It's December 26th, and, well, I don't quite know what to do with myself. I had a good time with my family yesterday, but as we unwrapped our presents, I started to realize something...I'm leaving them. Bear with me here, I'm not crazy, but for whatever reason, while I watched my grandma's face light up with excitement as she gave her presents the once over, it hit me like a right cross. I love my family, and I am going to miss them terribly.
I'm going to miss them all. I'm going to miss watching 'The Rifleman' with my grandpa...(btw, I LOVE that show!!!), I'm going to miss eating breakfast on Saturday morning with my grandma while we watch QVC and PBS...talking about man stuff and just picking up gems of wisdom from my father...and watching my mother turn into a Wii fanatic.
The more time I spend with each and every one of them, I see a piece of me. I see what time, care, and love they have deposited in me throughout the time I have been with them. I see the mannerisms I've picked up, the habits, the quirks, facial expressions, or even my outlook on life at times. I know my family isn't perfect, and no one's family is...but it is MY family, and I love them. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly, my life with them has helped mold me into who I am one way or another...or they've helped me recognize parts of myself that isn't pleasant so I can change. I just feel an overwhelming love in my heart for each one of them, to the point that I want to pack them into a box, and take them to New Jersey with me...but I can't. I can't take them with me, but I can take what they have taught me, I can take the memories with me...and I can still call...but you can't give a hug through the phone, and if you wipe tears away with your cell phone you may hurt yourself....
It's just hard. I don't regret the decision to move, no matter how hastily I made it, but I...I just love them, and I don't want them to feel like I'm abandoning them, or I'm moving away from them. I love them so much...so much.
...I just feel like moving is something that I have to do right now in order for the rest of my life to start...and I know it isn't going to be easy, but it's something that I have to do right now.
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
the bold type
5 years ago
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1 comments:
I deal with the same thoughts, since I moved away from my family. Sure I'd love to be with them, but I also want to explore life for myself. I'm tryna convince them to move with me, so I don't have to move back, lol. But I'm sure I'll be back eventually, and I know this is/was all worth it.
Hopefully you'll feel the same! Best of luck to ya!
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