I never knew...

That I was that old. At least I felt old while I was doing this...what is this?


Walking.


Walking around my neighborhood. Not for fun, but because I am fat as a drug dealer's bankroll on the 1st.



So I finally started to walk after work on Monday. I was so serious...I got a pair of running shoes, put in some arch supports to stop my shins from hurting, got a couple t-shirts from the back of the closet and a good pair of sweatpants...and that's not all...

I got two big black garbage bags and made my own sauna suit. I was so excited right? Got my iPod, put it on a comedy CD to keep track of my time because I wasn't going to wear a watch...the plan was to walk for 30 minutes a night. After 15, I was gonna make my way back home, sounds good right? Yeah.



So yesterday I was walking, and made out better than I did before...my shins didn't hurt, I was cool...then after about ten minutes something happened...things changed... and then I felt my self getting angry...like, like someone did something horrible to me, you know? The only thing is: nothing happened to me other than the fact I was ten minutes away from my house. Then smells started to change. At first I smelled flowers and leaves...


and that suddenly changed to napalm and great depression.





Yeah, I smelled the entire Great Depression;


I was so confused. After that, something else changed...my stride. At first, I had this normal type of, "I'm walking because I need to lose some fatness" stride...



and that changed to an "I'm a Nazi soldier!" stride. You know the one, with the one arm going all fast, and the other one not moving...



then it changed again...I started walking like George Jefferson.


Then after that it changed to a "I went to jail as an infant, and I had to learn how to walk by watching other people in jail along with old reruns of 'The Jeffersons'."



It was bad...for real.

After a while, I finally got home, and the closer I got to my apartment, the more I felt like I was gonna pass out...but it all felt like it was worth it, so I'm going to do it again today when I get home.


Be Safe or Be Smitten.