hole from 300.

Be Safe or be Smitten!!

The World is over...and people are disgusting!

Click the link above to get the original article, otherwise, read below:

Kissing Dad just feels so right By Alley Einstein


Julie is madly in love — with her own father. Last year 32-year-old Julie Symonds* received an email from her mother, who had left her in care since she was six. Trying to make up for the years of neglect, her mum announced she had a surprise — she suspected she knew who Julie's real father was. Julie, who was happily married, was thrilled, but little did she realize that very soon she would be sharing the same bed as the man she should have been calling Dad — and falling in love with him. After passing over some details, Julie contacted the man whom she believed was her dad, via email. He was 52-year-old dad Jeff Thomas*, a war veteran living in LA. "My mum dumped me in care from the age of six and I never had a father-figure. Finding out I might actually have a family was thrilling for both myself and my husband," says Julie. Jeff and Julie were stunned at how alike their writing style was in emails, even down to using the same punctuation style and wording. "It was like finding a twin or soul mate," says Jeff. The pair then exchanged photos, and were shocked at the resemblance. In March, Julie and her husband flew to Los Angeles. Julie admits to feeling instantly attracted to her father. "I saw my dad, but I also saw a sexy, attractive man. Imagine my feelings of horror and excitement, especially as my husband was with me," says Julie. Jeff, too, admits to having feelings for Julie immediately. "I recognized my role as Julie's dad, but I already found myself falling in love with her," says Jeff. "I actually thought 'Well, maybe that's the process" because we kind of fall in love with our kids when they're born. I thought that maybe I was just going through this same thing, only she's an adult, and it's perfectly normal, and I kept telling myself that." Julie and her husband stayed in a hotel and met all of Jeff's extended family. A DNA test proved that Jeff and Julie were father and daughter, but with every passing day their mutual attraction — known as Genetic Sexual Attraction — was growing. Research has shown that 50 per cent of brothers and sisters or children and parents separated at birth, who find each other as adults, experience some form of sexual attraction. While Julie's husband flew home for work, Julie moved in with her dad and his then wife to get to know the family she never knew existed. A few days into the stay there was a chance for Julie and Jeff to be alone. Sitting on the couch, Julie finally came clean about her feelings. "I admitted how I was feeling, and Jeff said he loved me too. We just sat, holding hands," says Julie, who began seeing a therapist after her first meeting with Jeff. The pair kissed, and both claim the kiss and passion felt scarily right. The relationship progressed. Jeff's marriage fell apart, and under the guise of bonding with her new family, Julie stayed with Jeff, sharing a two-bedroom flat with the man she still calls Dad. Today Julie is still living with Jeff. Her husband believes she is spending time getting to know her father and doesn't know that the pair are sharing a bed. "We have done everything but had actual sexual intercourse. It's like we're an old married couple — we're in love and know that actually having intercourse cannot be far away," confesses Jeff. The father and daughter also take trips away where they can act as boyfriend and girlfriend and relish every moment away from prying eyes. "We love each other as a father and daughter, but the problem is that we love each other more as lovers. If we weren't related she'd get divorced and I'd be getting married to her," says Jeff. Despite the criminal and ethical implications, Julie and Jeff are determined to keep seeing each other. "My father has recently retired, and he's going to move near me and my husband, where we will continue our relationship," says Julie. "My husband and I have always tried to be honest with each other and we've even promised each other that if we fell in love with another person, that we would admit it. But I'm afraid that it would be too much of a judgmental issue for him. I'm afraid that I'll become a social outcast in all of the places that I go." And yes, if someone discovers their identity and secret, they have answers prepared. "I guess the way that I see it is what goes on behind closed doors is no one else's business but my own — after all it is not as though I raised Julie," says Jeff. "I don't know. If someone were to confront me on the street I am a little bit hard-headed and stubborn so I would probably come back at them with a smart-arsed remark using what intellect I have," says Julie.



What is wrong with people nowadays? Who would really want to sleep with one of their parents? That is disgusting!!! If that isn't an Oedipus complex, I'm not sure what is...

...if you don't know who Oedipus is, check the link below:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oedipus_the_King

As always, Be Safe!!

Neverending Snowery

Corny Title...unless you watched the movies, which makes it worse.

Well, it's snowing; and because this is Chicagoland, that is no surprise. My problem is, why am I the only one not shocked? Hasn't it snowed every year since the big McCormick strike of 1886? Thought so. But, if you watch the news, you'd think it was a true to fiction "Day after Tomorrow". Over exaggeration...ughhhh. Also, you'd think that people have figured out how to drive on the snow. My dad told me, "Go to a big, empty parking lot, force your car into a spin so you can be comfortable with how it handles." Has no one else tried this? Come on...I don't get it.

As for the rest of my life, I'm still sick. Physically. I've had the worst cold/flu I've ever had. It won't go away...hopefully it will, it's affecting my charisma...stuffed sinuses aren't sexy.

Too Long, too much to say...

Well, to say the least, lots of happenings since my last post. Let's try to have a recap:

-I've lost a bunch of friends to stupidity. I like to think of this as boiling down my friends to a nice concentrated form.

-I've got a different apartment. Again, smaller can be better, right? Less space, but less rent too!

-No girlfriend, of course. I have tried it all, young, old, white, black, Asian, Spanish, Indian...and those were just the restaurants! No, really, I've tried many types, none worked so far, but they all had very, VERY different problems. I've even tried to see what happened in each case; all different scenarios...

-Steady Job, for once. I only have one job, it isn't bad, decent hours, lots of overtime offered. Good benefits...even a 401k...

-I have an obscene sneaker collection now...over 70 pair, and it's only been a year of buying...still don't have all the ones I wanted to catch up on yet. And there is a whole culture and world with it, so I don't feel too bad...

-I'm big into painting now...been doing t-shirts, hoodies, and polos...only for me though. None for sale. I'm just greedy like that. I mean, I would sell one to someone, but what price do I put on a 1 of 1 by yours truly? Besides, everyone wants one, no one wants to pay.

-I'm supposed to write a book this year. I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to get that done though. It seems so hard. I mean, I have a lot to say, but I don't really know how good it'd be, or how much help it could really offer someone else. I'm good with gems of knowledge, but for a whole chain of wisdom, I'm not sure about that.

-I just got over Typhoid fever...ok, not really, but I was mad sick...on my birthday. That sucked major testicles...like Brontosaurus testicles...huge. And I STILL didn't do anything hot for my B-Day...but I really couldn't...I sounded like I had posies in my pocket...and I wasn't casket clean yet...


...well, that's it for now, back to my 12 hour grind.

Be Safe All,

Chris

P.S. This is for you Jirzygurl!

Oh yeah,

I did get another car finally. It's a '96 Crown Vic...the ultimate car of the ghetto. Well, it is at least tied with the Caprice...only because it gets better gas mileage.
I might get it painted sherbet orange...or grey. I want to make it look like an official undercover cop car; strobe lights and all. Or maybe I'll just quit this damn job and sell cocaine...I'm not quite sure which one I want to do yet.

New Job...

Man, this is mad boring...I'm listening to these people talk, and most of their comments are useless and mind numbing. I think I want to pee on the board up front...this is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
wack.


I need to post more often since I have nothing else better to do...but the pay here is excellent. I'll be happy when we actually get to our individual teams and start working...that'll be super.

Where do I begin...

It has been an eternity since my last post. I have been out on my own for about eight or nine months, and it hasn't been easy. I have a steady girlfriend that I truly love, but she lives out of state. I just lost my job, and I wrecked my car about three weeks before that. It has been a real ordeal. I'm still here though...at least I have my health. It's hard not getting down on yourself when things hit you like this...but I'm trying. I know that the LORD is here with me, and that I will make it through. I just wish sometimes that it was easier...

Man, this is reckless...

I have finally moved out of my parents' house...it feels so grandtorious!!! I'm sayin' like, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. It's cool...I really like it. The rent is affordable, my stuff is going look really nice in my place when I get all of it...and I am involved with someone...It is coming along quite nicely...I'm really happy right now. The funny thing is that her name is Christin...I know, right?

Look how time changes things...

Huh...

Yeah, I know I have been neglecting my blog, but life has been a bit busy...I have been catching up on rest and cutting bogus, lying, manipulative, retarded, stuck on themselves, just plain pointless females out of my life...(Hint: Rosland and Kristen, I'm talking about y'all, with your retarded expectations and pure wastes of my life...) That is not bitterness...it's just frustration. I mean, I know they really think that they made the decision...but they actually just saved me the trouble of telling them to forget who I am...ugh...I will write about it later, along with everything else that is going on now...

Reckless

Most of my mind wanders to what could have been...the rest of it wonders what will be. I'm not sure which outlook is better. I know that I am suppose to make the best of what I have, but it still erks me that I let what I had slip away. I am not talking about a girl...but I am talking about opportunities. I mean, I do have another plan developed, but it isn't as promising looking as the original plan was. I guess that is only because I have no idea how it's going to pan out. I know I am going to be a success at whatever it is that I am suppose to do with my life, but still. The suspense mounts daily...life really is a test after all, it just gives you a bunch of chances to make it up...unless you give up.

Life is an Anonymity...

Much has passed in front of my eyes these few weeks...


I feel the recurring Mike Jones theme song playing in my head, "Back then, didn't want me...now I'm hot, all on me..."

I don't get it. How many times do I say that? I'm still a milk man, I'm still in the process of preparing myself to move out, but in the same breath it isn't as stressful to do so anymore. I'm not really worried about it anymore. Me and Dad are mending our relationship...that's pretty cool...I messed up the driver's side fender...but I may just take it off and replace it myself; sans duct tape. My job is getting better...i guess...Tampico is the negro...


I'm still losing weight...I have lost about 35 to 40 pounds...I almost feel sexy...


Life is pretty mellow...my affinity for Kristen has faded away...but it seems like it's trying to apply itself to Rosland...even though I don't want it too...

Plus, there is another girl who actually likes me now...I might start to date her and see what's up with that.

Not much else has been going on...pretty lame, huh?

Amazing...

I know this isn't very much of a time difference between my last post and today's post, but I feel a whole lot better.

For starters...I have decided if a chick can't appreciate the wonderful cat that I am, too bad for her...she missed out. I'm not ugly, and I have a personality...I do drive a Honda, but I don't sell drugs...I have a job, with benefits, and I am actually intelligent...


...and I'm not trying to bone!!!


So, I think that is a pretty good start...

Plus I groom fairly well for the weekends, and my style is cool, but not overbearing...and I always smell good...that's always a plus. Chicks are just finicky during the summer...guys are too, so don't sweat it.


I have a lot to offer, and I'm getting in shape...my arms are looking nice!

So, in closing; I'm cool...not just in the trite slang sense of the word's meaning, but I feel fine...I think I just needed to get that crap out of my system...plus I hadn't slept much last week...that probably contributed to my condition.

So, I will be kickin' it, with either overpriced coffee in my hand or some tea/lemonade mixed enjoying my summer...

I even have a fresh pair of white on whites...with a reserve with the gum bottom...

Yeah, I'll be cool...

To be honest...

I guess that is pretty much how I am, and lately, that is how I have felt. I feel drained all the time, and to compensate, I go and hang out with my friends to make me feel better...I feel lonely even still...I don't know. It's the oddest reality of sorts. I'm tired of dealing with problems. I need a streak of successes or something...a reward...I don't know...at least some free gas for my car...

aghhhhhhhaggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhaghghghlsddljafeiowhnvdo;wierujoenw vl!!!!!!!!


I have absolutely NO IDEA what that would sound like, but I do think the Neptunes could sample it and get paid off of my angst...but I'm not even a teen...

whatever.

I'll get over it.

...the question is how?

Infamous Color Quiz Pt. II

I took this a while ago, and it gave me some startling accurate results...this is what it said initially:

Your Existing Situation

Insecure. Seeks roots, stability, emotional security, and an environment providing greater ease and fewer problems.

Your Stress Sources

Delights in the tasteful, the gracious, and the sensitive, but maintains his attitude of critical appraisal and refuses to be swept off his feet unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore keeps a strict and watchful control on his emotional relationships as he must know exactly where he stands. Demands complete sincerity as a protection against his own tendency to be too trusting.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Circumstances are such that he feels forced to compromise for the time being if he is to avoid being cut off from affection or from full participation. The situation is preventing him from establishing himself, but he feels he must make the best of things as they are.

Your Desired Objective

Seeks affectionate, satisfying and harmonious relationships. Desires an intimate union, in which there is a love, self-sacrifice and mutual trust.

Your Actual Problem

Needs to protect himself against his tendency to be too trusting, as he finds it is liable to be misunderstood or exploited by others. Is therefore seeking a relationship providing peaceful and understanding intimacy, and in which each knows exactly where the other stands.


...this is what I got today:

Your Existing Situation

Willing and adaptable. Only at peace when closely attached to a person, group, or organization on a which reliance can be placed.

Your Stress Sources

The tenacity and strength of will necessary to contend with existing difficulties has become weakened. Feels overtaxed, worn out, and getting nowhere, but continues to stand his ground. He feels this adverse situation as an actual tangible pressure which is intolerable to him and from which he wants to escape, but he feels unable to make the necessary decision.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Very exacting in the standards he applies to his choice of a partner and seeking a rather unrealistic perfection in his sex life.
Conditions are such that he will not let himself become intimately involved without making mental reservations.

Your Desired Objective

Wants to swipe aside the things that stand in his way, to follow his impulses, and be involved in special or exciting happenings. In this way he hopes to deaden the intensity of his conflicts, but his impulsive behavior leads him to take risks.

Your Actual Problem

The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond his capabilities, or his reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. He attempts to remedy this by intense activity and by insistence on getting his own way. Faulty self-control can lead to ungovernable displays of anger.


Anyone who knows me that reads this blog, is this really me???

The Heart of the Sun

To understand principle is to fully grasp not only what has been declared as so, but to understand the vantage point that it was delivered from. This has eluded me for many moons...but not to dwell on the past, lets move forward...

Principle has always been a cornerstone of my own understanding and revelation knowledge, but I don't quite get why indifference is translated into insubordinance in certain arenas. To decide what one's fate is before they are cast from the womb is not only unfair, but it is unjust. Yet, some actions have been the precursor for some predictaments that I have faced...I could just cast it away as something I can't understand, but that is an excuse...as everything else seems to be. I don't quite understand the difference between excuses and explanations...

Where did it all start? Alas, much has been said of the situation, but not of the outcome...much is said of the outcome, but not the conditioning...You learn how to pacify, and that is included into a list of cop-outs....

You ask why my face displays the reactions it paints...and I ask why does the painter paint but for inspiration? Yes, can you see it now? I don't think you can. Even if I extract verbatim what something is, analogous conceptions are hung out to dry.

...then what is the issue?

Lose vs. Lose...either way, you give the same opinion, then why ask? You can save the comments on my incompetive behavior, for one learns from either example or condition, what else is there?

Do you have an Answer?

Brick Wall

I'm not going to bother explaining what this has to do with...but if that person is reading this, then I guess they'll know what this means...'cause I sure don't:


All I keep seeing is a brick wall. It is ridiculously high, I have no idea how to get over it. I mean, I've gone around it, but it is still there...a nuisance. It's really getting on my last nerve. I don't get it, and more than likely, I never will. I've helped many people climb walls like this, but I can't seem to find anyone that can really help me. I've talked to the wall...but my words just bounce off...stone can't understand words or reasoning. I don't get it. I understand molecular biology, but not this. They should have classes on wall climbing. I'd take four. I can't even understand why I can't just accept that this is a wall that I cannot climb...I want to though. Not for the sense of accomplishment, and not for a trophy...but because this is the only wall that has ever made me feel like I can quit. This is the only wall that seems like it matters. In my mind...all I see is this cinnamon colored wall...has to be like 5 million yards high...but its foundation is so stable that it won't fall over...I guess I'll just settle for a life of nothing for another 11 months...oh man, I want to cry.

As We Proceed...

...to give you what you need!!!


Man, I haven't heard that in a while...

Well, me and Rozzdizzle are pals now, which is a refreshing change...I mean, I know I have one other female friend...



...but she's different. I don't quite know what to say about her; even still.


Work is becoming annoying. Six day work weeks are no joke, and it seems like as soon as I recover halfway, here comes work, staring me in the face...ugghhhhh
I need more money.

I think I need to anoint my wallet with oil or something.



Moving out is becoming the growing trend in my life. All my plans start with, "I'm moving out, so..." It's like, before I spend money, I'm thinking that the $4.75 I'm about to spend could buy a box or something to move out with...it's becoming almost retarded in my mind, but I do need to save more...i might stop going out for a couple weeks, just to save more money.



I wish I had more to write...but I really didn't do much this weekend...

Blah, blah, blah, bye.

Light-Skinned Complex

I have been accused of having a light-skinned complex. I know why, it's just I don't quite agree with them. I mean, yes, I'm yellow, but I am an equal opportunity employer, so I don't know why they think I only like light girls. I mean, my top ten list is flooded with light and exotic women, but that doesn't mean I don't think brown and dark skinned girls are equally as beautiful. Maybe I have a preference...I can agree with that. But everybody has a preference. Look at the trends...dark, bald, midnight-infused negroes were, and still are all the rage...you don't see me pointing the finger, do you? I might complain that I should have been born in '76 so I could have been in style, but that's about it...I mean, I don't get it. I dated a white girl, and I got the "Couldn't you have at least got somebody ETHNIC!?!?!?!" look from black chicks...then I dated a few asian and hispanic girls and got the, "You think you are too good for black girls, huh..." look. Then I dated some light or mixed, (black and asian, black and hispanic), girls...then all the brown and dark girls are screaming, "LIGHT-SKINNED COMPLEX!!!" at me...


I can't win.

Then all my friends hate on my hair, so I cut it...then they all want to grow their hair out to try to make it look like mine did...even though it never will...my hair was fantastic...


oh well...

I guess I'll live.

Three Things...yeah I stole it, what!?!?!?

I know this isn't the first one you read, but oh well...


THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. Two extended length black tees
2. Black jeans
3. ...and my illustrious black and gray bapes...

THREE THINGS ON MY DRESSER
1. My keys
2. Eclipse Mints
3. Pocket change

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. Go to Japan
2. Have my own island
3. Have a great wife and kids...

THREE GOOD WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY
1. Witty
2. Humorous
3. Thoughtful

THREE BAD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
1. Sarcastic
2. Analytical
3. Harsh

THREE PARTS OF MY HERITAGE
1. African-American
2. 1/8th Irish
3. I'm Yellow!!!
THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. Hair
2. Face
3. Eyes
THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. Butt...(I'm a man...it isn't suppose to be this big...)
2. Chin...it's too small
3. Eyebrows...but I don't wax them...

THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME
1. That I talk differently to certian people that I think can't understand my vocabulary or wouldn't appreciate it...
2. I don't go out of my way to talk to women
3. I'm shy

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST
1. "...for real?
2. "Are you Serious?!?!?!"
3. "You. Are. Retarded."

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
1. Paris
2. London
3. Tokyo

THREE NAMES THAT I GO BY (other than normal name)
1. Chris
2. C.J. (Family and super-close inner circle family friends call me that.)
3. Christopher James (only one young lady calls me that.

THREE SCREEN NAMES I HAVE HAD
1. FoSho2405
2. CapnPimp2213
3. blazesandstorm

The Look...

I'm not quite sure what it is, how I got it, or how or where it was developed...but I have this look...

No, I'm not America's Next Top Model, and it isn't even about aesthetics...It's just the way I look at women. I mean, I don't demean them at all, but when I'm interested, I have a way of looking at them: I just don't understand it. I just figured out this weekend that I have this "power". I mean, it's actually kinda hilarious. I just look into their eyes...and if I'm into their eyes, I kind of let there eyes wrap themselves around my essence until they trust me, and they start to feel warm inside. How do I know that they get all warm inside you ask??? They start to tug at their shirts like they aren't quite sure of what type of material it was made from, or like they are trying to rub something off their fingertips gently...It's the oddest thing to see. It reminds me of when James Bond talks to Moneypenny or something...

Now, if there is female that is reading this that I know personally...I doubt if I ever gave you all the look...and more than likely, you will NEVER see it, (unless you just so happen to see when when I shoot it at another woman...).

I mean, I know pretty much who reads this site...but anyway, don't ask me to do it. I can't really do it on demand...it's just something that happens...like photosynthesis.

Weird, huh?

I'm not too sure of anything...

Really now, do you expect any different anymore???

I think women are a distraction.

No...women ARE a distraction. I mean, they are fantastic and all, but now it is just getting ridiculous. Every single time I go ANYWHERE with ANYONE, there are at least 2.8 women that I know out, and they just miss me so much...yeah right...I really don't get it...it must be the whole "summer love" thing...


Aside from that, everything else is cool. Work is fine, my benefits are cool...I think I'm going to get the lasik surgery in a month or so...I just bought some new sneakers, a watch, some shirts, a jacket, and a cell phone...It's a throwback Nextel, but I got it for a steal!

Man, I'm not sure what else to say...I'm becoming more of a brother to one of my childhood friends, Richard. He's a good guy, he just needs some one to talk to...his father treats him kinda bogus...asked him if he wanted some condoms for prom...why would you ask your son that??? I mean, even if he NEEDED them, you think that he wants to talk to his father about that sort of thing? I mean, that's cool if you have that type of relationship with your dad, but he doesn't. That doesn't add up to me, but maybe it isn't suppose to...

This is Goofy...

I mean, I said last time I was swearing off the wife search, but why now three women from my immediate past pop up, and the girl I met at the restaurant down the street from my house wants to go out this Saturday...a girl I worked with at CLC wants to go out Sunday after church...I don't get it. I'm starting to really believe that women are just a big distraction...I mean, me and Lanese are cool, Kristen and I are pretty good friends...I'm cool, I guess. I don't know. This is just the wackiest thing, dealing with women. I mean, I LOVE WOMEN, but I don't like not knowing how to react sometimes. I know I may come off as this super brilliant guy to most of the women I talk to, sometimes I just don't know how to explain the emotions that make me feel like a dufus. Whatever...

Diary of a Mad Milk Man...

You have noticed that as of late, I haven't been blogging lately. I mean, it is more than the fact that I have been busy...and it is even more than the fact that I no longer work at the College of Last Chance...I just haven't wanted to. I mean, I am a pretty open person, and I am willing to share myself with people, but I haven't felt the need to. I have been feeling a great mixture of emotions as of late, and I don't quite understand what they all mean. I have pretty much given up on the Wife Search for now...even if I find or have found her, I probably couldn't handle her right now, and even if I could handle her in my life, I'm not sure if I know how to handle a woman in my life anymore. Then trying to figure out if a girl/woman really actually appreciates you the same way you appreciate her without getting your feelings hurt is a greatly unnecessary hassle...I don't quite know anymore. The more life I live, the more I come to understand that I really don't know anything. Most of my knowledge is relative, and even with that, I am questioning my own sense of "absolute truths". I'm not questioning God, and I am not questioning my own sexuality or anything like that, but still...Things that I thought that I knew how to decipher are coming back with confusing results. I need a vacation. From life. Like a sort of way to pause my own existence, and learn new things...relax, and then unpause exactly where I left...not losing any time. My poetry is flowing pretty well....I am seeming to grow spiritually...my bond with my male friends is growing exponentially...I should be happy, right?













Then Why Aren't I Happy???

Educational Technology Specialist

Now, what do you think this post is about? Yes, it is about my job at the College of Lake County. No, it is not my position, but the position of my "supervisor". He is soooo good at his job that he shows up whenever he wants to...he fantasies about underage girls, and he also plays favoritism when it is convenient. He is the worst person, as far as skill is concerned, at his position. He is lazy, completely inefficient, and a wuss...

Now, why am I bad mouthing this guy like this? Simply because he chose to dodge responsibility for his actions, and it just so happens that one of my friend's is the dean of this campus. He ignores responsibility of his actions, and of his lab assistants. Now, today he chose to b***h me out about it, and I wasn't feeling it...so I told him about himself. Now, am I worried that I will get fired for it? Possibly. But not before I take him down with me...

Retarded People

Most of you all know by now that I work part-time at a community college here in Waukegan. I have complained on numerous occasions about people acting all retarded in my labs...this is the kicker though....

Today, a Black co-worker of mine who is in the lab on his off-time is complaining to me about the printer. He is saying how I should be doing my job, and I should be in the room at all times so he can print. Now, normally speaking, this is all well and fine, but he doesn't really know what my job is here. See, I get paid more than he does. A considerable amount more. So, with that, I have more responsibility...There is always more than one lab open, and there is always one lab assistant for each lab. Being the fact that I get paid more, I have to do more stuff...all he has to do when he is here is monitor the lab that he is sitting in...that's it. Meanwhile, I have to monitor the lab, open and set up multiple classes, and troubleshoot for the classes in session. I have a walkie-talkie. Not him. He thinks that I have it SO easy...whatever. Then I tell him what the problem is, and he gets all whacked out on me, complaining that I am wrong, and he is right. First off, I've been here longer than him...Second, I have taken two years worth of CompSci classes...of the Engineering sort...I think he might be a general studies major...Third, this has happened before, this current printer problem, and now it is doubled with a whole new problem...so it isn't as easy as clearing a paper jam...Forth, if every time you print, the paper jams, wouldn't you think it was much more than an alignment problem? I guess not...maybe I am the retarded one...

I doubt it.

The Hottest Milk Man Ever?

Yeah, I know I did a post about the #1 Milk Man...this is still along the same line as that:


Me and my new driver, Jim, were joking around about the whole best milk man ever thing...and then he tells me that I'm the hottest milk man ever...

No, it's not some sort of homo-thing, it's just that these women keep flirting with me, and their advances are not ones that I wish to entertain. Now I know that beauty is only skin deep, and don't judge a book by its cover, but still...I mean, one lady is like, 48 years old, and she smokes weed...plus she has a son older than me. Aside from all that, she isn't really my type. You have to be at least somewhat attractive to me.

Yet and still, even though I have never given these women any sort of idea that I am interested in them, they continue to call me "baby" and "sweetheart" all the time. It's even at the point now where they are giving us free coffee and free soft drinks to us every time we go. My driver is trying to get me to flirt more often so we can get free sandwiches, but I don't think I want to entice these ladies at all.

Then, yesterday I went to lunch with my friend Richard, and I met a girl at the restaurant. It was the funniest thing. I was looking at the menu, trying to decide what to order, and she is just staring at me. I thought I had something in my nose...then she blurts out, "...So, is it nice outside?" I'm like, "...uuUhh, not really. I mean, its not warm enough to leave my coat off..." And then from there we had a little small talk. I didn't think too much of it, then she sat at the table next to us...eating on "her break"...so, I'm just like, whatever...then she starts asking me questions during the breaks between me and Richard's conversation. It was so obvious that she wanted to talk to me, but Richard was trying to "talk" to her. Eventually I talked to her about church, and she sounded interested in going, so I gave her the address to my church...and then she gave me her phone number...she said she was going on a 8 day cruise, and when she got back, she'd go to church with me...

I don't quite know how to take that...

Understanding...

Yes, I know by now y'all are tired of me going all deep on you, but I can't help it:


Understanding. It is something often reached for, but never quite grasped. The problem with my generation is the "IKE" mentality. Meaning, I Know Everything...don't trip, I even fall into this category myself, that's why I find this epiphany so ironic. Once we come into "our own" as far as knowledge is concern, we tend to lend a deaf ear to those who have wisdom on situations that you are approaching. So instead of attaching yourself to that wise individual, and soaking up their tutelage, you slight them, and turn away. The worst part about it is that we treat God the same way...he cracks open the window of Revelation, and we now think we are omniscient...he gives us one-seventh of one percent of his understanding to stand on, and we think that we can see the future of the whole world...

I'll leave you with this: Consider yourself a coin, and consider God a hand. Place the coin in your hand. Now make a fist over that coin...when you feel like your troubles are surrounding you, and you can't breathe because everything is getting too close and too tight, that is just God making a fist around you so he can fight your battles for you. You are more than a conqueror...and God always holds you in his hand. Even when you walk away, he still has your back, and he still loves you.


I hope that helps someone because it has helped me.

Take care Y'all!

Really?

Yeah, so I'm really really about to bounce out of this piece and get me some sleep...I am soooooooooo tired...I'll be ok though. It's nothing I can't handle. After my nap I have chuuuch...then some more sleep, and then off to work. Hopefully I'll have something worthwhile to talk about tomorrow...

Grandparents...

No, I'm not a grandparent, nor am I a parent. Yet in still I wonder what is going on in the heads of mine...

I went over my grandpa's house yesterday, and it was an experience to behold. They act like they haven't seen me in twenty years, and try to make me feel guilty for not coming around. I mean, they NEVER come to my house, and we live about twelve minutes away from him...then he starts telling me that I'll never amount to anything if I don't go to college...how I should have stayed in "computers" and I'll never have my own house working "crappy" jobs...I bared through it, and I'll live, but it can be very annoying.

Yeah, And?!?!?!

For whatever reason, I have been getting really agitated with people lately...I don't think that they are doing anything worse than normal...it's just the my patience has been short as of late. Hopefully it's just the change in sleeping pattern, or maybe it is just the same as before...me not being comfortable...
Plus it doesn't help that I am REALLY tired right now...I keep falling asleep...I'll be okay though, I just need some rest.
I think.
I can see daylight in my finances...I think I may be able to come into my own soon...but then what? I'm not sure...

Hey People!

What's going on Blog People! I haven't really been myself lately. I don't understand why I've been acting so weird...it's like, stuff hasn't been lining up like it should in my mind. I mean, everything else is fine. Work is cool, church is cool, my fam is fine...and my friends are cool...I don't get it...yo no se'...yeah, but I think I'm meeting Kristen again today for coffee or something...no romantic intentions, just trying to cultivate a friendship...yeah, I know...you don't believe me...whatever. I'm just kinda hype right now for some reason...I think it's the caffeine...Well, I gotta get back to Harold and Kumar go to White Castle...

Hitch...

Yeah, I just watched Hitch...at the movie theater...

It was really good. The only thing that bothered me is I drew way too many parallels to myself...It was unnerving. I mean, if you have seen the movie, the way he talks to his clients is the way I think...and then I started to wonder if I really believe the stuff I say to myself. I mean, I know I have a couple scars here and there, but am I trying to mend them with female affection? I'm not sure. True enough, I did go see this movie with Schantelle...but that was it, we just watched a movie...all it is is a movie...right? I guess.

Well...I hope my mind clears up by tonight...

Best. Milk Man. Ever.

...not saying that I am, but I did hear about an interesting fellow that use to work at the dairy...


There was this guy, and he was all juiced up on steroids, and he would always proclaim the "fact" that he was the "Best Milk Man Ever!" I thought it was a joke...but it wasn't. Any time he had some sort of difficulty with some of his co-workers, he would always go back to his favorite saying, "You're just jealous because I'm the best milk man ever!!!" Quite a unique individual. Eventually the guys wanted him to quit, because he was really annoying and a very large pain, so they would pour a mini bottle of Drakkar into his seat every night until he refused to drive his truck anymore, then due to insubordination, he was fired...

...so remember:

If you are the "Best Milk Man Ever" make sure you like Drakkar...

I'm not sure...

I've been feeling a little odd lately...


I guess I'm okay, but I'm not feeling it. I mean, I got a nice card from Lanese, Schantelle left me a nice message on V'day, and I went to lunch with Kristen yesterday...The last had no romantic intention, but it was nice just the same. I am making twice as much as I did at DG...I'm making moves so I can move out...and my car is doing fine...I am even getting benefits next month...

So what's wrong???

I'm not sure...


What more do I want? I'm getting good, clean attention...I talk to someone who stimulates my mind...so what is the problem???

My poetry is even flowing...

I'm not sure what else I need.

Hopefully I'll be fine...

Mind Flow...

Well, work is work, so with that I am satisfied for now. As far as anything else, I'm not too sure. I mean, I am happy...well, content with what I'm doing right now; but I still don't feel right. I am making a feeble attempt at dating, and it is going fine...but I think due to circumstances played out by both parties, we got too into each other way too fast. Gotta cool your jets...don't want to burn out or run out of gas...but yeah...

My bank account is getting healthy again, losing that anorexic look...


I just posted like, seven or so poems on my poetry page yesterday. It was fulfilling. More so than what I thought it would be. I need to release that side of me more often...at church on my B-Day I freestyled a poem...it wasn't all that great to me, but to the audience, well, some cried. They were moved. I mean, right after I did that, they did alter call because the spirit was so high...kinda showed me that what I think is good doesn't always matter.

...On the other hand, me and my guy John have been making some HEAT in the lab. I mean, I'm a harsh critic, and these tracks we made are hot for real for real...I'm not saying that we are the new Neptunes...but hey...

I spoke with a friend that I haven't talked to in a long time, and they told me some things about myself that I never thought they noticed. I mean, a lot of stuff, in detail...all good stuff, but I just didn't think they cared enough to notice. It was kind of refreshing.

Other than that, nothing is really going on...

I'm your Pusha...

Well, the milk job is runnin' fine, I just need to schedule in some nap time!!! I'll post more tomorrow, I'm at John's house making some tracks in the lab, but I'll comment more on my life tomorrow...Did I tell y'all that I get free orange juice and eggs and stuff from work? What an odd perk, right?

Hide and Seek

...this movie is tripped out. For anyone that has seen it, I don't think the ending is as predictable as some people say...but it was good. More of a suspense thriller...I thought i would have some kind of deep connection to it, and break down stuff in it, but if i did, it would ruin the movie...so if you want to know what i think about something, just ask me a question about it if you have seen it...but I would recommend it if you like intellectual movies...

Isn't it Ironic?

Well, I'm "sad" to say that I have pretty much called it quits at the good old DG...(Dollar General). The thing is though, I would have never got the job with Muller-Pinehurst if it wasn't for me talking to the guy who delivered the milk to the store. You have to admit that the situation of me finding a new job at my current job is rather humorous. Anyway, not much else is on the horizon...I turn 22 on Friday...nothing planned. More than likely I'll just go hang out with some friends after work. I watched White Noise last week, and that was horrible. "Worst. Movie. Ever." I mean, cinematically speaking, it was ok, but other than that, it was horribly bad...

I already got my first birthday card...it was from Lanese...I was kinda tickled when I saw it...it made me blush...which isn't hard to do, I am kinda high-yellow.

Things really feel like they are coming together...now only if I can get this whole "healing" thing down, I'd be all set...

Pushing Milk like Crates...

Yeah, well, I know I already have two jobs, but is that really enough??? I guess not, because now I am going to be a milk man...


Yes, a milk man. I know what you're thinking...no, I will not have on a white outfit going door-to-door...I will be delivering milk to different stores...not too bad...good pay...

We'll see how this pans out...

The Aviator

Well, I saw The Aviator...it was a good movie. Left me in a bit of a disarray. Well, he had some sort of disorder, I forget which one it is, and he just gets so compulsive that he goes completely insane. I felt bad for him...I mean, his mother set up this type of behavior about "being clean" when he was a child because of all of the diseases that when rapid in his childhood...but they simply overpowered him. It appeared as if he sold his soul at an early age, and he was being tormented by the demons around him because of it. Startling to say the least...but it was well shot. They borrowed the "Hell's Angels" review scene from A Clockwork Orange, but other than that, it was a good picture. The roles were played very well...you felt like you were actually watching Hughes go through his life, ups and downs, instead of just watching a docudrama...nevertheless, it was a good movie.

...after the show its the after-party...

yah yah whatever...I know it's another Jay-Z influenced title...but I'll be ok.


there really isn't much on the horizon right now. I just found a decent site to download movies from again...that was nice. Other than that, I'm not to interesting...

well, here is something:

what is it with underage girls tryin to talk to me? I mean, I know I'm not that old, (22), but I have gone the extra effort and gone without my mach 3 for about ten days...I even showed some chest hair yesterday...And this little 17 year-old still gave me her number...I threw it away, but hey, I looked old! I guess it is a pleasant change from old ladies tryin' to talk to me...

I don't know what it is, I think I have too much on my mind sometimes throughout my day. It's weird. like I live in "The Wonder Years ptII" or something. I think I put so much pressure on myself that I syke myself out and lose hope, or even faith in what I'm doing. I slowly punk myself and lose what it is that I'm suppose to keep up with for others. I mean, I'm not saying that I'm not responsible...but I just lose focus sometimes. I mean, you can only focus in on one thing...everything else is along the path to what you are focused on...

on another note:

Someone recently told me that hickeys can lead to cancer...is that true?

What more can I say?

Well...things aren't going to bad as of late. I'm a little fatigued at the moment, but I'll live. I haven't really been up to much lately...just working and church like normal. The only thing that has changed is that I talk to a friend of mine every night: Lanese. I like her. I mean, I went on one date with her, it was fun, but I really haven't made a fair assessment as to what are relationship is going to involve, but I feel like I'm already involved. Weird, huh? As for Camo Soul, we had an art show last week on Thursday. It went well. I wasn't there, but it went well. I feel like I will be pursuing my "inventions" with more fervor soon...I'm going to start building my credit back up, and hopefully go into real estate investment. We'll see. The fast is cool...no meat no juice is kinda rough, but again, I'll be ok. I've been finding some unstartling things out about myself that I didn't know was still there. I'm still sad about how I treated my ex and how that relationship dissolved...I'm still sad about how I treated girls in high school...I didn't know that I haven't allowed myself to heal from that, and I have been just displacing it. I wasn't aware. Now that I know, I don't quite know what it is that I'm going to do. I know that I don't need to rush things with anyone right now. I know that I need to be able to sustain on my own. I need a real job...

...but I'll be ok. I haven't had too much creativity flowing through me lately. I don't know what's up with that. I don't quite know what I feel right now...maybe a little bit panicked...but that's about it. I don't think that I need to right a poem about that.

yeah, I'm still fasting, and i put together a desk...

I am at a friend's house of mine, and now I feel SO accomplished because I just put together a computer desk for them...it took like 45 minutes, but it was cool...

The fast is a trip...I don't think that I will eat another chicken salad for the rest of my life...

Other than that I'm cool...I'm still working at both jobs, and well, I'm getting tired of it...but I'm thinking about selling cars to people who want those "hot Japanese Imports..."

Wow...this was an eventful break...

Well, Christmas and New Year's was fine. One of my boys came up from Harvey to see me on New Year's Eve...we had fun. I hadn't really spent time with him like that since we were kids...

That was the easy part.

I wrote about this girl on my site a while back, her name is will be, "the one we do not speak of"...She called me one night and told me she was back in town. The next day we went to the mall, to the beach...we spent the whole day together...just talking. It was great. She went to church with me, she even liked it, and she took notes! Everything was looking good; until I prayed about her and God told me I shouldn't date her, she need me to be her friend. That hurt, but I had to do what I had to do...so as quick as it started, it was over. Then I talked to Kristen, and I figured that I better just leave her alone as a friend also. She's way too busy, and she doesn't seem like she is to into me...then there is someone else I met, Lanese...

Man, she is mad cool...I talked to her on the phone longer than I have EVER talked to anyone. She just put out this real, and comfortable vibe...it was nice. I'm still going to pray about her, but right now. I am feeling her. I don't know. I still need to get my affairs in order, but I do want to date her. That isn't bad, is it?

Other than that, I'm cool. I'm on a fast right now, and it's going pretty good...haven't eaten anything bad yet, but I'm growing tired of the same stuff all of the time.

I'll fill you in...

Well, it has been a very eventful break to say the least. I got a lot of great gifts for Christmas, I kinda dated someone for a while, then broke it off, and lost 15 pounds...but I really don't have time to elaborate, but I will tell you about it Wednesday...

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind pt.2

...wow....


This movie was a trip. The guy, Josh, ends up fighting in his memory to keep his thoughts from being deleted about his girl, Clementine. He changed his mind about getting her deleted, but it was too late. He saved just enough in his mind to know where to meet her again the next day and start over. It was really touching. I think I would actually like to buy this movie, and watch it again just to better analyze it...

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

Have you heard of this movie? It's an interesting concept...to have someone completely erased from your memory. Is there someone that I would want totally erased from my memory, I could say yes, but then, I wouldn't have any type of learning experience from the situation...they say that ignorance is bliss, but is it truly bliss if you relive the exact situation because you haven't already gone through it? It would take a large amount of pain to take someone to that level. What if they erased too much? What if I wanted the memory back? It's not something that I want to even think about too hard...just like with Vanilla Sky, would you rather live in a dream world that you know is a dream world, or would you want to wake up and see what is really going on in the real world...I'm not sure...back to my original question path...what if you found out that someone got you erased from their memory? Would you want them erased out of your mind too? I don't know...it's kinda weird. I think it would bother me terribly if someone erased me out of their memory...

...huh.

I know that I don't like Wesley Snipes all that much...I mean, the whole thing with Halle and him kinda burned me up, but he can make killing vampires look really entertaining...I just started watching Blade Trinity...so far it's a good movie...

Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired...

I've been sick for almost a full six days now. This is really bugging me. Usually I might be sick for about three days, maybe four...but not six. I have too much to do, too much to pay to be sick right now. I'm still going to work at both of my jobs, but having to cough or blow my nose is agitating...my eyes get hot...sometimes I think I may be able to set things on fire by glaring it over...whatever, I'll be ok.

...yeah, right.

So, I know that I have been complaining lately about the whole, "I'm driving again, so now I'm cute..." but it is still bothering me. Yesterday I had a conversation with two different women about how much they like me. This is almost an overwhelmingly obvious attack at me, trying to throw me off course...but I don't know. I KNOW I would be complaining if no one noticed me, but still...I don't know. My orientation starts tomorrow at 7:00am, and I'm kind of excited. Hopefully it will be a good job, and it will allow me to do what I have to do with my money...other than that, I'm fine. Christmas is coming up, and everyone in my family is SO EXPENSIVE to shop for...I'm a little worried about that. Plus finding time to shop...oh wow, am I looking forward to that.

Life.

There is something new that I have realized about life. I already recognized that God will always give you a way out of a situation, but he will also bring someone in to your life that you can assist with advice that not only helps the person, but it also helps you out. I've met a young lady on the internet that is phenomenal, but she is running into these "characters" that toy around with her life leading her into confusing mind-games that lead to no positive ending. I mean, men are always complaining about how "There are no good girls left out there..." but yet in still, they are always making a mess out of the women that they run across. Don't they realize that it took someone to meet and confuse the good girls so they end up in a jumbled mess??? For some reason I always run into these young women who have been through the most horrible things, and they always seem to tell me about them in full detail. I feel so bad for these females, and I really try to help them out, but there is never going to be a way for me to fix them back up...that is something that they have to do for themselves with God...but anyway, I use to feel so bad for them, and then I use to ask, "Where are all of the good girls at?" I had to realize that they are out there, and until I have been repaired from the damage that I put myself through, I won't be able to do anything but bring the other person down that I am interested in. That is the way people work, whether they like it or not. So I guess I'm just saying this to all the "good girls": Be Careful. There are a lot of guys out there that project this great image of themselves as a really wholesome, caring, and endearing individual...but they are really a low down dog...and I know this, I mean, I did it...although it wasn't intentional. Just stay prayed up, or however you say that, and stay strong...your man will come through when you are both ready for a healthy relationship.

Thanksgiving Day

Well, I know it's kinda late to be writing about Thanksgiving Day, but it took me a while to debate whether or not to talk about it...
Thanksgiving Day was cool, kinda chill though. I ate dinner with my parents, and my grandma came over and brought some greens and her sweet potato pies...Everything was good, but right after dinner was over, I ran downstairs and changed clothes so I can go over to Kristen's house for Thanksgiving "Dessert"... Yeah, I just said dessert, but before I get into that, let me explain who Kristen is.
Kristen is a friend that I met in January of last year. It was kind of an accidental meeting through a mutual acquaintance, but I met her none the less...any way, I have been in contact with her since. Nothing too major. I just would talk to her while at school and I would talk to her on the telephone. I mean, I would've taken her out, but I was on the bus...my license was suspended at that time...but yeah, I told her that I was interested in her, but I wanted to take the time to get to know her better...
So, I got dressed, grabbed the two bottles of non-alcoholic chardonnay that I bought the night before and raced out the door. It took me about twenty minutes to find her house, but it should have only took ten. I finally found a parking spot, and walked up to her door. Her house looked like something that belonged in an episode of "Leave it to Beaver", but it wasn't corny...I looked to my left as I walked in and saw a full-blown dining room table spread. The turkey was even in the center of the table...I didn't think that people really do the whole table spread like that, but it did look nice. Her mom was busy cleaning off the table; she fit the house, a black June Cleaver...she had the apron on and the whole nine. She smiled and thanked me for the bottles, checked to make sure that they weren't alcohol, and she retrieved her daughter. When Kristen swept through the hall, she had a huge smile on her face. I greeted her, and then the introductions began. I think I shook all of the hands in the house...but then we came around to her father. I think that she purposely introduced me to him last so he could have time to get caught up in an after-dinner conversation with one of his friends. So it wasn't quite as bad as I thought it would be. I did really enjoy myself very much at her house. I talked a lot with her brother, who is one year older than me, and I met her older sister, who is like, 27. They are cool people...but that really didn't surprise me. I figured they would all carry the same basic traits, and they do. They are all very intelligent, hard working, and interesting. I do think that I really like her though...I just don't really know where I want to take her though. I mean, I could do something normal, like go to the movies, or take her to dinner, or both...but I want to do something special with her. I mean, I really like her...but I don't know. I guess I will figure out something.

True...

It seems like I have been waiting for months to be able to go out and chill with some friends...but when I finally did it, it wasn't all that great. Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy myself, but I thought it was going to be better than that. One night, I went to see "Fade to Black" that Jay-Z movie...it was good for what it was...and then we ate some pizza. Not too action packed, but it was good to get out and laugh with my peers. The next time I went out I stopped by a friend's house, talked, went to a basketball game, and went home...again not too much going on, but enjoyable. I guess the thing is, I don't quite know what I was expecting. It's not like every time I went out something mind-blowing occurred, but after being a recluse for five months I began to expect more out of my "chill time." I guess that wasn't fair of me. Oh well...

Is it just me?

Maybe I'm over reacting. Maybe it's a coincidence. Or maybe not...


It seems that ever since I've gotten my license back, I've been seeing these girls at bus stops eyeballing me. Hard. This morning I stopped to get some gas up the street from my house, and on the way back, I noticed this girl standing at the bus stop. Now I knew I had seen her before, I mean, I just stopped taking the bus this week, and I see her every Thursday over at CLC when I'm at work. Usually she doesn't pay me any attention, but now all of a sudden, as soon as I walk in she says with a smile, "I saw you this morning..." I mean, I know she saw me, I stopped at the stop sign she was standing by...I mean, I don't know her name, she doesn't know mine, but she seemed hurt that I didn't give her a ride to the school I work at...I just didn't think it would be too comfortable driving some chick I don't know somewhere in my car. Plus, I did think about giving her a ride, but she didn't wave and I didn't think she would just hop in the car with some dude that she didn't know. I guess she'll get over it.

Not sure...

I've been complaining to myself and to my mother that I have nothing to write about as far as my poetry is concerned...but I'm not sure if I enjoy what I'm writing about. I thought for a while that maybe my writing of current events was giving me nothing to talk about, but that really isn't the case. The only thing that really gives me inspiration to write is when I'm having some sort of internal conflict...and that in turn causes pain, or some other type of discomfort. I don't quite enjoy it, but I do enjoy the release that my writing allows me to experience. It isn't crazy, so don't think that. It's not like I enjoy going through difficult times just so I can write poetry, that isn't the case. It's just that the only way people in general can appreciate what is bestowed upon them is to have either something bad happen to them, or have whatever that is taken away from them. Sort of the same as the whole balance between good and evil. I use to have this big personal conflict with the existence of Satan. I didn't really understand why he was even around...then I started to understand that God already knew that Lucifer was going to fall, and that was part of the reason behind his creation. For no one can really appreciate God unless they have something to compare it to. Sort of like you don't appreciate being rich unless you have been poor/middle class. Or you don't appreciate a good cook until you have dined on the results from a bad cook...but on another note, I REALLY ENJOY HAVING BACK MY LICENSE!!!

127

I have an IQ rating of 127. I think I can do better.

Hospitals Suck...

Guess what??? I was admitted into the emergency room on Saturday...I was worried because I thought I was going to die...I was having these "episodes" where I would feel a "knocking" inside of my chest. I didn't know what it was, and it has been going on for about six weeks...so I was starting to worry to say the least. While I was there, I really felt like I was wasting my time. The nurse was a butthole, and I reported him to the Nursing manager, or whatever you want to call it...I pretty much wasted $100 of my money...all I have to show for it is a wristband and some paperwork...no more information than when I went in, other than the fact that I'm not going to die...so I guess that is one positive out of the bunch...

Hi...Do I know you?

Well it's been forever since I wrote in this thing, so I might as well play catch up. I've been so busy between my production company, selling shoes and throwback jerseys, and designing a website for a couple of different endeavors...I need a break. Plus tomorrow I'm going to traffic court. I really hope it goes well. I need my license back so I can get a better job. Speaking of jobs, why do all the new people want to freakin' steal from Dollar General??? Are they retarded? I mean, the MOST EXPENSIVE THING THERE IS A $50 SWIMMING POOL!!! Plus, the registers have been coming up short, like $20 here, $35 there...I don't know about these people. As long as they don't look my way, I'll be ok. Hopefully after I get my license back, I'll be able to take one of my friends out on a date. She embodies what I look for: she's smart, ambitious, funny, Christian, and she's REALLY cute. I just want to get to know her better...I mean, I'm not even sure if she likes me like that...I don't know. But I can't find out without a license. By the way, girls I met years ago are starting to see me at work, and they speak, but I don't remember their names. For instance, one girl I went to high school with came into the store the other day and spoke to me, but I didn't remember her name. I remember now that her name was Stacey, and she was voted "Best Body" in her graduating class, but I never really spoke to her in school...She was a Senior when I was a sophomore. I wanted to talk to her, but I never did...until she came into the store. I talked to her for about 20 minutes, but I couldn't remember her name to save my life. At least she didn't know...but I still felt bad.