Thanksgiving Day

Well, I know it's kinda late to be writing about Thanksgiving Day, but it took me a while to debate whether or not to talk about it...
Thanksgiving Day was cool, kinda chill though. I ate dinner with my parents, and my grandma came over and brought some greens and her sweet potato pies...Everything was good, but right after dinner was over, I ran downstairs and changed clothes so I can go over to Kristen's house for Thanksgiving "Dessert"... Yeah, I just said dessert, but before I get into that, let me explain who Kristen is.
Kristen is a friend that I met in January of last year. It was kind of an accidental meeting through a mutual acquaintance, but I met her none the less...any way, I have been in contact with her since. Nothing too major. I just would talk to her while at school and I would talk to her on the telephone. I mean, I would've taken her out, but I was on the bus...my license was suspended at that time...but yeah, I told her that I was interested in her, but I wanted to take the time to get to know her better...
So, I got dressed, grabbed the two bottles of non-alcoholic chardonnay that I bought the night before and raced out the door. It took me about twenty minutes to find her house, but it should have only took ten. I finally found a parking spot, and walked up to her door. Her house looked like something that belonged in an episode of "Leave it to Beaver", but it wasn't corny...I looked to my left as I walked in and saw a full-blown dining room table spread. The turkey was even in the center of the table...I didn't think that people really do the whole table spread like that, but it did look nice. Her mom was busy cleaning off the table; she fit the house, a black June Cleaver...she had the apron on and the whole nine. She smiled and thanked me for the bottles, checked to make sure that they weren't alcohol, and she retrieved her daughter. When Kristen swept through the hall, she had a huge smile on her face. I greeted her, and then the introductions began. I think I shook all of the hands in the house...but then we came around to her father. I think that she purposely introduced me to him last so he could have time to get caught up in an after-dinner conversation with one of his friends. So it wasn't quite as bad as I thought it would be. I did really enjoy myself very much at her house. I talked a lot with her brother, who is one year older than me, and I met her older sister, who is like, 27. They are cool people...but that really didn't surprise me. I figured they would all carry the same basic traits, and they do. They are all very intelligent, hard working, and interesting. I do think that I really like her though...I just don't really know where I want to take her though. I mean, I could do something normal, like go to the movies, or take her to dinner, or both...but I want to do something special with her. I mean, I really like her...but I don't know. I guess I will figure out something.

True...

It seems like I have been waiting for months to be able to go out and chill with some friends...but when I finally did it, it wasn't all that great. Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy myself, but I thought it was going to be better than that. One night, I went to see "Fade to Black" that Jay-Z movie...it was good for what it was...and then we ate some pizza. Not too action packed, but it was good to get out and laugh with my peers. The next time I went out I stopped by a friend's house, talked, went to a basketball game, and went home...again not too much going on, but enjoyable. I guess the thing is, I don't quite know what I was expecting. It's not like every time I went out something mind-blowing occurred, but after being a recluse for five months I began to expect more out of my "chill time." I guess that wasn't fair of me. Oh well...

Is it just me?

Maybe I'm over reacting. Maybe it's a coincidence. Or maybe not...


It seems that ever since I've gotten my license back, I've been seeing these girls at bus stops eyeballing me. Hard. This morning I stopped to get some gas up the street from my house, and on the way back, I noticed this girl standing at the bus stop. Now I knew I had seen her before, I mean, I just stopped taking the bus this week, and I see her every Thursday over at CLC when I'm at work. Usually she doesn't pay me any attention, but now all of a sudden, as soon as I walk in she says with a smile, "I saw you this morning..." I mean, I know she saw me, I stopped at the stop sign she was standing by...I mean, I don't know her name, she doesn't know mine, but she seemed hurt that I didn't give her a ride to the school I work at...I just didn't think it would be too comfortable driving some chick I don't know somewhere in my car. Plus, I did think about giving her a ride, but she didn't wave and I didn't think she would just hop in the car with some dude that she didn't know. I guess she'll get over it.

Not sure...

I've been complaining to myself and to my mother that I have nothing to write about as far as my poetry is concerned...but I'm not sure if I enjoy what I'm writing about. I thought for a while that maybe my writing of current events was giving me nothing to talk about, but that really isn't the case. The only thing that really gives me inspiration to write is when I'm having some sort of internal conflict...and that in turn causes pain, or some other type of discomfort. I don't quite enjoy it, but I do enjoy the release that my writing allows me to experience. It isn't crazy, so don't think that. It's not like I enjoy going through difficult times just so I can write poetry, that isn't the case. It's just that the only way people in general can appreciate what is bestowed upon them is to have either something bad happen to them, or have whatever that is taken away from them. Sort of the same as the whole balance between good and evil. I use to have this big personal conflict with the existence of Satan. I didn't really understand why he was even around...then I started to understand that God already knew that Lucifer was going to fall, and that was part of the reason behind his creation. For no one can really appreciate God unless they have something to compare it to. Sort of like you don't appreciate being rich unless you have been poor/middle class. Or you don't appreciate a good cook until you have dined on the results from a bad cook...but on another note, I REALLY ENJOY HAVING BACK MY LICENSE!!!

127

I have an IQ rating of 127. I think I can do better.

Hospitals Suck...

Guess what??? I was admitted into the emergency room on Saturday...I was worried because I thought I was going to die...I was having these "episodes" where I would feel a "knocking" inside of my chest. I didn't know what it was, and it has been going on for about six weeks...so I was starting to worry to say the least. While I was there, I really felt like I was wasting my time. The nurse was a butthole, and I reported him to the Nursing manager, or whatever you want to call it...I pretty much wasted $100 of my money...all I have to show for it is a wristband and some paperwork...no more information than when I went in, other than the fact that I'm not going to die...so I guess that is one positive out of the bunch...

Hi...Do I know you?

Well it's been forever since I wrote in this thing, so I might as well play catch up. I've been so busy between my production company, selling shoes and throwback jerseys, and designing a website for a couple of different endeavors...I need a break. Plus tomorrow I'm going to traffic court. I really hope it goes well. I need my license back so I can get a better job. Speaking of jobs, why do all the new people want to freakin' steal from Dollar General??? Are they retarded? I mean, the MOST EXPENSIVE THING THERE IS A $50 SWIMMING POOL!!! Plus, the registers have been coming up short, like $20 here, $35 there...I don't know about these people. As long as they don't look my way, I'll be ok. Hopefully after I get my license back, I'll be able to take one of my friends out on a date. She embodies what I look for: she's smart, ambitious, funny, Christian, and she's REALLY cute. I just want to get to know her better...I mean, I'm not even sure if she likes me like that...I don't know. But I can't find out without a license. By the way, girls I met years ago are starting to see me at work, and they speak, but I don't remember their names. For instance, one girl I went to high school with came into the store the other day and spoke to me, but I didn't remember her name. I remember now that her name was Stacey, and she was voted "Best Body" in her graduating class, but I never really spoke to her in school...She was a Senior when I was a sophomore. I wanted to talk to her, but I never did...until she came into the store. I talked to her for about 20 minutes, but I couldn't remember her name to save my life. At least she didn't know...but I still felt bad.

Still???

I REALLY don't have too much on my mind right now other than the business ventures I'm involved with. I mean, it takes up most of my time when I am at work online...It's cool and everything, but I don't think it should consume most of my time. I don't know. But at least I don't have anything to complain about. And, this time last year, I had no aspirations to go into a business venture, let alone multiple ventures...

I don't know...

Sometimes, I just don't know what is going on in my head. Like right now, I'm considering doing some work with this artist I met. He draws in a similar fashion as I do, but with a little more anime influenced styling tacked on. We talked, he seems cool...I might go ahead and do some work with him. And on the other side, I'm in the talks with a local coffee house on doing a website for them. Granted, I didn't design this one, but I could have. I'm also still working with another business partner on a label that we're coming out with, CamoSoul. I can say it now that there is a patent on it...and it has been established with the BBB...so, I'm a little preoccupied. Plus, I'm still working on being a published poet. It's going to happen in the soon future, it's just the anticipation of the thing that bothers me. I don't know. That's all I can say right now. I'm still designing a logo for my personal company that I haven't quite decided what it is going to be. I may just do t-shirts and other stuff of that nature...possibly jackets and hats...I'm not sure yet. We'll see...no one ever said that decision making is easy, or at least I think no one has ever said that...

Are You Serious?

You know, I'm fine with being by myself right now...although it can be difficult at times. But, it seems like even if I wanted to have a relationship, the only ones that seem interested are either 35 and up, or my age with four kids. Don't get me wrong, I can understand the hardships of being a single mom, and I can almost understand having a kid by accident, but having FOUR by accident? Come on!!! Then I have had a 27, 38, 42, and a 44 year old want to "have a relationship" with me. I don't know what type of relationship they expect, especially when I want to get married and have kids. The 27 year old, well, she's ok, but I can't really understand her all the time when she talks. She's Hispanic and has a REALLY thick accent, and isn't always grammatically correct, so sometimes it is hard to decipher what she is saying. I still don't really want a relationship right now, I really don't have the time to devote to a relationship right now. I'm still getting my affairs in order. I think it is better to be "by myself" and a work in progress than to be with someone and have them feel neglected. It's just kinda frustrating to have all of these opportunities but they are all kinda bad, you know? Even if I did have all of my stuff together, the only one that I could possibly date would be the 27 year old, and even with her I don't really have too much to talk to her about. We really don't have anything in common. Plus, she is a party girl. She likes to go out, drink, dance, and whatever...I'm not really into that scene. I don't drink anymore, I was never really a club person, so what are we going to do? I guess this is just a way of reminding me that I am a desirable person, and when my time comes along, I'll be able to find someone that is on my level...besides, if this wasn't happening, I'd probably be complaining about no one being interested in me...

John Legend

I just ordered his live CD off of his website and it is great...simple, but great. It's just him singing and playing the piano. I do recommend it to anyone who enjoys NeoSoul, or stuff of that nature...

Oh wow...

You know, I have said from time to time that I'm really busy nowadays...I have my two jobs, church, I'm revamping my resume' to apply for a "for real" job with benefits...I'm trying to keep up my house...there is a lot to do, oh yeah, and I have to REST sometimes...I heard that it helps sustain life along with food and water...but some people don't get that. Just because I don't call my friends every day doesn't mean that I don't care about them...I am 21 years old, I don't sell or smoke crack, I don't have thirteen babies, and I'm obviously not in jail...but I DO have matters to attend to. So EXCUSE ME FOR HAVING A LIFE!!! I'm not a social worker, I'm not a counselor, I'm not a psychologist...If I was, I'd make much more money than I do now...so why is it such a BIG DEAL that I don't call all of my friends all of the time??? MOST OF THEM understand that I actually have AFFAIRS TO GET IN ORDER!!! Come on with the pity party crap! I understand that we all need people to talk to, people to give you advice...but sometimes you have to remember that the only two people you will always have to help you are Jesus and yourself. Putting your faith in men will always lead to downfall...but you know that already, don't you??? That's what you always say...I was going to say your name, but it really isn't necessary...you know who you are. If you don't, then too bad...you just need to understand that just because you made some retarded comments to me doesn't mean that I don't want to talk to you anymore, I'm just really busy. Yeah, you pissed me off when you said what you said, and I don't agree with what you said, and I STILL think you were wrong for hanging up on my mother, which you did...my mom is not slow, she can tell when someone is sitting there breathing on the phone...I STILL think you were wrong for sleeping with my friend...and no it's not jealousy, I've been with you in the past, I'm not with you now, it really doesn't matter as far as that is concerned, but I do know that from your past experiences that you CAN'T HANDLE SEX!!! You always have a blowout with the person, sometimes immediately, sometimes much later, but you always have some sort of blowout. I remember you saying the same type of stuff about Tim, saying to yourself that you didn't have to love him to sleep with him...you can't lie to yourself for very long...and I hope you do realize that is the year 2004, and people DO catch STDs...they are real. But you know that already...and since you say you don't feel bad anymore, think about this...there is story in the bible, old testament, and again, I'm sure you already know, about two sisters...one was a harlot, but she didn't know any better...her younger sister saw the ways of the older, and still became a harlot just like her, but far worse. Eventually, God turned her over to her sin, and she was murdered...Now, I'm not saying you are following behind someone else, I'm not saying that you are a harlot, and I'm not saying that you are going to be murdered...but what I am saying is that the younger sister knew better, as do you know better, so because of that, God eventually said, "I guess she doesn't care anymore..." and let her go out on her own, without his covering on her, and she lost her life...you need to repent, be sorry for what you have done, mend up your life, renew your life with Christ, and your situation will brighten...but you know that already. And just as a sidenote: If you know how to spell my name, then why did you spell it wrong twice? Also, I left it as maybe you don't know how to edit your posts after you post them...but you have since revised another post you did just after the one about my mother...so obviously you don't care enough to even go back and fix the title...How would you feel I named this post "The Dayerden Chronicles" or something just as stupid...I don't think you would like that...you don't even like it when someone who DOESN'T EVEN KNOW YOU misspells your name. And your name isn't even a common one. Most people would misspell your name simply based on the fact that they thought it was an error...Come on now...and you wonder why that bothered me?

P.S. I don't know who wrote that bullet comment, and I don't agree with them either...that was really bogus...

Status

What is the big deal about status? Everyone either wants it, or they are bragging about it to someone else. Whether it's church, work, or even in small-talk, someone is always talking about their own personal status. Then, after the initial introduction of the topic, the other person tries to say that their status is higher, or better...It's annoying. I read once that the wisest man of all is the one that truly believes that he knows nothing. This is very true, but one should also realize that if you must proclaim your position to everyone, it must not hold as much weight as you think...or that you just have low self-esteem. Maybe one day people will realize that life isn't all about them, it's about your role and true destiny, then fulfilling it. Not that my Excursion is better than your Escalade...or my island is better than your penthouse. You know? Then you also have the people that think they can do everything because they are good at a couple things. For instance, just because my father is a musician, does that mean he can build a suspension bridge? No...but people with egos the size of Nebraska think they can...I don't get it...maybe I'm not suppose to get it, but it get frustrating sometimes.

On a sidenote:

The Real World SUCKS this year!!! I should've been on the cast for Philly. They need someone with some sense on the show...maybe that is one of the requirements now, have no sense...oh well...

ICHTHYS

I have been meaning to post this a LONG time ago...This particular website, and its readings, have been helping me along with my spiritual growth. There is a wealth of knowledge available from the teachings in the books that he makes available on his site. I hope that it helps some of you all as it has helped me. Also, check out bible.com and dictionary.com...those two sites help for getting Greek and Hebrew translations and it'll help you define words or acronyms that you may not know...

The Infamous Color Quiz...

I just took the Color Quiz...I'm wondering if they are right...

Here are the results:

Your Existing Situation
Insecure. Seeks roots, stability, emotional security, and an environment providing greater ease and fewer problems.


Your Stress Sources
Delights in the tasteful, the gracious, and the sensitive, but maintains his attitude of critical appraisal and refuses to be swept off his feet unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore keeps a strict and watchful control on his emotional relationships as he must know exactly where he stands. Demands complete sincerity as a protection against his own tendency to be too trusting.


Your Restrained Characteristics
Circumstances are such that he feels forced to compromise for the time being if he is to avoid being cut off from affection or from full participation.
The situation is preventing him from establishing himself, but he feels he must make the best of things as they are.


Your Desired Objective
Seeks affectionate, satisfying and harmonious relationships. Desires an intimate union, in which there is a love, self-sacrifice and mutual trust.


Your Actual Problem
Needs to protect himself against his tendency to be too trusting, as he finds it is liable to be misunderstood or exploited by others. Is therefore seeking a relationship providing peaceful and understanding intimacy, and in which each knows exactly where the other stands.

Is 21 old?

I feel like an old man. I already have a set routine. I wake up, get ready, go to one job, go to the other, then go home. I go to church twice a week, but that's it. I don't go out. Ever. I mean, I do have the occasional outing with my parents or my grandma, or both; but other than that, nothing. It gets depressing sometimes. Not that I want to go out and party it up or anything. I just haven't really been anywhere. Haven't seen my friends outside of church functions in months. I know why it is like this, but it still isn't something that I like. I don't know anymore. I don't really know anything. I have an understanding for certian subject matters, or even some situations, but I don't know anything. It's hard to realize that sometimes.

What's the Deal???

I'm here at College of Lake County, doing nothing like always...but the whole Dollar General thing is still bothering me. They told me now that I have nothing to worry about, but this cat is still not fired yet. Come On!!! Now we all KNOW that if my black butt stole a Reese's Cup, I mean a singular cup, I'd be in prison with Simon Adebisi from HBO's Oz. But, that's neither here nor there. I don't want to say they are "protecting their own" but it sure looks like it. At least the blame isn't on me like it was before.

Well, it could be worse...

At my fantastic job at Dollar General, I am now the cashier when it's an all-guy shift. They say it's because I have better people skills, but I think it's because they just don't like "cashiering," if that's even a noun...but anyway, I was at the register. At the end of the day, the old manager said that both my drawer and his brother's girlfriend's drawer were even, (isn't that kinda suspicious that she works for her boyfriend's brother???), but the petty cash was short by fifty dollars. So, since it wasn't short from my register, I left and went home. The next day I came in, and the new manager said that Brian, (the old manager), said that my drawer was short fifty dollars...I KNEW I didn't take the money, so I wasn't worried. It just concerned me that this was brought to me like that...I told her what went down the other night before I left, told her that his brother is in rehab, so the girlfriend is coming up short for rent money, and I also told her that he said before I left that I was not short, and to not worry about it. So she reviewed the tape with my suggestion, (I mean, I had nothing to hide, so why not?), she saw that I did not take any money from the register, so I was in the clear...and that's good, but still. That guy is a racist liar, so I'm really not feeling him at all right now. I know I'm still suppose to forgive, but I really won't forget this.

Labor Day...

I am feeling a little better about having my schedule maxed out. I mean, it could always be worse. I have two jobs, I have friends, and I am comfortable right now. My "holiday" wasn't too fantastic. I stayed home all day until it was time for me to go to work at Dollar General. I believe that Dollar General has a really, intricate management selection process. I believe that they either get people that either have had absolutely no retail experience at all or just people who flunked out of micro-management school. They have no concept of how to schedule people ahead of time. The schedule doesn't usually come out until one day after the schedule is supposed to start. For instance, my schedule for this week was suppose to come out on Thursday, it started on Saturday, but hopefully, I will find out what it is on Tuesday when I get in. They have no concept of what it is to call people to let them know their hours have been cut, and usually when you are scheduled, they only have a very VAUGUE idea of what it is they wanted you to do. But other than that, it's nice. Well, if I don't mind getting paid thirty-five cents a day. Well, like I said, it could be worse.

At least I'm shaving the debt I have away nickel by nickel. My battles with myself are getting better. After each round, I have less blood to mop up that came out of my spirit man. The thing that makes the fight so difficult is that it seems like my flesh never gets tired...I probably lost most of you by now, but that's okay...Just know that I have more faith in my future now than I've ever had, and that's cool...

Hey, aren't church people suppose to be compassionate???

I go to Christian Faith Fellowship Church in Zion, Illinois. It's a great place to go for fellowship, worship, and most of all, for the Pastoral leadership. But, just like anywhere else, it does have its drawbacks. One is this: My friend Isaiah is an International student here on a Student Visa, they agreed to pay for his schooling, and now they are backing out. I am really upset about this...this is ridiculous...they knew what they were signing up for when they brought him here...what's the deal? I don't want to see him go back. I was just wondering if there was anything that I could do. I don't have the money to pay for his classes, but there has to be something that I could do...like some type of fundraiser. He needs four thousand a semester, which isn't that bad for a pre-med student, but still... If anyone knows of any International Student scholarship, or if even anyone knows where he can get a job that will pay "under the table" in the Waukegan/Zion/North Chicago area...that would be most appreciated. He REALLY NEEDS the money...