Hitch...

Yeah, I just watched Hitch...at the movie theater...

It was really good. The only thing that bothered me is I drew way too many parallels to myself...It was unnerving. I mean, if you have seen the movie, the way he talks to his clients is the way I think...and then I started to wonder if I really believe the stuff I say to myself. I mean, I know I have a couple scars here and there, but am I trying to mend them with female affection? I'm not sure. True enough, I did go see this movie with Schantelle...but that was it, we just watched a movie...all it is is a movie...right? I guess.

Well...I hope my mind clears up by tonight...

Best. Milk Man. Ever.

...not saying that I am, but I did hear about an interesting fellow that use to work at the dairy...


There was this guy, and he was all juiced up on steroids, and he would always proclaim the "fact" that he was the "Best Milk Man Ever!" I thought it was a joke...but it wasn't. Any time he had some sort of difficulty with some of his co-workers, he would always go back to his favorite saying, "You're just jealous because I'm the best milk man ever!!!" Quite a unique individual. Eventually the guys wanted him to quit, because he was really annoying and a very large pain, so they would pour a mini bottle of Drakkar into his seat every night until he refused to drive his truck anymore, then due to insubordination, he was fired...

...so remember:

If you are the "Best Milk Man Ever" make sure you like Drakkar...

I'm not sure...

I've been feeling a little odd lately...


I guess I'm okay, but I'm not feeling it. I mean, I got a nice card from Lanese, Schantelle left me a nice message on V'day, and I went to lunch with Kristen yesterday...The last had no romantic intention, but it was nice just the same. I am making twice as much as I did at DG...I'm making moves so I can move out...and my car is doing fine...I am even getting benefits next month...

So what's wrong???

I'm not sure...


What more do I want? I'm getting good, clean attention...I talk to someone who stimulates my mind...so what is the problem???

My poetry is even flowing...

I'm not sure what else I need.

Hopefully I'll be fine...

Mind Flow...

Well, work is work, so with that I am satisfied for now. As far as anything else, I'm not too sure. I mean, I am happy...well, content with what I'm doing right now; but I still don't feel right. I am making a feeble attempt at dating, and it is going fine...but I think due to circumstances played out by both parties, we got too into each other way too fast. Gotta cool your jets...don't want to burn out or run out of gas...but yeah...

My bank account is getting healthy again, losing that anorexic look...


I just posted like, seven or so poems on my poetry page yesterday. It was fulfilling. More so than what I thought it would be. I need to release that side of me more often...at church on my B-Day I freestyled a poem...it wasn't all that great to me, but to the audience, well, some cried. They were moved. I mean, right after I did that, they did alter call because the spirit was so high...kinda showed me that what I think is good doesn't always matter.

...On the other hand, me and my guy John have been making some HEAT in the lab. I mean, I'm a harsh critic, and these tracks we made are hot for real for real...I'm not saying that we are the new Neptunes...but hey...

I spoke with a friend that I haven't talked to in a long time, and they told me some things about myself that I never thought they noticed. I mean, a lot of stuff, in detail...all good stuff, but I just didn't think they cared enough to notice. It was kind of refreshing.

Other than that, nothing is really going on...

I'm your Pusha...

Well, the milk job is runnin' fine, I just need to schedule in some nap time!!! I'll post more tomorrow, I'm at John's house making some tracks in the lab, but I'll comment more on my life tomorrow...Did I tell y'all that I get free orange juice and eggs and stuff from work? What an odd perk, right?

Hide and Seek

...this movie is tripped out. For anyone that has seen it, I don't think the ending is as predictable as some people say...but it was good. More of a suspense thriller...I thought i would have some kind of deep connection to it, and break down stuff in it, but if i did, it would ruin the movie...so if you want to know what i think about something, just ask me a question about it if you have seen it...but I would recommend it if you like intellectual movies...

Isn't it Ironic?

Well, I'm "sad" to say that I have pretty much called it quits at the good old DG...(Dollar General). The thing is though, I would have never got the job with Muller-Pinehurst if it wasn't for me talking to the guy who delivered the milk to the store. You have to admit that the situation of me finding a new job at my current job is rather humorous. Anyway, not much else is on the horizon...I turn 22 on Friday...nothing planned. More than likely I'll just go hang out with some friends after work. I watched White Noise last week, and that was horrible. "Worst. Movie. Ever." I mean, cinematically speaking, it was ok, but other than that, it was horribly bad...

I already got my first birthday card...it was from Lanese...I was kinda tickled when I saw it...it made me blush...which isn't hard to do, I am kinda high-yellow.

Things really feel like they are coming together...now only if I can get this whole "healing" thing down, I'd be all set...

Pushing Milk like Crates...

Yeah, well, I know I already have two jobs, but is that really enough??? I guess not, because now I am going to be a milk man...


Yes, a milk man. I know what you're thinking...no, I will not have on a white outfit going door-to-door...I will be delivering milk to different stores...not too bad...good pay...

We'll see how this pans out...

The Aviator

Well, I saw The Aviator...it was a good movie. Left me in a bit of a disarray. Well, he had some sort of disorder, I forget which one it is, and he just gets so compulsive that he goes completely insane. I felt bad for him...I mean, his mother set up this type of behavior about "being clean" when he was a child because of all of the diseases that when rapid in his childhood...but they simply overpowered him. It appeared as if he sold his soul at an early age, and he was being tormented by the demons around him because of it. Startling to say the least...but it was well shot. They borrowed the "Hell's Angels" review scene from A Clockwork Orange, but other than that, it was a good picture. The roles were played very well...you felt like you were actually watching Hughes go through his life, ups and downs, instead of just watching a docudrama...nevertheless, it was a good movie.

...after the show its the after-party...

yah yah whatever...I know it's another Jay-Z influenced title...but I'll be ok.


there really isn't much on the horizon right now. I just found a decent site to download movies from again...that was nice. Other than that, I'm not to interesting...

well, here is something:

what is it with underage girls tryin to talk to me? I mean, I know I'm not that old, (22), but I have gone the extra effort and gone without my mach 3 for about ten days...I even showed some chest hair yesterday...And this little 17 year-old still gave me her number...I threw it away, but hey, I looked old! I guess it is a pleasant change from old ladies tryin' to talk to me...

I don't know what it is, I think I have too much on my mind sometimes throughout my day. It's weird. like I live in "The Wonder Years ptII" or something. I think I put so much pressure on myself that I syke myself out and lose hope, or even faith in what I'm doing. I slowly punk myself and lose what it is that I'm suppose to keep up with for others. I mean, I'm not saying that I'm not responsible...but I just lose focus sometimes. I mean, you can only focus in on one thing...everything else is along the path to what you are focused on...

on another note:

Someone recently told me that hickeys can lead to cancer...is that true?

What more can I say?

Well...things aren't going to bad as of late. I'm a little fatigued at the moment, but I'll live. I haven't really been up to much lately...just working and church like normal. The only thing that has changed is that I talk to a friend of mine every night: Lanese. I like her. I mean, I went on one date with her, it was fun, but I really haven't made a fair assessment as to what are relationship is going to involve, but I feel like I'm already involved. Weird, huh? As for Camo Soul, we had an art show last week on Thursday. It went well. I wasn't there, but it went well. I feel like I will be pursuing my "inventions" with more fervor soon...I'm going to start building my credit back up, and hopefully go into real estate investment. We'll see. The fast is cool...no meat no juice is kinda rough, but again, I'll be ok. I've been finding some unstartling things out about myself that I didn't know was still there. I'm still sad about how I treated my ex and how that relationship dissolved...I'm still sad about how I treated girls in high school...I didn't know that I haven't allowed myself to heal from that, and I have been just displacing it. I wasn't aware. Now that I know, I don't quite know what it is that I'm going to do. I know that I don't need to rush things with anyone right now. I know that I need to be able to sustain on my own. I need a real job...

...but I'll be ok. I haven't had too much creativity flowing through me lately. I don't know what's up with that. I don't quite know what I feel right now...maybe a little bit panicked...but that's about it. I don't think that I need to right a poem about that.

yeah, I'm still fasting, and i put together a desk...

I am at a friend's house of mine, and now I feel SO accomplished because I just put together a computer desk for them...it took like 45 minutes, but it was cool...

The fast is a trip...I don't think that I will eat another chicken salad for the rest of my life...

Other than that I'm cool...I'm still working at both jobs, and well, I'm getting tired of it...but I'm thinking about selling cars to people who want those "hot Japanese Imports..."

Wow...this was an eventful break...

Well, Christmas and New Year's was fine. One of my boys came up from Harvey to see me on New Year's Eve...we had fun. I hadn't really spent time with him like that since we were kids...

That was the easy part.

I wrote about this girl on my site a while back, her name is will be, "the one we do not speak of"...She called me one night and told me she was back in town. The next day we went to the mall, to the beach...we spent the whole day together...just talking. It was great. She went to church with me, she even liked it, and she took notes! Everything was looking good; until I prayed about her and God told me I shouldn't date her, she need me to be her friend. That hurt, but I had to do what I had to do...so as quick as it started, it was over. Then I talked to Kristen, and I figured that I better just leave her alone as a friend also. She's way too busy, and she doesn't seem like she is to into me...then there is someone else I met, Lanese...

Man, she is mad cool...I talked to her on the phone longer than I have EVER talked to anyone. She just put out this real, and comfortable vibe...it was nice. I'm still going to pray about her, but right now. I am feeling her. I don't know. I still need to get my affairs in order, but I do want to date her. That isn't bad, is it?

Other than that, I'm cool. I'm on a fast right now, and it's going pretty good...haven't eaten anything bad yet, but I'm growing tired of the same stuff all of the time.

I'll fill you in...

Well, it has been a very eventful break to say the least. I got a lot of great gifts for Christmas, I kinda dated someone for a while, then broke it off, and lost 15 pounds...but I really don't have time to elaborate, but I will tell you about it Wednesday...

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind pt.2

...wow....


This movie was a trip. The guy, Josh, ends up fighting in his memory to keep his thoughts from being deleted about his girl, Clementine. He changed his mind about getting her deleted, but it was too late. He saved just enough in his mind to know where to meet her again the next day and start over. It was really touching. I think I would actually like to buy this movie, and watch it again just to better analyze it...

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

Have you heard of this movie? It's an interesting concept...to have someone completely erased from your memory. Is there someone that I would want totally erased from my memory, I could say yes, but then, I wouldn't have any type of learning experience from the situation...they say that ignorance is bliss, but is it truly bliss if you relive the exact situation because you haven't already gone through it? It would take a large amount of pain to take someone to that level. What if they erased too much? What if I wanted the memory back? It's not something that I want to even think about too hard...just like with Vanilla Sky, would you rather live in a dream world that you know is a dream world, or would you want to wake up and see what is really going on in the real world...I'm not sure...back to my original question path...what if you found out that someone got you erased from their memory? Would you want them erased out of your mind too? I don't know...it's kinda weird. I think it would bother me terribly if someone erased me out of their memory...

...huh.

I know that I don't like Wesley Snipes all that much...I mean, the whole thing with Halle and him kinda burned me up, but he can make killing vampires look really entertaining...I just started watching Blade Trinity...so far it's a good movie...

Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired...

I've been sick for almost a full six days now. This is really bugging me. Usually I might be sick for about three days, maybe four...but not six. I have too much to do, too much to pay to be sick right now. I'm still going to work at both of my jobs, but having to cough or blow my nose is agitating...my eyes get hot...sometimes I think I may be able to set things on fire by glaring it over...whatever, I'll be ok.

...yeah, right.

So, I know that I have been complaining lately about the whole, "I'm driving again, so now I'm cute..." but it is still bothering me. Yesterday I had a conversation with two different women about how much they like me. This is almost an overwhelmingly obvious attack at me, trying to throw me off course...but I don't know. I KNOW I would be complaining if no one noticed me, but still...I don't know. My orientation starts tomorrow at 7:00am, and I'm kind of excited. Hopefully it will be a good job, and it will allow me to do what I have to do with my money...other than that, I'm fine. Christmas is coming up, and everyone in my family is SO EXPENSIVE to shop for...I'm a little worried about that. Plus finding time to shop...oh wow, am I looking forward to that.

Life.

There is something new that I have realized about life. I already recognized that God will always give you a way out of a situation, but he will also bring someone in to your life that you can assist with advice that not only helps the person, but it also helps you out. I've met a young lady on the internet that is phenomenal, but she is running into these "characters" that toy around with her life leading her into confusing mind-games that lead to no positive ending. I mean, men are always complaining about how "There are no good girls left out there..." but yet in still, they are always making a mess out of the women that they run across. Don't they realize that it took someone to meet and confuse the good girls so they end up in a jumbled mess??? For some reason I always run into these young women who have been through the most horrible things, and they always seem to tell me about them in full detail. I feel so bad for these females, and I really try to help them out, but there is never going to be a way for me to fix them back up...that is something that they have to do for themselves with God...but anyway, I use to feel so bad for them, and then I use to ask, "Where are all of the good girls at?" I had to realize that they are out there, and until I have been repaired from the damage that I put myself through, I won't be able to do anything but bring the other person down that I am interested in. That is the way people work, whether they like it or not. So I guess I'm just saying this to all the "good girls": Be Careful. There are a lot of guys out there that project this great image of themselves as a really wholesome, caring, and endearing individual...but they are really a low down dog...and I know this, I mean, I did it...although it wasn't intentional. Just stay prayed up, or however you say that, and stay strong...your man will come through when you are both ready for a healthy relationship.