No Fun Pictures today...

Honestly, I don’t know what to write about today…it’s been an interesting week already. People are falling out of trees with heavy information lately…I don’t know how to take it all the time; it makes me feel…burdened. I have no problem being a willing ear, but these aren’t problems that they have with me, but the problem that they are not with me…now don’t get me wrong, I’m no pimp/player/womanizer/miser…but it’s just funny. I don’t want to sound like Mike Jones…so I won’t. But, with everything in life, timing is everything. People don’t always work from the same clock…and it shows. It brings disharmony to life, love, and lucidness. Honestly, I don’t know if I can deal with it anymore. One is going to have to go, and it must be the one that causes me the most discomfort…I don’t want to be an ass, but I know that’s how I’m going to seem. If they are reading this please note:


I AM EXTREMELY SORRY THAT THINGS DID NOT WORK OUT FOR US. I’M GLAD YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU FELT FOR ME, BUT IT IS REALLY TOO LATE. I CAN’T GO BACK TO YOU. I CAN’T. IT ISN’T THE BEST SITUATION FOR ME. PLEASE TRY TO UNDERSTAND.

I mean, did I have something for her, yes I did. Did I mean what I said, yes. But I can’t set myself up again to be disappointed. That’s why I need to move on. It hurts, but mainly because I can’t tell her without being an ass. I grew by leaps and bounds in that relationship…I became more patient, understanding, kind, caring, loving, receptive…but I also endured some of the most painful emotions in my life. I can’t have that; I can’t live in a relationship that gives me that. That isn’t healthy, and it won’t stimulate growth for me. She was and is a good person; I just hope she is able to take what I’m saying the right way. I gave her my heart, and she stabbed it with a plastic butter knife until it went through me…I’ve been stitched up, and I’m healing…but I can’t allow her to do it again…this would be the fifth time. It can’t happen again, and it won’t…it won’t. I can’t do that because I have respect for myself, and I love myself, so I need to do what is best; for myself.

What did she do that hurt me so bad? Lots. I could fill pages of things…and it really isn’t the point, because I allowed myself to go through it. Was that smart? No. But the thing is, I didn’t know if I could get anything better. I didn’t know if I deserved anything better…I mean, she wasn’t Lucifer, but the things she did…if I told you…you would hate her for it.

The thing is, I’ve always been rejected…especially when it was someone I really liked or cared for. So what did I start doing? I would reject them before they had a chance to reject me…I became an asshole, then I got fat…after that, I became nicer…developed a better personality, and I became a better person…but I was still getting rejected. I didn’t know what to do. It really hurts, you know? It hurts when someone tells you theoretically, “You are the most intellectual person I’ve ever met, you make me feel like I can do anything, you make me feel beautiful, you…but I can’t have you as my man…but I’m going to continue to treat you like you are until someone else I think is better shows up, then I’m off with him.” It makes you feel like shit. So when this chick came along…she made me feel like I was worth a damn…then she did the same thing. Three times…with the same person. So it was like I was back in the same circle of problems that I had before. Now I know people always tell you that it takes oh so long to get over a person…but my feelings had nothing to do with her, but with me. The rejection issue has been with me for as long as I can remember. The difference is, now I realize a few things.


People will always disappoint you.
Never trust what you hear until it can be displayed by what you see, then allow it to be defined by what you feel.
At the end of the day, all you have is God and yourself.

That sounds cold, but it’s the truth. Now I’m not saying never trust anyone, if you listen to your inner voice, it won’t steer you wrong, but generally speaking, everything in that list is true, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you won’t be as hurt or taken advantage of. The sooner you won’t be disappointed. The quicker you can heal…


I can love, I will love, and I am love. That has never left, and it never will. I feel I’m a better person than I was; and for that I thank that person I was with…Everything happens for a reason I guess, and I think I’m finally starting to understand that reason. I hope she does too.

Be Safe or Be Smitten...