Well, here you go...

Thursday, June 15 2004
8:41am

This morning is a little too uncomfortable for me...My head hurts, my contacts are acting up, and I'm REALLY sleepy...but other than that, all is well...

I guess I'm starting to admit to myself that I over think things...it could be worse. I just don't quite know what direction I want to go in life: I've been standing at this crossroad for a while now, and I'm still not fully decided on which way to go. Neither would be bad, but I just want to fulfill my purpose.

I talked with my "lil sis" Kim two nights ago. It was a great conversation, lasted about two hours...but the way it ended made me worry. She seems like she could become attracted to me, and that would be TOO weird. I mean, she's great and all, but she's sixteen, I'm twenty-one. No matter how nice she is, there is nothing that is going to close the gap of any type of compatibility except for time. So that door will be definitely closed for at least three years.

Last night I talked to Kristen. It was pretty nice. The longest conversation by far at a resounding twenty-four minutes...numbers are funny. They show you meaning in ways that you can overlook; or maybe I'm just over thinking...anyway, yeah the conversation was nice. We actually got past the facade of small talk into a slightly deeper realm of feelings. Even though feelings are only a way of your flesh trying to override your spirit, they can sometimes be used to help you understand. Sometimes they even trigger different ideas...I don't know...well, I do. It is just the way you work. If you aren't in control of yourself, feelings can suppress rational thought. You should know by now how you operate; at least to some extent...I'll be back shortly...