Pushing Milk like Crates...

Yeah, well, I know I already have two jobs, but is that really enough??? I guess not, because now I am going to be a milk man...


Yes, a milk man. I know what you're thinking...no, I will not have on a white outfit going door-to-door...I will be delivering milk to different stores...not too bad...good pay...

We'll see how this pans out...

The Aviator

Well, I saw The Aviator...it was a good movie. Left me in a bit of a disarray. Well, he had some sort of disorder, I forget which one it is, and he just gets so compulsive that he goes completely insane. I felt bad for him...I mean, his mother set up this type of behavior about "being clean" when he was a child because of all of the diseases that when rapid in his childhood...but they simply overpowered him. It appeared as if he sold his soul at an early age, and he was being tormented by the demons around him because of it. Startling to say the least...but it was well shot. They borrowed the "Hell's Angels" review scene from A Clockwork Orange, but other than that, it was a good picture. The roles were played very well...you felt like you were actually watching Hughes go through his life, ups and downs, instead of just watching a docudrama...nevertheless, it was a good movie.

...after the show its the after-party...

yah yah whatever...I know it's another Jay-Z influenced title...but I'll be ok.


there really isn't much on the horizon right now. I just found a decent site to download movies from again...that was nice. Other than that, I'm not to interesting...

well, here is something:

what is it with underage girls tryin to talk to me? I mean, I know I'm not that old, (22), but I have gone the extra effort and gone without my mach 3 for about ten days...I even showed some chest hair yesterday...And this little 17 year-old still gave me her number...I threw it away, but hey, I looked old! I guess it is a pleasant change from old ladies tryin' to talk to me...

I don't know what it is, I think I have too much on my mind sometimes throughout my day. It's weird. like I live in "The Wonder Years ptII" or something. I think I put so much pressure on myself that I syke myself out and lose hope, or even faith in what I'm doing. I slowly punk myself and lose what it is that I'm suppose to keep up with for others. I mean, I'm not saying that I'm not responsible...but I just lose focus sometimes. I mean, you can only focus in on one thing...everything else is along the path to what you are focused on...

on another note:

Someone recently told me that hickeys can lead to cancer...is that true?

What more can I say?

Well...things aren't going to bad as of late. I'm a little fatigued at the moment, but I'll live. I haven't really been up to much lately...just working and church like normal. The only thing that has changed is that I talk to a friend of mine every night: Lanese. I like her. I mean, I went on one date with her, it was fun, but I really haven't made a fair assessment as to what are relationship is going to involve, but I feel like I'm already involved. Weird, huh? As for Camo Soul, we had an art show last week on Thursday. It went well. I wasn't there, but it went well. I feel like I will be pursuing my "inventions" with more fervor soon...I'm going to start building my credit back up, and hopefully go into real estate investment. We'll see. The fast is cool...no meat no juice is kinda rough, but again, I'll be ok. I've been finding some unstartling things out about myself that I didn't know was still there. I'm still sad about how I treated my ex and how that relationship dissolved...I'm still sad about how I treated girls in high school...I didn't know that I haven't allowed myself to heal from that, and I have been just displacing it. I wasn't aware. Now that I know, I don't quite know what it is that I'm going to do. I know that I don't need to rush things with anyone right now. I know that I need to be able to sustain on my own. I need a real job...

...but I'll be ok. I haven't had too much creativity flowing through me lately. I don't know what's up with that. I don't quite know what I feel right now...maybe a little bit panicked...but that's about it. I don't think that I need to right a poem about that.

yeah, I'm still fasting, and i put together a desk...

I am at a friend's house of mine, and now I feel SO accomplished because I just put together a computer desk for them...it took like 45 minutes, but it was cool...

The fast is a trip...I don't think that I will eat another chicken salad for the rest of my life...

Other than that I'm cool...I'm still working at both jobs, and well, I'm getting tired of it...but I'm thinking about selling cars to people who want those "hot Japanese Imports..."

Wow...this was an eventful break...

Well, Christmas and New Year's was fine. One of my boys came up from Harvey to see me on New Year's Eve...we had fun. I hadn't really spent time with him like that since we were kids...

That was the easy part.

I wrote about this girl on my site a while back, her name is will be, "the one we do not speak of"...She called me one night and told me she was back in town. The next day we went to the mall, to the beach...we spent the whole day together...just talking. It was great. She went to church with me, she even liked it, and she took notes! Everything was looking good; until I prayed about her and God told me I shouldn't date her, she need me to be her friend. That hurt, but I had to do what I had to do...so as quick as it started, it was over. Then I talked to Kristen, and I figured that I better just leave her alone as a friend also. She's way too busy, and she doesn't seem like she is to into me...then there is someone else I met, Lanese...

Man, she is mad cool...I talked to her on the phone longer than I have EVER talked to anyone. She just put out this real, and comfortable vibe...it was nice. I'm still going to pray about her, but right now. I am feeling her. I don't know. I still need to get my affairs in order, but I do want to date her. That isn't bad, is it?

Other than that, I'm cool. I'm on a fast right now, and it's going pretty good...haven't eaten anything bad yet, but I'm growing tired of the same stuff all of the time.

I'll fill you in...

Well, it has been a very eventful break to say the least. I got a lot of great gifts for Christmas, I kinda dated someone for a while, then broke it off, and lost 15 pounds...but I really don't have time to elaborate, but I will tell you about it Wednesday...

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind pt.2

...wow....


This movie was a trip. The guy, Josh, ends up fighting in his memory to keep his thoughts from being deleted about his girl, Clementine. He changed his mind about getting her deleted, but it was too late. He saved just enough in his mind to know where to meet her again the next day and start over. It was really touching. I think I would actually like to buy this movie, and watch it again just to better analyze it...

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

Have you heard of this movie? It's an interesting concept...to have someone completely erased from your memory. Is there someone that I would want totally erased from my memory, I could say yes, but then, I wouldn't have any type of learning experience from the situation...they say that ignorance is bliss, but is it truly bliss if you relive the exact situation because you haven't already gone through it? It would take a large amount of pain to take someone to that level. What if they erased too much? What if I wanted the memory back? It's not something that I want to even think about too hard...just like with Vanilla Sky, would you rather live in a dream world that you know is a dream world, or would you want to wake up and see what is really going on in the real world...I'm not sure...back to my original question path...what if you found out that someone got you erased from their memory? Would you want them erased out of your mind too? I don't know...it's kinda weird. I think it would bother me terribly if someone erased me out of their memory...

...huh.

I know that I don't like Wesley Snipes all that much...I mean, the whole thing with Halle and him kinda burned me up, but he can make killing vampires look really entertaining...I just started watching Blade Trinity...so far it's a good movie...

Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired...

I've been sick for almost a full six days now. This is really bugging me. Usually I might be sick for about three days, maybe four...but not six. I have too much to do, too much to pay to be sick right now. I'm still going to work at both of my jobs, but having to cough or blow my nose is agitating...my eyes get hot...sometimes I think I may be able to set things on fire by glaring it over...whatever, I'll be ok.

...yeah, right.

So, I know that I have been complaining lately about the whole, "I'm driving again, so now I'm cute..." but it is still bothering me. Yesterday I had a conversation with two different women about how much they like me. This is almost an overwhelmingly obvious attack at me, trying to throw me off course...but I don't know. I KNOW I would be complaining if no one noticed me, but still...I don't know. My orientation starts tomorrow at 7:00am, and I'm kind of excited. Hopefully it will be a good job, and it will allow me to do what I have to do with my money...other than that, I'm fine. Christmas is coming up, and everyone in my family is SO EXPENSIVE to shop for...I'm a little worried about that. Plus finding time to shop...oh wow, am I looking forward to that.

Life.

There is something new that I have realized about life. I already recognized that God will always give you a way out of a situation, but he will also bring someone in to your life that you can assist with advice that not only helps the person, but it also helps you out. I've met a young lady on the internet that is phenomenal, but she is running into these "characters" that toy around with her life leading her into confusing mind-games that lead to no positive ending. I mean, men are always complaining about how "There are no good girls left out there..." but yet in still, they are always making a mess out of the women that they run across. Don't they realize that it took someone to meet and confuse the good girls so they end up in a jumbled mess??? For some reason I always run into these young women who have been through the most horrible things, and they always seem to tell me about them in full detail. I feel so bad for these females, and I really try to help them out, but there is never going to be a way for me to fix them back up...that is something that they have to do for themselves with God...but anyway, I use to feel so bad for them, and then I use to ask, "Where are all of the good girls at?" I had to realize that they are out there, and until I have been repaired from the damage that I put myself through, I won't be able to do anything but bring the other person down that I am interested in. That is the way people work, whether they like it or not. So I guess I'm just saying this to all the "good girls": Be Careful. There are a lot of guys out there that project this great image of themselves as a really wholesome, caring, and endearing individual...but they are really a low down dog...and I know this, I mean, I did it...although it wasn't intentional. Just stay prayed up, or however you say that, and stay strong...your man will come through when you are both ready for a healthy relationship.

Thanksgiving Day

Well, I know it's kinda late to be writing about Thanksgiving Day, but it took me a while to debate whether or not to talk about it...
Thanksgiving Day was cool, kinda chill though. I ate dinner with my parents, and my grandma came over and brought some greens and her sweet potato pies...Everything was good, but right after dinner was over, I ran downstairs and changed clothes so I can go over to Kristen's house for Thanksgiving "Dessert"... Yeah, I just said dessert, but before I get into that, let me explain who Kristen is.
Kristen is a friend that I met in January of last year. It was kind of an accidental meeting through a mutual acquaintance, but I met her none the less...any way, I have been in contact with her since. Nothing too major. I just would talk to her while at school and I would talk to her on the telephone. I mean, I would've taken her out, but I was on the bus...my license was suspended at that time...but yeah, I told her that I was interested in her, but I wanted to take the time to get to know her better...
So, I got dressed, grabbed the two bottles of non-alcoholic chardonnay that I bought the night before and raced out the door. It took me about twenty minutes to find her house, but it should have only took ten. I finally found a parking spot, and walked up to her door. Her house looked like something that belonged in an episode of "Leave it to Beaver", but it wasn't corny...I looked to my left as I walked in and saw a full-blown dining room table spread. The turkey was even in the center of the table...I didn't think that people really do the whole table spread like that, but it did look nice. Her mom was busy cleaning off the table; she fit the house, a black June Cleaver...she had the apron on and the whole nine. She smiled and thanked me for the bottles, checked to make sure that they weren't alcohol, and she retrieved her daughter. When Kristen swept through the hall, she had a huge smile on her face. I greeted her, and then the introductions began. I think I shook all of the hands in the house...but then we came around to her father. I think that she purposely introduced me to him last so he could have time to get caught up in an after-dinner conversation with one of his friends. So it wasn't quite as bad as I thought it would be. I did really enjoy myself very much at her house. I talked a lot with her brother, who is one year older than me, and I met her older sister, who is like, 27. They are cool people...but that really didn't surprise me. I figured they would all carry the same basic traits, and they do. They are all very intelligent, hard working, and interesting. I do think that I really like her though...I just don't really know where I want to take her though. I mean, I could do something normal, like go to the movies, or take her to dinner, or both...but I want to do something special with her. I mean, I really like her...but I don't know. I guess I will figure out something.

True...

It seems like I have been waiting for months to be able to go out and chill with some friends...but when I finally did it, it wasn't all that great. Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy myself, but I thought it was going to be better than that. One night, I went to see "Fade to Black" that Jay-Z movie...it was good for what it was...and then we ate some pizza. Not too action packed, but it was good to get out and laugh with my peers. The next time I went out I stopped by a friend's house, talked, went to a basketball game, and went home...again not too much going on, but enjoyable. I guess the thing is, I don't quite know what I was expecting. It's not like every time I went out something mind-blowing occurred, but after being a recluse for five months I began to expect more out of my "chill time." I guess that wasn't fair of me. Oh well...

Is it just me?

Maybe I'm over reacting. Maybe it's a coincidence. Or maybe not...


It seems that ever since I've gotten my license back, I've been seeing these girls at bus stops eyeballing me. Hard. This morning I stopped to get some gas up the street from my house, and on the way back, I noticed this girl standing at the bus stop. Now I knew I had seen her before, I mean, I just stopped taking the bus this week, and I see her every Thursday over at CLC when I'm at work. Usually she doesn't pay me any attention, but now all of a sudden, as soon as I walk in she says with a smile, "I saw you this morning..." I mean, I know she saw me, I stopped at the stop sign she was standing by...I mean, I don't know her name, she doesn't know mine, but she seemed hurt that I didn't give her a ride to the school I work at...I just didn't think it would be too comfortable driving some chick I don't know somewhere in my car. Plus, I did think about giving her a ride, but she didn't wave and I didn't think she would just hop in the car with some dude that she didn't know. I guess she'll get over it.

Not sure...

I've been complaining to myself and to my mother that I have nothing to write about as far as my poetry is concerned...but I'm not sure if I enjoy what I'm writing about. I thought for a while that maybe my writing of current events was giving me nothing to talk about, but that really isn't the case. The only thing that really gives me inspiration to write is when I'm having some sort of internal conflict...and that in turn causes pain, or some other type of discomfort. I don't quite enjoy it, but I do enjoy the release that my writing allows me to experience. It isn't crazy, so don't think that. It's not like I enjoy going through difficult times just so I can write poetry, that isn't the case. It's just that the only way people in general can appreciate what is bestowed upon them is to have either something bad happen to them, or have whatever that is taken away from them. Sort of the same as the whole balance between good and evil. I use to have this big personal conflict with the existence of Satan. I didn't really understand why he was even around...then I started to understand that God already knew that Lucifer was going to fall, and that was part of the reason behind his creation. For no one can really appreciate God unless they have something to compare it to. Sort of like you don't appreciate being rich unless you have been poor/middle class. Or you don't appreciate a good cook until you have dined on the results from a bad cook...but on another note, I REALLY ENJOY HAVING BACK MY LICENSE!!!

127

I have an IQ rating of 127. I think I can do better.

Hospitals Suck...

Guess what??? I was admitted into the emergency room on Saturday...I was worried because I thought I was going to die...I was having these "episodes" where I would feel a "knocking" inside of my chest. I didn't know what it was, and it has been going on for about six weeks...so I was starting to worry to say the least. While I was there, I really felt like I was wasting my time. The nurse was a butthole, and I reported him to the Nursing manager, or whatever you want to call it...I pretty much wasted $100 of my money...all I have to show for it is a wristband and some paperwork...no more information than when I went in, other than the fact that I'm not going to die...so I guess that is one positive out of the bunch...

Hi...Do I know you?

Well it's been forever since I wrote in this thing, so I might as well play catch up. I've been so busy between my production company, selling shoes and throwback jerseys, and designing a website for a couple of different endeavors...I need a break. Plus tomorrow I'm going to traffic court. I really hope it goes well. I need my license back so I can get a better job. Speaking of jobs, why do all the new people want to freakin' steal from Dollar General??? Are they retarded? I mean, the MOST EXPENSIVE THING THERE IS A $50 SWIMMING POOL!!! Plus, the registers have been coming up short, like $20 here, $35 there...I don't know about these people. As long as they don't look my way, I'll be ok. Hopefully after I get my license back, I'll be able to take one of my friends out on a date. She embodies what I look for: she's smart, ambitious, funny, Christian, and she's REALLY cute. I just want to get to know her better...I mean, I'm not even sure if she likes me like that...I don't know. But I can't find out without a license. By the way, girls I met years ago are starting to see me at work, and they speak, but I don't remember their names. For instance, one girl I went to high school with came into the store the other day and spoke to me, but I didn't remember her name. I remember now that her name was Stacey, and she was voted "Best Body" in her graduating class, but I never really spoke to her in school...She was a Senior when I was a sophomore. I wanted to talk to her, but I never did...until she came into the store. I talked to her for about 20 minutes, but I couldn't remember her name to save my life. At least she didn't know...but I still felt bad.