You have noticed that as of late, I haven't been blogging lately. I mean, it is more than the fact that I have been busy...and it is even more than the fact that I no longer work at the College of Last Chance...I just haven't wanted to. I mean, I am a pretty open person, and I am willing to share myself with people, but I haven't felt the need to. I have been feeling a great mixture of emotions as of late, and I don't quite understand what they all mean. I have pretty much given up on the Wife Search for now...even if I find or have found her, I probably couldn't handle her right now, and even if I could handle her in my life, I'm not sure if I know how to handle a woman in my life anymore. Then trying to figure out if a girl/woman really actually appreciates you the same way you appreciate her without getting your feelings hurt is a greatly unnecessary hassle...I don't quite know anymore. The more life I live, the more I come to understand that I really don't know anything. Most of my knowledge is relative, and even with that, I am questioning my own sense of "absolute truths". I'm not questioning God, and I am not questioning my own sexuality or anything like that, but still...Things that I thought that I knew how to decipher are coming back with confusing results. I need a vacation. From life. Like a sort of way to pause my own existence, and learn new things...relax, and then unpause exactly where I left...not losing any time. My poetry is flowing pretty well....I am seeming to grow spiritually...my bond with my male friends is growing exponentially...I should be happy, right?
Then Why Aren't I Happy???
the bold type
5 years ago
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1 comments:
i'm sorry about your job, but at least now things with work are a bit more steady, i mean your work schedule, so that you're probably able to get longer sleep, than to have a crazy sleep schedule with two jobs...given up on the wife search? so that's why you've been acting "funny"? i dont understand why you think that you cant handle her...you seem to be mature enough, so you should be able to, that doesnt mean that things are going to be perfect though and that you just cant step out and take that chance...you trying to figre out things comes from you doubting and not just believing when someone tells you how they really feel, it could do with self esteem which is what i think, or maybe not...well see if somewhere down the line you can take a few days off and just relax...get away from home, go to anoither city or state and visit if you can...i can only take a guess as to why you're not happy, but i rather not..
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