Man, this is reckless...

I have finally moved out of my parents' house...it feels so grandtorious!!! I'm sayin' like, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. It's cool...I really like it. The rent is affordable, my stuff is going look really nice in my place when I get all of it...and I am involved with someone...It is coming along quite nicely...I'm really happy right now. The funny thing is that her name is Christin...I know, right?

Look how time changes things...

Huh...

Yeah, I know I have been neglecting my blog, but life has been a bit busy...I have been catching up on rest and cutting bogus, lying, manipulative, retarded, stuck on themselves, just plain pointless females out of my life...(Hint: Rosland and Kristen, I'm talking about y'all, with your retarded expectations and pure wastes of my life...) That is not bitterness...it's just frustration. I mean, I know they really think that they made the decision...but they actually just saved me the trouble of telling them to forget who I am...ugh...I will write about it later, along with everything else that is going on now...

Reckless

Most of my mind wanders to what could have been...the rest of it wonders what will be. I'm not sure which outlook is better. I know that I am suppose to make the best of what I have, but it still erks me that I let what I had slip away. I am not talking about a girl...but I am talking about opportunities. I mean, I do have another plan developed, but it isn't as promising looking as the original plan was. I guess that is only because I have no idea how it's going to pan out. I know I am going to be a success at whatever it is that I am suppose to do with my life, but still. The suspense mounts daily...life really is a test after all, it just gives you a bunch of chances to make it up...unless you give up.

Life is an Anonymity...

Much has passed in front of my eyes these few weeks...


I feel the recurring Mike Jones theme song playing in my head, "Back then, didn't want me...now I'm hot, all on me..."

I don't get it. How many times do I say that? I'm still a milk man, I'm still in the process of preparing myself to move out, but in the same breath it isn't as stressful to do so anymore. I'm not really worried about it anymore. Me and Dad are mending our relationship...that's pretty cool...I messed up the driver's side fender...but I may just take it off and replace it myself; sans duct tape. My job is getting better...i guess...Tampico is the negro...


I'm still losing weight...I have lost about 35 to 40 pounds...I almost feel sexy...


Life is pretty mellow...my affinity for Kristen has faded away...but it seems like it's trying to apply itself to Rosland...even though I don't want it too...

Plus, there is another girl who actually likes me now...I might start to date her and see what's up with that.

Not much else has been going on...pretty lame, huh?

Amazing...

I know this isn't very much of a time difference between my last post and today's post, but I feel a whole lot better.

For starters...I have decided if a chick can't appreciate the wonderful cat that I am, too bad for her...she missed out. I'm not ugly, and I have a personality...I do drive a Honda, but I don't sell drugs...I have a job, with benefits, and I am actually intelligent...


...and I'm not trying to bone!!!


So, I think that is a pretty good start...

Plus I groom fairly well for the weekends, and my style is cool, but not overbearing...and I always smell good...that's always a plus. Chicks are just finicky during the summer...guys are too, so don't sweat it.


I have a lot to offer, and I'm getting in shape...my arms are looking nice!

So, in closing; I'm cool...not just in the trite slang sense of the word's meaning, but I feel fine...I think I just needed to get that crap out of my system...plus I hadn't slept much last week...that probably contributed to my condition.

So, I will be kickin' it, with either overpriced coffee in my hand or some tea/lemonade mixed enjoying my summer...

I even have a fresh pair of white on whites...with a reserve with the gum bottom...

Yeah, I'll be cool...

To be honest...

I guess that is pretty much how I am, and lately, that is how I have felt. I feel drained all the time, and to compensate, I go and hang out with my friends to make me feel better...I feel lonely even still...I don't know. It's the oddest reality of sorts. I'm tired of dealing with problems. I need a streak of successes or something...a reward...I don't know...at least some free gas for my car...

aghhhhhhhaggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhaghghghlsddljafeiowhnvdo;wierujoenw vl!!!!!!!!


I have absolutely NO IDEA what that would sound like, but I do think the Neptunes could sample it and get paid off of my angst...but I'm not even a teen...

whatever.

I'll get over it.

...the question is how?

Infamous Color Quiz Pt. II

I took this a while ago, and it gave me some startling accurate results...this is what it said initially:

Your Existing Situation

Insecure. Seeks roots, stability, emotional security, and an environment providing greater ease and fewer problems.

Your Stress Sources

Delights in the tasteful, the gracious, and the sensitive, but maintains his attitude of critical appraisal and refuses to be swept off his feet unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore keeps a strict and watchful control on his emotional relationships as he must know exactly where he stands. Demands complete sincerity as a protection against his own tendency to be too trusting.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Circumstances are such that he feels forced to compromise for the time being if he is to avoid being cut off from affection or from full participation. The situation is preventing him from establishing himself, but he feels he must make the best of things as they are.

Your Desired Objective

Seeks affectionate, satisfying and harmonious relationships. Desires an intimate union, in which there is a love, self-sacrifice and mutual trust.

Your Actual Problem

Needs to protect himself against his tendency to be too trusting, as he finds it is liable to be misunderstood or exploited by others. Is therefore seeking a relationship providing peaceful and understanding intimacy, and in which each knows exactly where the other stands.


...this is what I got today:

Your Existing Situation

Willing and adaptable. Only at peace when closely attached to a person, group, or organization on a which reliance can be placed.

Your Stress Sources

The tenacity and strength of will necessary to contend with existing difficulties has become weakened. Feels overtaxed, worn out, and getting nowhere, but continues to stand his ground. He feels this adverse situation as an actual tangible pressure which is intolerable to him and from which he wants to escape, but he feels unable to make the necessary decision.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Very exacting in the standards he applies to his choice of a partner and seeking a rather unrealistic perfection in his sex life.
Conditions are such that he will not let himself become intimately involved without making mental reservations.

Your Desired Objective

Wants to swipe aside the things that stand in his way, to follow his impulses, and be involved in special or exciting happenings. In this way he hopes to deaden the intensity of his conflicts, but his impulsive behavior leads him to take risks.

Your Actual Problem

The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond his capabilities, or his reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. He attempts to remedy this by intense activity and by insistence on getting his own way. Faulty self-control can lead to ungovernable displays of anger.


Anyone who knows me that reads this blog, is this really me???

The Heart of the Sun

To understand principle is to fully grasp not only what has been declared as so, but to understand the vantage point that it was delivered from. This has eluded me for many moons...but not to dwell on the past, lets move forward...

Principle has always been a cornerstone of my own understanding and revelation knowledge, but I don't quite get why indifference is translated into insubordinance in certain arenas. To decide what one's fate is before they are cast from the womb is not only unfair, but it is unjust. Yet, some actions have been the precursor for some predictaments that I have faced...I could just cast it away as something I can't understand, but that is an excuse...as everything else seems to be. I don't quite understand the difference between excuses and explanations...

Where did it all start? Alas, much has been said of the situation, but not of the outcome...much is said of the outcome, but not the conditioning...You learn how to pacify, and that is included into a list of cop-outs....

You ask why my face displays the reactions it paints...and I ask why does the painter paint but for inspiration? Yes, can you see it now? I don't think you can. Even if I extract verbatim what something is, analogous conceptions are hung out to dry.

...then what is the issue?

Lose vs. Lose...either way, you give the same opinion, then why ask? You can save the comments on my incompetive behavior, for one learns from either example or condition, what else is there?

Do you have an Answer?

Brick Wall

I'm not going to bother explaining what this has to do with...but if that person is reading this, then I guess they'll know what this means...'cause I sure don't:


All I keep seeing is a brick wall. It is ridiculously high, I have no idea how to get over it. I mean, I've gone around it, but it is still there...a nuisance. It's really getting on my last nerve. I don't get it, and more than likely, I never will. I've helped many people climb walls like this, but I can't seem to find anyone that can really help me. I've talked to the wall...but my words just bounce off...stone can't understand words or reasoning. I don't get it. I understand molecular biology, but not this. They should have classes on wall climbing. I'd take four. I can't even understand why I can't just accept that this is a wall that I cannot climb...I want to though. Not for the sense of accomplishment, and not for a trophy...but because this is the only wall that has ever made me feel like I can quit. This is the only wall that seems like it matters. In my mind...all I see is this cinnamon colored wall...has to be like 5 million yards high...but its foundation is so stable that it won't fall over...I guess I'll just settle for a life of nothing for another 11 months...oh man, I want to cry.

As We Proceed...

...to give you what you need!!!


Man, I haven't heard that in a while...

Well, me and Rozzdizzle are pals now, which is a refreshing change...I mean, I know I have one other female friend...



...but she's different. I don't quite know what to say about her; even still.


Work is becoming annoying. Six day work weeks are no joke, and it seems like as soon as I recover halfway, here comes work, staring me in the face...ugghhhhh
I need more money.

I think I need to anoint my wallet with oil or something.



Moving out is becoming the growing trend in my life. All my plans start with, "I'm moving out, so..." It's like, before I spend money, I'm thinking that the $4.75 I'm about to spend could buy a box or something to move out with...it's becoming almost retarded in my mind, but I do need to save more...i might stop going out for a couple weeks, just to save more money.



I wish I had more to write...but I really didn't do much this weekend...

Blah, blah, blah, bye.

Light-Skinned Complex

I have been accused of having a light-skinned complex. I know why, it's just I don't quite agree with them. I mean, yes, I'm yellow, but I am an equal opportunity employer, so I don't know why they think I only like light girls. I mean, my top ten list is flooded with light and exotic women, but that doesn't mean I don't think brown and dark skinned girls are equally as beautiful. Maybe I have a preference...I can agree with that. But everybody has a preference. Look at the trends...dark, bald, midnight-infused negroes were, and still are all the rage...you don't see me pointing the finger, do you? I might complain that I should have been born in '76 so I could have been in style, but that's about it...I mean, I don't get it. I dated a white girl, and I got the "Couldn't you have at least got somebody ETHNIC!?!?!?!" look from black chicks...then I dated a few asian and hispanic girls and got the, "You think you are too good for black girls, huh..." look. Then I dated some light or mixed, (black and asian, black and hispanic), girls...then all the brown and dark girls are screaming, "LIGHT-SKINNED COMPLEX!!!" at me...


I can't win.

Then all my friends hate on my hair, so I cut it...then they all want to grow their hair out to try to make it look like mine did...even though it never will...my hair was fantastic...


oh well...

I guess I'll live.

Three Things...yeah I stole it, what!?!?!?

I know this isn't the first one you read, but oh well...


THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. Two extended length black tees
2. Black jeans
3. ...and my illustrious black and gray bapes...

THREE THINGS ON MY DRESSER
1. My keys
2. Eclipse Mints
3. Pocket change

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. Go to Japan
2. Have my own island
3. Have a great wife and kids...

THREE GOOD WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY
1. Witty
2. Humorous
3. Thoughtful

THREE BAD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
1. Sarcastic
2. Analytical
3. Harsh

THREE PARTS OF MY HERITAGE
1. African-American
2. 1/8th Irish
3. I'm Yellow!!!
THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. Hair
2. Face
3. Eyes
THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. Butt...(I'm a man...it isn't suppose to be this big...)
2. Chin...it's too small
3. Eyebrows...but I don't wax them...

THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME
1. That I talk differently to certian people that I think can't understand my vocabulary or wouldn't appreciate it...
2. I don't go out of my way to talk to women
3. I'm shy

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST
1. "...for real?
2. "Are you Serious?!?!?!"
3. "You. Are. Retarded."

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
1. Paris
2. London
3. Tokyo

THREE NAMES THAT I GO BY (other than normal name)
1. Chris
2. C.J. (Family and super-close inner circle family friends call me that.)
3. Christopher James (only one young lady calls me that.

THREE SCREEN NAMES I HAVE HAD
1. FoSho2405
2. CapnPimp2213
3. blazesandstorm

The Look...

I'm not quite sure what it is, how I got it, or how or where it was developed...but I have this look...

No, I'm not America's Next Top Model, and it isn't even about aesthetics...It's just the way I look at women. I mean, I don't demean them at all, but when I'm interested, I have a way of looking at them: I just don't understand it. I just figured out this weekend that I have this "power". I mean, it's actually kinda hilarious. I just look into their eyes...and if I'm into their eyes, I kind of let there eyes wrap themselves around my essence until they trust me, and they start to feel warm inside. How do I know that they get all warm inside you ask??? They start to tug at their shirts like they aren't quite sure of what type of material it was made from, or like they are trying to rub something off their fingertips gently...It's the oddest thing to see. It reminds me of when James Bond talks to Moneypenny or something...

Now, if there is female that is reading this that I know personally...I doubt if I ever gave you all the look...and more than likely, you will NEVER see it, (unless you just so happen to see when when I shoot it at another woman...).

I mean, I know pretty much who reads this site...but anyway, don't ask me to do it. I can't really do it on demand...it's just something that happens...like photosynthesis.

Weird, huh?

I'm not too sure of anything...

Really now, do you expect any different anymore???

I think women are a distraction.

No...women ARE a distraction. I mean, they are fantastic and all, but now it is just getting ridiculous. Every single time I go ANYWHERE with ANYONE, there are at least 2.8 women that I know out, and they just miss me so much...yeah right...I really don't get it...it must be the whole "summer love" thing...


Aside from that, everything else is cool. Work is fine, my benefits are cool...I think I'm going to get the lasik surgery in a month or so...I just bought some new sneakers, a watch, some shirts, a jacket, and a cell phone...It's a throwback Nextel, but I got it for a steal!

Man, I'm not sure what else to say...I'm becoming more of a brother to one of my childhood friends, Richard. He's a good guy, he just needs some one to talk to...his father treats him kinda bogus...asked him if he wanted some condoms for prom...why would you ask your son that??? I mean, even if he NEEDED them, you think that he wants to talk to his father about that sort of thing? I mean, that's cool if you have that type of relationship with your dad, but he doesn't. That doesn't add up to me, but maybe it isn't suppose to...

This is Goofy...

I mean, I said last time I was swearing off the wife search, but why now three women from my immediate past pop up, and the girl I met at the restaurant down the street from my house wants to go out this Saturday...a girl I worked with at CLC wants to go out Sunday after church...I don't get it. I'm starting to really believe that women are just a big distraction...I mean, me and Lanese are cool, Kristen and I are pretty good friends...I'm cool, I guess. I don't know. This is just the wackiest thing, dealing with women. I mean, I LOVE WOMEN, but I don't like not knowing how to react sometimes. I know I may come off as this super brilliant guy to most of the women I talk to, sometimes I just don't know how to explain the emotions that make me feel like a dufus. Whatever...

Diary of a Mad Milk Man...

You have noticed that as of late, I haven't been blogging lately. I mean, it is more than the fact that I have been busy...and it is even more than the fact that I no longer work at the College of Last Chance...I just haven't wanted to. I mean, I am a pretty open person, and I am willing to share myself with people, but I haven't felt the need to. I have been feeling a great mixture of emotions as of late, and I don't quite understand what they all mean. I have pretty much given up on the Wife Search for now...even if I find or have found her, I probably couldn't handle her right now, and even if I could handle her in my life, I'm not sure if I know how to handle a woman in my life anymore. Then trying to figure out if a girl/woman really actually appreciates you the same way you appreciate her without getting your feelings hurt is a greatly unnecessary hassle...I don't quite know anymore. The more life I live, the more I come to understand that I really don't know anything. Most of my knowledge is relative, and even with that, I am questioning my own sense of "absolute truths". I'm not questioning God, and I am not questioning my own sexuality or anything like that, but still...Things that I thought that I knew how to decipher are coming back with confusing results. I need a vacation. From life. Like a sort of way to pause my own existence, and learn new things...relax, and then unpause exactly where I left...not losing any time. My poetry is flowing pretty well....I am seeming to grow spiritually...my bond with my male friends is growing exponentially...I should be happy, right?













Then Why Aren't I Happy???

Educational Technology Specialist

Now, what do you think this post is about? Yes, it is about my job at the College of Lake County. No, it is not my position, but the position of my "supervisor". He is soooo good at his job that he shows up whenever he wants to...he fantasies about underage girls, and he also plays favoritism when it is convenient. He is the worst person, as far as skill is concerned, at his position. He is lazy, completely inefficient, and a wuss...

Now, why am I bad mouthing this guy like this? Simply because he chose to dodge responsibility for his actions, and it just so happens that one of my friend's is the dean of this campus. He ignores responsibility of his actions, and of his lab assistants. Now, today he chose to b***h me out about it, and I wasn't feeling it...so I told him about himself. Now, am I worried that I will get fired for it? Possibly. But not before I take him down with me...

Retarded People

Most of you all know by now that I work part-time at a community college here in Waukegan. I have complained on numerous occasions about people acting all retarded in my labs...this is the kicker though....

Today, a Black co-worker of mine who is in the lab on his off-time is complaining to me about the printer. He is saying how I should be doing my job, and I should be in the room at all times so he can print. Now, normally speaking, this is all well and fine, but he doesn't really know what my job is here. See, I get paid more than he does. A considerable amount more. So, with that, I have more responsibility...There is always more than one lab open, and there is always one lab assistant for each lab. Being the fact that I get paid more, I have to do more stuff...all he has to do when he is here is monitor the lab that he is sitting in...that's it. Meanwhile, I have to monitor the lab, open and set up multiple classes, and troubleshoot for the classes in session. I have a walkie-talkie. Not him. He thinks that I have it SO easy...whatever. Then I tell him what the problem is, and he gets all whacked out on me, complaining that I am wrong, and he is right. First off, I've been here longer than him...Second, I have taken two years worth of CompSci classes...of the Engineering sort...I think he might be a general studies major...Third, this has happened before, this current printer problem, and now it is doubled with a whole new problem...so it isn't as easy as clearing a paper jam...Forth, if every time you print, the paper jams, wouldn't you think it was much more than an alignment problem? I guess not...maybe I am the retarded one...

I doubt it.

The Hottest Milk Man Ever?

Yeah, I know I did a post about the #1 Milk Man...this is still along the same line as that:


Me and my new driver, Jim, were joking around about the whole best milk man ever thing...and then he tells me that I'm the hottest milk man ever...

No, it's not some sort of homo-thing, it's just that these women keep flirting with me, and their advances are not ones that I wish to entertain. Now I know that beauty is only skin deep, and don't judge a book by its cover, but still...I mean, one lady is like, 48 years old, and she smokes weed...plus she has a son older than me. Aside from all that, she isn't really my type. You have to be at least somewhat attractive to me.

Yet and still, even though I have never given these women any sort of idea that I am interested in them, they continue to call me "baby" and "sweetheart" all the time. It's even at the point now where they are giving us free coffee and free soft drinks to us every time we go. My driver is trying to get me to flirt more often so we can get free sandwiches, but I don't think I want to entice these ladies at all.

Then, yesterday I went to lunch with my friend Richard, and I met a girl at the restaurant. It was the funniest thing. I was looking at the menu, trying to decide what to order, and she is just staring at me. I thought I had something in my nose...then she blurts out, "...So, is it nice outside?" I'm like, "...uuUhh, not really. I mean, its not warm enough to leave my coat off..." And then from there we had a little small talk. I didn't think too much of it, then she sat at the table next to us...eating on "her break"...so, I'm just like, whatever...then she starts asking me questions during the breaks between me and Richard's conversation. It was so obvious that she wanted to talk to me, but Richard was trying to "talk" to her. Eventually I talked to her about church, and she sounded interested in going, so I gave her the address to my church...and then she gave me her phone number...she said she was going on a 8 day cruise, and when she got back, she'd go to church with me...

I don't quite know how to take that...

Understanding...

Yes, I know by now y'all are tired of me going all deep on you, but I can't help it:


Understanding. It is something often reached for, but never quite grasped. The problem with my generation is the "IKE" mentality. Meaning, I Know Everything...don't trip, I even fall into this category myself, that's why I find this epiphany so ironic. Once we come into "our own" as far as knowledge is concern, we tend to lend a deaf ear to those who have wisdom on situations that you are approaching. So instead of attaching yourself to that wise individual, and soaking up their tutelage, you slight them, and turn away. The worst part about it is that we treat God the same way...he cracks open the window of Revelation, and we now think we are omniscient...he gives us one-seventh of one percent of his understanding to stand on, and we think that we can see the future of the whole world...

I'll leave you with this: Consider yourself a coin, and consider God a hand. Place the coin in your hand. Now make a fist over that coin...when you feel like your troubles are surrounding you, and you can't breathe because everything is getting too close and too tight, that is just God making a fist around you so he can fight your battles for you. You are more than a conqueror...and God always holds you in his hand. Even when you walk away, he still has your back, and he still loves you.


I hope that helps someone because it has helped me.

Take care Y'all!