This is an embarrassment to black culture...but it is still funny to look at...
 

Yeah...this is waiting for me in a few years... 

My Other Site

I have another site that is dedicated to the things that I enjoy.  Some of the stuff you may have heard of, some of it you may not have heard of...but you still may want to check it out...

 
http://trysomethingnew.blogspot.com

Not so bad after all...

I have my state id, and my social is in the mail...along with my new debit card.  Ahhh...relief.  Well, I'm really hoping that this third job I'm trying to get pans out.  If it does, it will mean a debt-free lifestyle by October.  That's really good.  I've noticed that I'm learning something new all the time now.  Even with what I say and do; I'm learning from that stuff also.  I guess I should have learned how to do that a long time ago, but hey, I still learned it.  The girl who works next door is starting to talk to me more and more...I guess she finally figured out that I'm not trying to get with her, so she loosened up some...oh well.  Oh yeah, her name is Julie...I just didn't want to say, "some girl."  I thought that would have been bogus. 

Hey

I'm doing well, considering the circumstances...I lost my wallet the other day, and replacing the missing items can be difficult.  But I will be ok.  Other than that, not to much is on my mind right now...I guess I'll write something in later.

I really don't like working two jobs...

I have two jobs.  It really isn't fun.  I'm tired all the time, and sleepy all the time.  I don't get time to just rest and relax...plus the pay isn't all that hot.  But I'm working.  I'm healthy.  I'm alive...those are things to be thankful for...Sometimes it can be hard to put a positive spin on things; but if you always focus on the negative, you will be down all of the time.  That REALLY isn't healthy.  Oh well...another day, another dollar.  Another chance to fulfill your purpose. 

 
I lost my wallet...doesn't that suck?  I don't know where it is.  More than likely, I sat it down after the last purchase I made, and no one said anything to me about it.  There was only ten dollars in my wallet at the time, and if someone has it, they never bothered to use my debit card...but that is a good thing.  Now I need a new social security card, and a new state id...I'll be fine.  At least I didn't lose a lot of money.

It could be worse...but it isn't.  So I'm happy.

You'll never even guess what happened last night...

Well, I left here (CLC) last night at around five...went in to my other job at Dollar General and worked until ten.  I was "suppose" to ride home with a co-worker of mine named Donna...but her car was being driven by her boyfriend that night, his name was Bernie, or Benny, or something... Anyway, whatever his name is, he was drunk.  Not buzz drunk, like superhero drunk.  You know, like if someone told him that he'd get special powers if he was drunk, so he put forth effort to achieve the level of drunkardness that he was at...so yeah, he was drunk.  When we got outside she told him to get in the other seat...meanwhile, he is fascinated by me.  He said, "Who's the nigger?  Wow, you're a big nigger!  Nigger, nigger, nigger...etc.  I heard the word so much, that I wasn't even mad.  I just felt bad that his life was so pathetic that he had to do that to feel better.  I just hope that they are ok...her and her dumb boyfriend.  The thing that got me though, you would've thought I woulda jumped on this man, and killed him for acting like that.  But I didn't.  I didn't like it, but I wasn't enraged...
I guess my temper is getting better...

I'm still here...

Work is still boring...I have this nice poetry book...it's kinda cool.  I've read about two of the poems as of yet, and they were nice.  Her name is Harryette Mullen.  Well that's about it.  Oh, yeah...I got into an argument with this CRAZY old woman about "her printouts."  On the computer monitor it clearly states that anything printed out is twenty-five cents per page, if it is not for homework; meaning College of Lake County homework.  She printed out about eighty pages, and I did not let her have them.  She became hostile, and refused to pay.  She wanted to take them, and said that they were "hers."  I politely told her the rules again, and she yelled at me again.  So I called security.  I don't make enough money to put up with that foolishness...She needs to either get a computer and printer of her own, or go to Kinko's.  I bet they would take her crazy butt to jail if she put on a show like that at Kinko's...but this isn't Kinko's.  And the security officer isn't the police... Oh well.

Yeah, I still think most people make no sense at all; including myself.

Yeah, so nothing much different today.  I'm at work, this guy that I don't know keeps asking me questions; the guy who is a fake computer nerd.  Other than that...I'm ok.  It seems like no matter how old you get, there is always someone older that talks to you like you are stupid.  I don't get it.  Is you life THAT empty where you have to boost your own self-confidence by putting me down?  Do you know how hard it is for me to NOT say anything "smart" and make THEM look stupid for their own statements?  But that is not right: me putting them down will not bare any positive fruit into either of our lives.  So, what's the point, right?  Yeah, but it's still difficult to hold yourself back.  I guess in the long run, I'll learn something good from this.  

Back Again for the First Time...

Yeah, I know I haven't written anything in a few days...So what?  Not much has changed since the last time I wrote.  I'm getting more hours at Dollar General.  That's cool, I guess.  It's a job; I don't like it, but they are paying me...so I guess it's just motivation to find something better.  I think I'll have my license fines paid off pretty soon.  That's cool...then I can try and find a job that isn't on the bus route.  I don't think that I'm going to be talking to as many girls as I usually do anymore.  It just clogs my stream of consciousness... and that isn' t good at all.  I make myself look "girl crazy" on this site; that is not the representation that I want to have.  I'm suppose to be moving in to adulthood...that can't include the mismanagement of my priorities.

yeah...I'm still writing...

Well, today is cool; besides the fact that I was late this morning...I stopped at McDonalds to pick up a drink, and secretly see if my co-worker Claudia was there.  I was waiting in line, and I didn't see her, and then she breezes in around the corner...it was well, amazing.  Okay, I sound really cheesy, but she glowed; even in her uniform.  Well, she went up to the counter, and asked me to come over.  I placed my order, and she rang it up...it was about half the price that it should have been...she gave me a discount.  I wanted to tell her that she did have to, or ask her why, but I also didn't want to get her into trouble.  So, I just kinda looked like, "Huh?" and she knew...She said she was going to come see me after work.  I'm kinda excited.  That's so dumb of me to be excited, but I am.  I went to high school with her, and never knew her...funny, huh?  I guess not...but yeah, she's coming to see me today.  Other than that, there isn't much on my mind.  Except for maybe Kristen still...I still think that she thinks that I'm weird.  She doesn't necessarily say anything to me of that nature, but she seems like she does.  Maybe again, maybe again it's just me.  oh well...I gotta go, she's IMing me...later.

Dang, why do I think so much...

Sometimes I wonder why my mind rambles about so much. It's like one big never ending loop of mental inventions that never become solidified, due to the whole migration of thought. It's weird. I have dreamed up at least five different innovations/inventions, and they can't be realized due to the lack of fiscal opportunity in my life. So many poems that can last for at least a ten minute flow that is never transpired into written prose. I guess that's why I like using this whole "blog" thing. It's actually quite clever, the whole idea of sorts...I just hope it doesn't get bogged down with adware/spyware and pop-ups like most free pages do...I'm really starting to come into the man I will be for the rest of my life; I just don't want to have an existence that is not what is planned for me eternally. I bet whoever reads this thinks I'm really trying to be extra deep...Sorry, I'm not. I can be very shallow at times...Not a lot, but I can be...

My ex is so filled with bitterness and anger, even now, a whole year after we broke up. I can't understand why she is still holding on to the pain. Doesn't she know that keeping in pain makes you hardened and old? I mean, she tells everyone that we both know how happy she is, and I really hope she is happy. I just don't want her to be all bitter. Nothing fruitful is going to come out of holding on to that stuff...I just hope that she is going to be okay.

Prototype. I use to think that I wanted to be with the "prototype" like what Andre 3000 refers to...But then I realized something. A prototype is just a "rough draft" of an invention. Doesn't have all the kinky worked out yet. I think I've been through at least two prototypes already...I want the finished product; or at least a beta version...

"she Anita even got to have a big ole' booty, you know, just sometime' well-proportioned. You know, a nice little tail..."
-Andre' 3000

Yes, this is still the same day...

I met some girl/woman named sheeka...what kind of ghetto name is Sheeka?  I guess it's not HER fault.  Anyway, she was cool.  Not necessarily my regular type, but she seemed nice.  I don't even have anything profound to say today...You would think that I would, but not really.  My head still hurts, just not as bad.  I miss the attention I use to get from having a girlfriend...I mean, I don't even want one right now; I think.  I just miss the attention.  It was nice to have someone who thought you were the world...maybe I need a pet.  I doubt it.  Maybe it is a longing for companionship...I'm not quite sure.  Whatever it is, it'll pass.  It usually does.  This happens about every seven weeks...I saw Mean Girls today.  It's a pretty good movie.  Not laugh out loud funny, but humorous.  I did enjoy it though...oh well...my boss is crazy.  He keeps drooling over the hispanic and filipino girls...it's kinda funny, but it isn't.  They are all like, 20, and he is about 41...you do the math.  Anyway, I guess I'll go home and cut the grass...
 
yep!

Yeah, part two...

Thursday, July 15 2004
11:48am

Well, not too much else has happened in the couple of hours that have passed...this kid keeps talking to me on Tuesday and Thursday at work, and I don't know his name...I almost feel bad. Then again, I don't think he ever told me his name...anyway, that's whatever.

As far as I'm concerned, dating should be outlawed until you take a mental capacity test to prove you are stable enough to entertain a romantic relationship...otherwise, someone WILL get hurt, and then in turn, become damaged. Then, a GOOD person meets them, and they shy away because they don't want to get hurt...it can be very frustrating.

More and more I'm starting to become more aware of the sexist, negative images portrayed in the entertainment industry; especially when it comes to portraying blacks. All black people in a mainstream movie are either rappers, athletes, dancers, thugs, or just stupid. Then, in all black movies, or a movie that has the "urban" audience in mind always has some storyline that circles around one of three topics: Some guy either having problems with/trying to get with/trying to fool some female, or some angry black man out for justice/revenge/his own will, or a group of random black people at go through stupid, unrealistic stuff that is SO funny...Don't get me wrong, there are a few exceptions, but not many.

Why are ALL videos filled with women with ten percent of there clothes on? That is so degrading.

Why can't people just be honest with there feelings?
I feel like Jada right now...
"Why?"

Be back tomorrow...

Well, here you go...

Thursday, June 15 2004
8:41am

This morning is a little too uncomfortable for me...My head hurts, my contacts are acting up, and I'm REALLY sleepy...but other than that, all is well...

I guess I'm starting to admit to myself that I over think things...it could be worse. I just don't quite know what direction I want to go in life: I've been standing at this crossroad for a while now, and I'm still not fully decided on which way to go. Neither would be bad, but I just want to fulfill my purpose.

I talked with my "lil sis" Kim two nights ago. It was a great conversation, lasted about two hours...but the way it ended made me worry. She seems like she could become attracted to me, and that would be TOO weird. I mean, she's great and all, but she's sixteen, I'm twenty-one. No matter how nice she is, there is nothing that is going to close the gap of any type of compatibility except for time. So that door will be definitely closed for at least three years.

Last night I talked to Kristen. It was pretty nice. The longest conversation by far at a resounding twenty-four minutes...numbers are funny. They show you meaning in ways that you can overlook; or maybe I'm just over thinking...anyway, yeah the conversation was nice. We actually got past the facade of small talk into a slightly deeper realm of feelings. Even though feelings are only a way of your flesh trying to override your spirit, they can sometimes be used to help you understand. Sometimes they even trigger different ideas...I don't know...well, I do. It is just the way you work. If you aren't in control of yourself, feelings can suppress rational thought. You should know by now how you operate; at least to some extent...I'll be back shortly...

Wednesday, July 14 2004
8:42am
 
This really sucks big time...I stayed up until about three o'clock talking on the phone, and now I have the biggest headache...What is it about cute girls that makes me not want to give time to rest? I guess that is a revelation I'll have to wait for. Anyway, not too much new. I'm sitting next to this cute girl that I talk to on occasion, and the conversation between us is dying. I guess we are just on two different playing fields...or whatever that means. I may just sit here all day and collect money...or go out and pop off some cds...I haven't quite decided yet. My head does really hurt. I have noticed that when I listen to instrumentals, I can freestyle better than my written stuff...I guess it's easier to be witty on the move. I really don't know what to say to this girl...she is all of eighteen, and has the depth of a wading pool. Being cute can only take you so far with me...I'm whining right know, aren't I? I guess so. I had a decent conversation with Tiffany last night...she seems kinda...I don't know, quiet? Just kinda chill...which is refreshing, yet she lacks social skills...I mean, she's not much of a conversationalist...she's cool, but it would be hard to get her to talk, but I think that she needs too. She seems like she's been damaged, like every other female ages 15-26. I'll try to be her friend, and see where that takes me...I guess that's it for now...Two fingers, like a playa...