Can't Tell me Nothin'

I'm not really sure what I want to say today...I don't want to complain, but it seems that lately, all I have to talk about is club night and sneakers. Life really does contain much more, especially much more things of substance. It's filled with people, places, and experiences. Emotions, movement, creativity. So why do I not talk about these things? For the most part, I feel like people don't care about those things anymore.

I could use this blog as a debate forum...I mean, people debate on things for hours, but does that matter? No. At the end of the day, that person isn't going to change their mind until it affects their life so drastically that they need to do something in order to sustain sanity. I could tell someone for 12 hours straight that smoking crack isn't the way to go,

but until they feel it's not something to throw into the routine...they won't stop. I could tell my true thoughts and emotions...but who is going to respond? No one. People don't really care about you. Of course I'm speaking in generalities...everyone has someone, and if they don't, they become serial killers.

But yeah, I don't want to tell people that my adulthood scares me...that these decisions I make now are going to mold the rest of my existence...who wants to talk about that? I mean, I think about that everyday...EVERY FREAKING DAY!!! It's tough. Especially when you don't want to stand out much, but everyone else feels like you should. You know what I want? I want to invent something so good, that everyone uses it, but no one knows who made it.

I don't want to be Ron Popeil,

I don't want to be the Oxyclean guy

or this nut either

...I want to be unidentifiable man...the guy who has money, lots of money, and no one really knows why...except for the IRS...

they are the only ones that need to know. So what am I doing to get that? Not much. I sketch, and I think...but that's about it. Most of the things I thought of are good, but not an "I can't live without this!" type of deal. Maybe I want to much...but I dunno.

So what do I REALLY want? A family, and the income to support one comfortably. So that leads directly back to what I talk about...shoes and going out. Because chicks dig shoes, and I have to be out for them to see them. And why do I like women so much? Because they are the only avenue that I have to get a family of my own; at least in the traditional sense. ...so I know what you are thinking: "Why is he at the club? He should find a nice church girl!"

Well, I hate to break it to you, but church girls are full of shit. I mean, don't get me wrong, there are SOME good ones, but usually they know they are, and they are harder to deal with than a fat man at the discount Hostess store with his overtime check.

At least at the club, you know what that chick is about. Either she is there for money, sex, fun, or a relationship. And if you find the latter, as long as you aren't an ass, she is impressed. So, that's it for today...even though I do feel more to say coming up...and when it does, I'll re post!

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

It's been a long time...Since I left you, without a dope beat to step to....

Good morning America, good morning to Erica, who gave me good head while watching Good Morning America...



Enough of that...so the last time I was at the club...I swear I had a great time. It wasn't the birthday party, but just a totally separate bottle poppin' adventure. The club was packed, I was on stage in VIP like normal...dressed to impress but not too excess...and I didn't even get drunk! This I'll tell you though, I danced like my name was Mikhail Baryshnikov.

...but that isn't the funny part; the funny part about my dancing was my dance partner: she had to be 6'3", easy. Like I was dancing with Cheryl Miller .

Yeah, it was that bad...she kept trying to spin on me, and last time I checked, my arms weren't long enough for that...not with a chick tall enough to play point guard for the Celtics. It was fun though...I'm just worried that I'm becoming an alcoholic. I mean, I don't drink everyday, but when I go out to the club, I do enjoy myself...maybe 4 drinks or so...and a few bottles of Champagne...so I dunno... I LOVE LAMBIC!!!

As a BTW:

I had a Friday night fling set up...like a regular, you know? So, that's been cancelled now...I guess that's good, but I find myself getting upset about it. I mean, I know I didn't love her, but I MISS her...not the sex so to speak, (even though I do miss that), I just miss the body in my bed. That's rough...and I know I can't go out and do this again, because the guilt of tie less sex is wearing on me. Every time I TRIED to have a ONS, I threw up...violently. I mean, I didn't even get to enjoy the fruits...I just had the repercussions...it sucked. So I guess I'm gonna be single again...and I doubt if I start up the hunt. It's getting too easy to get what I want, so I just wanna focus on myself for a bit, and see what comes across my path. So we'll see what the future holds...

Flyer than the piece of paper bearing my name...

As promised, here are the pictures of my shoes...the sad part is...some of them are left out!

Yeah, this is pretty sad...i probably have the value of a decent pre-owned vechicle sitting in my room.

Flossin'

I'm flossin; I floss so hard....shout out to The Cool Kids...youtube it, baby!!


Anyway, start my mission, leave my residence...


I'm a kick addict. I think I need to join kicksaholic anonymous; if it exists...More kick pics soon!

...and I wonder..

Man, so the party was OFF THE HOOK!! I know that phrase was so 90's but what can I say, I'm an 80's baby...

Anyway, I wish I remembered to bring in my camera, I really forgot, but it was a bottle poppin' good time... We had a stupid amount of Cristal that night, Moet...and of course Cognac. Now, I would say the name of it, but it wasn't one that I've seen before. The bottle was completely in French, and it had more notes to the flavor. It was a a very interesting night. I may or may not post a couple of pics from the hotel...but I have to discuss that with The Council. You'll get further details later...

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Lots to do and 23 hours to do it in...

Well, I'm taking a break from doing my laundry just to see if there was anything that I wanted to say to the world today...and I don't think that there is. I mean, I have a lot to do today, and my homeboy's party is tonight...that should be interesting...but not much else that I'd want to relinquish at this time. But I will have lots to say Monday when I post what happens! Until then, have a bottle poppin' good time!

Feeling Odd...

You know, I have a bunch of pain medication...like, a decent amount. Almost enough that you could consider me a hollyweird druggy; but it's all legal. I just didn't take a lot of it from my wisdom teeth getting pulled. Anyway, I feel like I've taken three pills from each bottle right now...I'm so out of it. I'm not even sure why. You know that groggy feeling you get when you wake up from a really good night of drinking? Or the pill induced haze? It's like that...and for the pill thing: it's not like I abused it, I only took ONE and I was OUT OF IT...

I can't really explain it. It's not bad, but it isn't good. I don't know. Maybe I'm a little stressed out... maybe I'm thinking too much...I don't know. I'll be OK I guess.

Fake @$$ Kicks...

I know I talked about this already...but why if you know that you bought your shoes in a Wal-Mart parking lot are you going to buy a matching outfit at the beauty supply store down the street? This dude in the lab looks like a Pittsburg Steeler Edition Condom Wrapper...

Embrace your wackness, but don't flaunt it! I mean, come on...I have on 2 am double cheeseburgler attire, and I STILL look better dressed than this cat...he needs to castrate himself...publicly.

Glow In The Dark

Yeah, so I stayed home sick...kiss my kicks.

My face hurts because I had oral surgery on Friday, and I'm still in recovery...which means the mustache cycle is gonna be down for the count this weekend.

In other news:

I HAVE TICKETS TO THE KANYE CONCERT!!! I am SO going to BOOTLEG the CONCERT!!! Maybe not, but I'm gonna give it a shot. I really don't have much to say, I was just uploading all my posts that I've been doing here to crackspace so everyone else that knows me can read about the crap I say during the week. But during the work week I realized who I'm really, REALLY looking forward to seeing in the show...I mean, I love Lupe, Kanye...and I am a SUPER big fan of N.E.R.D...but I really am excited about seeing

RIHANNA...I mean, if she's gonna be wearing get-ups like this...it makes it TOTALLY worth it to have to sit through Umbrella.

You ever wonder what is on some people's minds when they get dressed in the morning? I swear I'm sitting next to this chick; now, she's cute...but she looks like she's gonna be jogging down County street in 4 inch heels in her near future...Like Dave said, don't where a whore's uniform if you aren't a whore...especially when you are an underage whore. Ugh...

Why do people in an office think that their cubicle gives them some false sense of immortality? Do they not know that I really enjoy making you feel like a retarded hamster when you challenge me? (I had a really great picture of a hamster here, but I think the people from PETA removed it.)

I guess they don't....but they should. I mean, sometimes I really want to smack people with their own insecurities...or put them down like Scuba Steve...

Until later....

Be Safe or Be Smitten!!

What More Can I Say?

...Prime Minister back to finish my Business up...

Yeah, so I told you I'd be back like I left somethin'!!!

EARLY!

Ok, now back to the rest of the scheduled program, Le album Rouge...

The Red Album.

So chick number one, Distina, seems so dope, but acts so much like a dope that it doesn't seem worth the trouble...but for prospect number two, it gets even more complicated.

Again, to protect her identity, her name will be changed...lets call her, Flephony. Flephony is like sex in a can...cool to the mouth, refreshing, and very satisfying. She's also filling; has substance, character...would make me naked waffles...did I say NAKED waffles? She is fashionable, trendy, attractive, smart, fun, interesting. So what's the problem? She lives in North Carolina...I don't. I want her to come to Chicago to see what it would be like to be together for a prolonged period, but it keeps being delayed...plus we don't really have a "relationship". She knows I go out, she knows I have sex...as do I know her dealings. Which is good in a way, we are honest with one another, but it's kinda hard to see what can materialize that way. More frustrating than anything, but since it's low-pressure, there is no reason I can't keep this up while I'm dealing with anyone else...

And to anyone else, she was what I'd like to refer to as the Prototype;

and it was before the song even came out...

Let us call this lady, Beloni. Beloni was the first; not THE first, but the first chick I was really, REALLY into. Beloni also did me super bogus when we were younger. Like, "I don't want to deal with this entire genre of chick" bogus. But hey, that was around 10 years ago...things change right? They do; all of the amazing stuff about her is still there: beauty, witt, charm, clever, stylish...and her look is impressive...but I think she figured out all that made her awesome, so now she comes off a little arrogant; high society. That sucks. I mean, she isn't that way toward me, but you can see from the tip of her nose when she is looking down on others. She seems like she would become a bitter chick after 40 when she finds she's still alone...

...then there is everyone else:

No matter the color, age or location...I turn down chicks for the same three reasons, btw these reasons aren't the same as the ones I've found in the chicks described above, but they are the most common...

All women I have made walk the plank want one of three things:

1. Sex.

-Now I'm not saying that I'm superman, and I'm not saying that I superman on that ho, but I do put out an aura of awesomeness that some chicks can resist. I'm not lying, and I can't describe it. I'll just say this, I put it out there, and based on the woman's response, I know if she is full of $hit or if she just wants to bone.

2. Money.

-This one can be a little sneaky. Usually, she will make it beyond the first test, but she comes crashing down by the end of date one. Now, I'm not cheap...but my first date is never impressive, and I do it that way on purpose. I don't have to spend more than $30 to figure out whether you suck as a woman or not...and I don't mean suck in a good way. So depending on the chick, this will turn her off completely, and she will have major attitude for no apparent reason. Or if she is smart, and realizes that I am trying to get to know her, she'll hold off...until she "needs" something. I remember this one chick, let's call her Queen...her name was equally bogus, believe me. It was winter time, she is from Chicago...but she needs a winter coat. I'm like, "I'll take you to the store and help you pick one out." Nah, she wanted me to buy her one; I told her to call her pops...then her phone "stopped" working because she dropped it in the pedicure water. Please!! So I told her, "I guess I won't be hearing from you for a while." Then, miraculously, her phone started working again! I told her she should pick one of these up to help her in her efforts of money making:

I mean, green and gold works for Bishop Don Magic Juan, right?

Last but not least...

3. Overhaulin'

-They want me to fix their entire life...literally. I mean, I'm all for the fixer-upper...but I can't do a full restore. My name isn't Jesus, and I don't have the time or energy to devote to someone for that...and then they may or may not stay with me. I'm straight on that...they need to borrow Queen's prayer cloth.

Until Next Time;

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Can I Live???

I know that I talk about the same thing all the time, but according to "Urban entertainment", all black people have the same problems: money, drugs, and relationships...my problems tend to focus on the first and the last in the list...and I'm going to focus this post on the last...

I don't understand women. Now don't get me wrong, I understand them in the traditional sense...I even understand their struggles...but what they want, and what they SAY they want are really two different things; and that is what I'm having a problem comprehending.

I won't tell anyone's names, but even if I did, they don't read this thing anyway...so I'm gonna have some fun with this.

Girl number one, (in no particular order), let's call her Distina. Distina is a really dope chick. What I mean by dope is, she's attractive enough to be considered "cute"...which is good enough. She's smart, has goals, wants something from life besides a man and some babies. Self-sufficient. A giver. She cooks, she cleans, she has decent style. She reads books...overall, a dope chick. She does stuff and has qualities that aren't too common any more these days...and she told me that she was interested in me...so where's the problem, right? Well, according to her, I dragged out my former relationship too long...which I agree with, but considering her past relationship, she has nothing to stand on giving me that judgement...and then she tells me because of that, she isn't in "that place" anymore. WTF does that mean? Not in that place? I really don't know how to take that. So does that mean that you don't like men anymore? You feel that you don't have time for a real relationship? You don't know if you have time to learn how to have a relationship with me? She can't specify...she just tells me that it isn't personal, and that I'm awesome, but she can't date me...but she doesn't know if she will be ready any time in the near future...WTF does that mean exactly? She doesn't know...but if she doesn't know, who does? But this is the thing; the guy she was with for like, five years??? Awful person, I don't even consider him a man, and she STAYED with him, trying to work it out...I don't even have the energy to devote to the dumb @$$ $hit she stayed through with him, but I don't get a shot? Come on...at least she could tell me she is healing...but she said that wasn't the issue either. So, I have come to the conclusion that I DGAF...please try to put that together, because I don't want this page to get blocked at my job like crackspace is...but every time I decide that I don't care, she tries to push herself back into contention...this will be continued tomorrow!!!

More Kicks than Karate

I know I introduced this idea like a blog or so ago, but I am indeed a sneakerhead. I don't take that title to the full degree, I don't spend my rent money on kicks, but i have been known to overspend on shoes...like I remember one time I went out to pick up one pair that I pre-paid for...that day I left with nine pair. I bought eight pairs that I didn't plan on buying. That's bad, isn't it? But is this bad?


I have tons of shoes, and I have at least two pictures of every shoe I have, and that doesn't include group shots. So overall, I probably have at least 180 pictures of my own personal sneakers. Why would I need these? Inventory for one...for two, comparing my collection with others. The sneakerworld is very competetive. I've been to the DunkXchange twice, both times it's been to Chicago, and I wanted to see what other people were getting and wearing so I could see what I should be buying.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't buy shoes to make others happy, but I do want to impress my peers by my level of exclusiveness and the "OMG where did you find THAT!" factor. That is one of the main driving forces behind a sneakerhead...making other sneakerheads jealous. But the jealousy is always positive; it isn't a hating group. It's more like, "OOhhhh, damn! Aren't those the Internet only versions?" We just look at it, and try to take our game to the next level.

Now this guy on the left, he was on CNBC. He's from Chicago, has a MASSIVE collection...most of his shoes are worth hundreds to thousands of dollars...the shoe that the kid is holding? 2 grand easy. He flies to different cities just to buy shoes. It is a super lifestyle choice for him. He even has a barbershop that is dedicated to kicks.

Should I be taking pictures of my shoes like they are kids? I mean, I really love sneakers, and I love the attention they draw; but dude, I've got tons of pictures devoted to kicks...but I have never taken a picture of my parents! Is that nuts? I love my parents, but I remember what they look like...and I'm not gonna go to my boy and say, "Man, my '63 Dad is way better than your '67 Dad..." I mean, as a culture, how can we compare collections without doing events and taking pictures? I'm not trying to justify it, i'm just wondering if this is weird to anyone...

...just let me know.

Be Safe or be Smitten,

Chris

Sometimes I feel like a...

Whore.

The real reason I started blogging

Well, my life isn't all kicks and giggles...so I want to share what's on my mind about myself.



Sometimes I feel inadequate. I'm not really sure why...not sure if it's because of my job not being fulfilling or not having a decent relationship with a woman of interest...I'm not sure. I know what my purpose is, but I'm not really in the position to help people at the grand scale that I'd like to. I go through this every year...and this year it's coming early. I'm sure I'll get over it...I always do; but that doesn't defer the fact that these emotions suck.

Deseptycon

I'm back again...to ask a question.

Have you ever seen someone with something fake on? Fake Prada shoes, fake Chanel bag, fake hair...well, the last one isn't so bad. The rest on the other hand...I wish I could smite those people. Now although I do have a real Coach bag, it's an attaché' case, I don't mind the fake bags just as long as it is functional and not cheap looking...and please, no more fakes with all over emblems! Anyway, my main gripe is about fake sneakers. The whole point of the collectible sneaker culture is to rock shoes that impress your peers, along with yourself of course. But when the Deseptycons come out with their fake $35 dollar-I-got-these-at-the-gas-station kicks on, it makes a real sneakerhead look bad, and get pissed off.



Here is an example of a Legit Kick:










Here is a picture of some fake-@$$ shoes:











Now the differences may be subtle to some, but to most, this is a blatant rip-off. So to all of you who by your shoes on the side of the highway on Maxwell street with a polish, or if you get them with $10 on 5 at Citgo, you need to dive head first into that pit in Sparta from the movie 300. If you can't find it, the local Spartans will direct you:




So to help you future foogazy shoe purchasers, if you have any questions about the legit factor in something, ask yourself these questions...
Does it look like it came from a store?
Does this person look smart enough to steal this much stuff from a truck/store?
Does this look like it was made by a 3 year old Turkish slave?
Is this price of $12 dollars for some $300 Jordan’s too good to be true?
If your answers are no, no, yes, and yes...pass it up.

If you take the "deal", seek that hole from 300.

Be Safe or be Smitten!!

The World is over...and people are disgusting!

Click the link above to get the original article, otherwise, read below:

Kissing Dad just feels so right By Alley Einstein


Julie is madly in love — with her own father. Last year 32-year-old Julie Symonds* received an email from her mother, who had left her in care since she was six. Trying to make up for the years of neglect, her mum announced she had a surprise — she suspected she knew who Julie's real father was. Julie, who was happily married, was thrilled, but little did she realize that very soon she would be sharing the same bed as the man she should have been calling Dad — and falling in love with him. After passing over some details, Julie contacted the man whom she believed was her dad, via email. He was 52-year-old dad Jeff Thomas*, a war veteran living in LA. "My mum dumped me in care from the age of six and I never had a father-figure. Finding out I might actually have a family was thrilling for both myself and my husband," says Julie. Jeff and Julie were stunned at how alike their writing style was in emails, even down to using the same punctuation style and wording. "It was like finding a twin or soul mate," says Jeff. The pair then exchanged photos, and were shocked at the resemblance. In March, Julie and her husband flew to Los Angeles. Julie admits to feeling instantly attracted to her father. "I saw my dad, but I also saw a sexy, attractive man. Imagine my feelings of horror and excitement, especially as my husband was with me," says Julie. Jeff, too, admits to having feelings for Julie immediately. "I recognized my role as Julie's dad, but I already found myself falling in love with her," says Jeff. "I actually thought 'Well, maybe that's the process" because we kind of fall in love with our kids when they're born. I thought that maybe I was just going through this same thing, only she's an adult, and it's perfectly normal, and I kept telling myself that." Julie and her husband stayed in a hotel and met all of Jeff's extended family. A DNA test proved that Jeff and Julie were father and daughter, but with every passing day their mutual attraction — known as Genetic Sexual Attraction — was growing. Research has shown that 50 per cent of brothers and sisters or children and parents separated at birth, who find each other as adults, experience some form of sexual attraction. While Julie's husband flew home for work, Julie moved in with her dad and his then wife to get to know the family she never knew existed. A few days into the stay there was a chance for Julie and Jeff to be alone. Sitting on the couch, Julie finally came clean about her feelings. "I admitted how I was feeling, and Jeff said he loved me too. We just sat, holding hands," says Julie, who began seeing a therapist after her first meeting with Jeff. The pair kissed, and both claim the kiss and passion felt scarily right. The relationship progressed. Jeff's marriage fell apart, and under the guise of bonding with her new family, Julie stayed with Jeff, sharing a two-bedroom flat with the man she still calls Dad. Today Julie is still living with Jeff. Her husband believes she is spending time getting to know her father and doesn't know that the pair are sharing a bed. "We have done everything but had actual sexual intercourse. It's like we're an old married couple — we're in love and know that actually having intercourse cannot be far away," confesses Jeff. The father and daughter also take trips away where they can act as boyfriend and girlfriend and relish every moment away from prying eyes. "We love each other as a father and daughter, but the problem is that we love each other more as lovers. If we weren't related she'd get divorced and I'd be getting married to her," says Jeff. Despite the criminal and ethical implications, Julie and Jeff are determined to keep seeing each other. "My father has recently retired, and he's going to move near me and my husband, where we will continue our relationship," says Julie. "My husband and I have always tried to be honest with each other and we've even promised each other that if we fell in love with another person, that we would admit it. But I'm afraid that it would be too much of a judgmental issue for him. I'm afraid that I'll become a social outcast in all of the places that I go." And yes, if someone discovers their identity and secret, they have answers prepared. "I guess the way that I see it is what goes on behind closed doors is no one else's business but my own — after all it is not as though I raised Julie," says Jeff. "I don't know. If someone were to confront me on the street I am a little bit hard-headed and stubborn so I would probably come back at them with a smart-arsed remark using what intellect I have," says Julie.



What is wrong with people nowadays? Who would really want to sleep with one of their parents? That is disgusting!!! If that isn't an Oedipus complex, I'm not sure what is...

...if you don't know who Oedipus is, check the link below:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oedipus_the_King

As always, Be Safe!!

Neverending Snowery

Corny Title...unless you watched the movies, which makes it worse.

Well, it's snowing; and because this is Chicagoland, that is no surprise. My problem is, why am I the only one not shocked? Hasn't it snowed every year since the big McCormick strike of 1886? Thought so. But, if you watch the news, you'd think it was a true to fiction "Day after Tomorrow". Over exaggeration...ughhhh. Also, you'd think that people have figured out how to drive on the snow. My dad told me, "Go to a big, empty parking lot, force your car into a spin so you can be comfortable with how it handles." Has no one else tried this? Come on...I don't get it.

As for the rest of my life, I'm still sick. Physically. I've had the worst cold/flu I've ever had. It won't go away...hopefully it will, it's affecting my charisma...stuffed sinuses aren't sexy.

Too Long, too much to say...

Well, to say the least, lots of happenings since my last post. Let's try to have a recap:

-I've lost a bunch of friends to stupidity. I like to think of this as boiling down my friends to a nice concentrated form.

-I've got a different apartment. Again, smaller can be better, right? Less space, but less rent too!

-No girlfriend, of course. I have tried it all, young, old, white, black, Asian, Spanish, Indian...and those were just the restaurants! No, really, I've tried many types, none worked so far, but they all had very, VERY different problems. I've even tried to see what happened in each case; all different scenarios...

-Steady Job, for once. I only have one job, it isn't bad, decent hours, lots of overtime offered. Good benefits...even a 401k...

-I have an obscene sneaker collection now...over 70 pair, and it's only been a year of buying...still don't have all the ones I wanted to catch up on yet. And there is a whole culture and world with it, so I don't feel too bad...

-I'm big into painting now...been doing t-shirts, hoodies, and polos...only for me though. None for sale. I'm just greedy like that. I mean, I would sell one to someone, but what price do I put on a 1 of 1 by yours truly? Besides, everyone wants one, no one wants to pay.

-I'm supposed to write a book this year. I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to get that done though. It seems so hard. I mean, I have a lot to say, but I don't really know how good it'd be, or how much help it could really offer someone else. I'm good with gems of knowledge, but for a whole chain of wisdom, I'm not sure about that.

-I just got over Typhoid fever...ok, not really, but I was mad sick...on my birthday. That sucked major testicles...like Brontosaurus testicles...huge. And I STILL didn't do anything hot for my B-Day...but I really couldn't...I sounded like I had posies in my pocket...and I wasn't casket clean yet...


...well, that's it for now, back to my 12 hour grind.

Be Safe All,

Chris

P.S. This is for you Jirzygurl!

Oh yeah,

I did get another car finally. It's a '96 Crown Vic...the ultimate car of the ghetto. Well, it is at least tied with the Caprice...only because it gets better gas mileage.
I might get it painted sherbet orange...or grey. I want to make it look like an official undercover cop car; strobe lights and all. Or maybe I'll just quit this damn job and sell cocaine...I'm not quite sure which one I want to do yet.

New Job...

Man, this is mad boring...I'm listening to these people talk, and most of their comments are useless and mind numbing. I think I want to pee on the board up front...this is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
wack.


I need to post more often since I have nothing else better to do...but the pay here is excellent. I'll be happy when we actually get to our individual teams and start working...that'll be super.

Where do I begin...

It has been an eternity since my last post. I have been out on my own for about eight or nine months, and it hasn't been easy. I have a steady girlfriend that I truly love, but she lives out of state. I just lost my job, and I wrecked my car about three weeks before that. It has been a real ordeal. I'm still here though...at least I have my health. It's hard not getting down on yourself when things hit you like this...but I'm trying. I know that the LORD is here with me, and that I will make it through. I just wish sometimes that it was easier...

Man, this is reckless...

I have finally moved out of my parents' house...it feels so grandtorious!!! I'm sayin' like, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. It's cool...I really like it. The rent is affordable, my stuff is going look really nice in my place when I get all of it...and I am involved with someone...It is coming along quite nicely...I'm really happy right now. The funny thing is that her name is Christin...I know, right?

Look how time changes things...

Huh...

Yeah, I know I have been neglecting my blog, but life has been a bit busy...I have been catching up on rest and cutting bogus, lying, manipulative, retarded, stuck on themselves, just plain pointless females out of my life...(Hint: Rosland and Kristen, I'm talking about y'all, with your retarded expectations and pure wastes of my life...) That is not bitterness...it's just frustration. I mean, I know they really think that they made the decision...but they actually just saved me the trouble of telling them to forget who I am...ugh...I will write about it later, along with everything else that is going on now...

Reckless

Most of my mind wanders to what could have been...the rest of it wonders what will be. I'm not sure which outlook is better. I know that I am suppose to make the best of what I have, but it still erks me that I let what I had slip away. I am not talking about a girl...but I am talking about opportunities. I mean, I do have another plan developed, but it isn't as promising looking as the original plan was. I guess that is only because I have no idea how it's going to pan out. I know I am going to be a success at whatever it is that I am suppose to do with my life, but still. The suspense mounts daily...life really is a test after all, it just gives you a bunch of chances to make it up...unless you give up.

Life is an Anonymity...

Much has passed in front of my eyes these few weeks...


I feel the recurring Mike Jones theme song playing in my head, "Back then, didn't want me...now I'm hot, all on me..."

I don't get it. How many times do I say that? I'm still a milk man, I'm still in the process of preparing myself to move out, but in the same breath it isn't as stressful to do so anymore. I'm not really worried about it anymore. Me and Dad are mending our relationship...that's pretty cool...I messed up the driver's side fender...but I may just take it off and replace it myself; sans duct tape. My job is getting better...i guess...Tampico is the negro...


I'm still losing weight...I have lost about 35 to 40 pounds...I almost feel sexy...


Life is pretty mellow...my affinity for Kristen has faded away...but it seems like it's trying to apply itself to Rosland...even though I don't want it too...

Plus, there is another girl who actually likes me now...I might start to date her and see what's up with that.

Not much else has been going on...pretty lame, huh?

Amazing...

I know this isn't very much of a time difference between my last post and today's post, but I feel a whole lot better.

For starters...I have decided if a chick can't appreciate the wonderful cat that I am, too bad for her...she missed out. I'm not ugly, and I have a personality...I do drive a Honda, but I don't sell drugs...I have a job, with benefits, and I am actually intelligent...


...and I'm not trying to bone!!!


So, I think that is a pretty good start...

Plus I groom fairly well for the weekends, and my style is cool, but not overbearing...and I always smell good...that's always a plus. Chicks are just finicky during the summer...guys are too, so don't sweat it.


I have a lot to offer, and I'm getting in shape...my arms are looking nice!

So, in closing; I'm cool...not just in the trite slang sense of the word's meaning, but I feel fine...I think I just needed to get that crap out of my system...plus I hadn't slept much last week...that probably contributed to my condition.

So, I will be kickin' it, with either overpriced coffee in my hand or some tea/lemonade mixed enjoying my summer...

I even have a fresh pair of white on whites...with a reserve with the gum bottom...

Yeah, I'll be cool...

To be honest...

I guess that is pretty much how I am, and lately, that is how I have felt. I feel drained all the time, and to compensate, I go and hang out with my friends to make me feel better...I feel lonely even still...I don't know. It's the oddest reality of sorts. I'm tired of dealing with problems. I need a streak of successes or something...a reward...I don't know...at least some free gas for my car...

aghhhhhhhaggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhaghghghlsddljafeiowhnvdo;wierujoenw vl!!!!!!!!


I have absolutely NO IDEA what that would sound like, but I do think the Neptunes could sample it and get paid off of my angst...but I'm not even a teen...

whatever.

I'll get over it.

...the question is how?

Infamous Color Quiz Pt. II

I took this a while ago, and it gave me some startling accurate results...this is what it said initially:

Your Existing Situation

Insecure. Seeks roots, stability, emotional security, and an environment providing greater ease and fewer problems.

Your Stress Sources

Delights in the tasteful, the gracious, and the sensitive, but maintains his attitude of critical appraisal and refuses to be swept off his feet unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore keeps a strict and watchful control on his emotional relationships as he must know exactly where he stands. Demands complete sincerity as a protection against his own tendency to be too trusting.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Circumstances are such that he feels forced to compromise for the time being if he is to avoid being cut off from affection or from full participation. The situation is preventing him from establishing himself, but he feels he must make the best of things as they are.

Your Desired Objective

Seeks affectionate, satisfying and harmonious relationships. Desires an intimate union, in which there is a love, self-sacrifice and mutual trust.

Your Actual Problem

Needs to protect himself against his tendency to be too trusting, as he finds it is liable to be misunderstood or exploited by others. Is therefore seeking a relationship providing peaceful and understanding intimacy, and in which each knows exactly where the other stands.


...this is what I got today:

Your Existing Situation

Willing and adaptable. Only at peace when closely attached to a person, group, or organization on a which reliance can be placed.

Your Stress Sources

The tenacity and strength of will necessary to contend with existing difficulties has become weakened. Feels overtaxed, worn out, and getting nowhere, but continues to stand his ground. He feels this adverse situation as an actual tangible pressure which is intolerable to him and from which he wants to escape, but he feels unable to make the necessary decision.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Very exacting in the standards he applies to his choice of a partner and seeking a rather unrealistic perfection in his sex life.
Conditions are such that he will not let himself become intimately involved without making mental reservations.

Your Desired Objective

Wants to swipe aside the things that stand in his way, to follow his impulses, and be involved in special or exciting happenings. In this way he hopes to deaden the intensity of his conflicts, but his impulsive behavior leads him to take risks.

Your Actual Problem

The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond his capabilities, or his reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. He attempts to remedy this by intense activity and by insistence on getting his own way. Faulty self-control can lead to ungovernable displays of anger.


Anyone who knows me that reads this blog, is this really me???

The Heart of the Sun

To understand principle is to fully grasp not only what has been declared as so, but to understand the vantage point that it was delivered from. This has eluded me for many moons...but not to dwell on the past, lets move forward...

Principle has always been a cornerstone of my own understanding and revelation knowledge, but I don't quite get why indifference is translated into insubordinance in certain arenas. To decide what one's fate is before they are cast from the womb is not only unfair, but it is unjust. Yet, some actions have been the precursor for some predictaments that I have faced...I could just cast it away as something I can't understand, but that is an excuse...as everything else seems to be. I don't quite understand the difference between excuses and explanations...

Where did it all start? Alas, much has been said of the situation, but not of the outcome...much is said of the outcome, but not the conditioning...You learn how to pacify, and that is included into a list of cop-outs....

You ask why my face displays the reactions it paints...and I ask why does the painter paint but for inspiration? Yes, can you see it now? I don't think you can. Even if I extract verbatim what something is, analogous conceptions are hung out to dry.

...then what is the issue?

Lose vs. Lose...either way, you give the same opinion, then why ask? You can save the comments on my incompetive behavior, for one learns from either example or condition, what else is there?

Do you have an Answer?

Brick Wall

I'm not going to bother explaining what this has to do with...but if that person is reading this, then I guess they'll know what this means...'cause I sure don't:


All I keep seeing is a brick wall. It is ridiculously high, I have no idea how to get over it. I mean, I've gone around it, but it is still there...a nuisance. It's really getting on my last nerve. I don't get it, and more than likely, I never will. I've helped many people climb walls like this, but I can't seem to find anyone that can really help me. I've talked to the wall...but my words just bounce off...stone can't understand words or reasoning. I don't get it. I understand molecular biology, but not this. They should have classes on wall climbing. I'd take four. I can't even understand why I can't just accept that this is a wall that I cannot climb...I want to though. Not for the sense of accomplishment, and not for a trophy...but because this is the only wall that has ever made me feel like I can quit. This is the only wall that seems like it matters. In my mind...all I see is this cinnamon colored wall...has to be like 5 million yards high...but its foundation is so stable that it won't fall over...I guess I'll just settle for a life of nothing for another 11 months...oh man, I want to cry.

As We Proceed...

...to give you what you need!!!


Man, I haven't heard that in a while...

Well, me and Rozzdizzle are pals now, which is a refreshing change...I mean, I know I have one other female friend...



...but she's different. I don't quite know what to say about her; even still.


Work is becoming annoying. Six day work weeks are no joke, and it seems like as soon as I recover halfway, here comes work, staring me in the face...ugghhhhh
I need more money.

I think I need to anoint my wallet with oil or something.



Moving out is becoming the growing trend in my life. All my plans start with, "I'm moving out, so..." It's like, before I spend money, I'm thinking that the $4.75 I'm about to spend could buy a box or something to move out with...it's becoming almost retarded in my mind, but I do need to save more...i might stop going out for a couple weeks, just to save more money.



I wish I had more to write...but I really didn't do much this weekend...

Blah, blah, blah, bye.