More than Words

Yeah, you know you liked that song...but what's with the dude reading the magazine in the video?

Anyway, between watching X-Files - I Want to Believe, Righteous Kill, and Love Guru I started to realize something...I'm better than my coworkers. Now, don't take that the wrong way, I mean, I am better at doing the job than they are, but that's not what I'm talking about right now...I'm talking about the fact that I am better than this. I'm better than this situation. I'm better than what they have committed their lives to...to this. Not that this is a horrible job, but they cleave to this sense of superiority, and try to subject me to their snickering and salaciousness...but I have no reason to respond...I don't.

Not that they are all out attacking me in any way, they aren't; but I can hear them when they talk, make remarks...and before it would've bothered me...but not now. I don't have time for them or what crawls from the crevice on their face that they call a mouth. I'm done...and it makes me feel good.


...but I will miss all the great downloading fun I had here though, the movies, software, CDs...it's been awesome, and trust, I'm gonna milk them for all they are worth!


Be Safe or I'll steal your Bandwidth!

Hello Monday

How YOU doin'?



I'm gone in two weeks.


...gone to NJ? Not that I know of yet, but that is when my job is over that I'm currently working. Possibly three.


Am I scared? Surprisingly, no. I have a sort of peace...and I am fine with the way things are playing out right now...I mean, I know I can't control every aspect of my life, nor am I suppose to. I'm just going.

I'm waiting to hear from the big V, and I'm getting excited. I'm sure that they are going to make me an offer, it's just a matter of...when. I'm sure they will soon.

As for me, I'm excited about making more money, starting something new, and starting somewhere fresh. I'm excited about working on buying a home, and also I'm excited about starting the rest of my adult life...I'm happy.

I'm happy that I have peace, I'm happy that I have a better relationship with my parents...and I'm happy that I know where I stand with everyone I care about.


It's a dope feeling...and I hope it never goes away.



Be Safe or Be Smitten.

At least it's Friday

I know I was in a funk yesterday, and as soon as I inhaled the air outside the office, most of it lifted...the rest was gone after I talked to my gf and my mom about it...I guess I've just recognized the fact that I tend to take a negative path when I get worried about something, and because that's all I think can happen, that's all I ALLOW to happen. I can't think negative or I'll be negative.


Honestly, that's the easiest thing to think, because it requires no action on your part for it to happen. Essentially, for the negative to come to pass, you have to lack the unction to press beyond that reality into the one that was waiting for you all along...you just had to recognize and accept it...and accepting it is what is so difficult. Whether you are accepting a new way of living or even a new way of looking at something, if you didn't come up with it, you can reject it without even trying. Without even knowing if it's right, wrong, or even useful. You have to understand that illumination of your situation can come from the most unlikely source...and it will keep being told to you from different sources until you choose to accept it...and if you don't accept it, you will remain in the state that you are in.


So what am I saying? I guess I'm saying don't be so difficult. Don't be so closed off that you can't accept new information, new ideas, new ways of looking at something or someone. More often than not, when you are in a bad situation, it's for a reason...sometimes you just need to realize something, sometimes you just need to do something that you have neglected...sometimes you have to just accept the fact that you cannot control everything, and even if you could, you would still be miserable.


"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

-Matthew 6:34



Be Safe or Be Smitten

Better...

Somewhat...I have a slight headache...and I feel...closed off. Like I'm emotionally shutting down, but other that the annoying lazy negro chick I work with, there isn't anything that is causing me to question my sudden burst of me being mean.

I love being in love, I am happy about the job possibilities with Verizon...I'm happy about having my housing lined up...but, for some reason, it's like I'm forcing myself to not be happy.


I just admitted to someone yesterday that I'm not use to things 'working out', to things going for my benefit...and maybe sub-consiously I'm trying to sabotage myself emotionally...I don't know. I don't hate myself, and I don't hate my new opprotunity...I'm not getting it...I just don't understand it. I don't. I don't know why I feel this way, and I'm tired of it...I'm tired of not being consistantly happy, so why am I so emotional right now?


I deserve happiness, and I'm finally I am...I don't get it.

The Rhinestones in my Flintstones look crazy in my Sweater

Yeah, I know I've talked about that song already, but that has to be one of the most entertaining verses in the past fifteen years...after all, that was like, twelve years ago now...ughhh, I feel old.




Anyway, my testing and my interview seemed to go well, so now I'm just playing the waiting game...and hopefully Big Verizon will be making me a healthy offer...

I'm kinda excited and nervous at the same time, which feels very strange...


I don't know...I don't really feel like posting today, I'm in a mood. I hope I feel better, and I'll try to post later...

Vindication

In short, I was right, and my lazy co-workers were wrong...my boss ran a report, and it showed that I took over 200 more calls than they did last month, and I worked eight hours less...that's kinda weird, isn't it?


In other news:


I have an interview/testing Saturday at Verizon in New Jersey...pretty exciting...I'm looking forward to it; I hope it goes well...I'm sure I'll pass the tests, I just hope that no one else in the group does as well as me...that'll make me look more impressive.

I don't have to much to say right now, but hopefully I will next week.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

DunkXchange 2008

Well, to say the least, it was eventful...I had a great time. I made money...I spent more...won some super exclusive kicks...an all around good time...




With the exception of every possible highway flooding and it taking us four hours to get there.




That was bad; but anyway, here are the pics:

Here is my table...



...and here's some other stuff:




















Here's some of what people were wearing that day...







Some b-boys:







Some crowd shots...






My purchases and the sneaks I won:







That about wraps it up...more picks available at the link below...

http://www.nicekicks.com/dunkxchange-chicago-event-recap/


Be Safe or be Smitten!

Is Love really all you need?

...it depends on what you're looking for, and what you are trying to accomplish. Is it all I need? Nope, it really isn't, but it's a good part of the equation.



It's much more than that; it's someone understanding and accepting you for who you are, and not for what you can accomplish. It's someone who doesn't mind helping you sort out your dreams, sift through your ideas, settle your nerves, and then stroke your ego. Someone that can stretch out their arm and help you up from your downfalls, someone that can make sense of your insanity, someone that knows you have to separate the puzzle pieces before you can put the big picture together effectively. Someone that knows, and if they don't, won't stop until they will. Won't stop because they care. Because they need you to do the same thing for them...

...that's all you need; and that's what I've found.


Be Safe or Be Smitten.

I guess I just feel like sharing today...

I'm in a caffeine induced haze right now...newly inspired to share every waking thought that sweeps through my mind. I need to share something with you, my internet natives:


I am in love with words.


Seriously...I am. It is a sick infatuation that is more than familiar with people that fraternize on the space that only exists in front of us... a fifteen inch HP L1506...and I suppose I'll continue to throw words on internet one letter of a time bludgeoning you with my opinions and ideas...just make sure you all keep up with the feedback; it helps.


I also need topics...I know I'm no Geoffrey Chaucer, but I need things to write about...so if y'all could get back to me with that, I would be most gracious.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Californication

...makes me remember that I want to be a writer. Not because the main character is messed up, but because it is the only way I can truly express myself and be heard. Everyone has a channel that they can be heard through, and mine may be through my Dell keyboard.

I want to change the world...even if it's just the world around me. The only way I see that happening is if some gracious benefactor gives me one million euros or ten gold bars and a nice laptop to scream out from the top of the theoretical mountain top...hand out my memorandum from my soapbox...from the internet. Helping people is cool, some I don't necessarily want to deal with the crazies face-to-face. I want to pick and choose the nuts the I have to crack.

I mean, I'm not saying that I'm insensitive, I just need my personal space; and that is something that I only want to share with my family and loved ones...I'm selfish that way...and we all should be. Whenever we start to let people in to that private space in our lives, we are vulnerable, and we shouldn't be vulnerable with everyone nor should we be giving away free admission to the theme park that explains our being. We have to keep part of ourselves hidden away in order to maintain some sort of sanity.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm starting to understand that my former childhood dream isn't really feisable, even though I've never explained it to anyone, and my new dream is changing every day...and I'm trying to be okay with that. The harsh realities of life can be overbearing at times...but it is what it is; you just have to kinda go with it. Adapt. Go with it, try to understand it, cope with it, pray about it, and learn from it. That's the best you can do; that's the best we can all do...except for the person with the gold bars and the one million euros...they do whatever it is they want.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

People

I don't like these people I work with...and honestly, if they both decide to skateboard on the sea floor of the Bermuda Triangle...I would throw a going away party for them. I think these have to be the laziest broads in history...and I'm trying to find a new job.


Why? Well, I have to, in short...and honestly, maybe I'll post about it at another time...I mean, they are really just stupid...generally speaking. They're talking about how much oxygen we lose by the foresters cutting down trees...



but most of the earth's oxygen comes from the photosynthetic process that the ocean's abundant plant plankton goes through...but I don't expect her to know that; I'm sure that most people don't...but it's just the fact that I'm on the phone and she is talking about something that has NOTHING to do with the job we are doing...and she's wrong. It's annoying. I hope they get fired...even though they probably won't...ughhh!


Help me.

Just to be clear...

...I wasn't addressing anyone directly. It's just, when I look at other people's blogs, and I read what they say, I try to understand, and if I have something constructive to say, I'll leave them a comment...but I get tired of reading bogus comments that others leave on my fellow bloggers' sites. It's not needed.

I mean, my family often asks me why I post stuff out here, and I've tried to let them know in my own way why, and I'm sure they understand...but when I was challenged about it from family, and a couple other people that I no longer entertain as peers, I was hurt...and maybe I don't have the right to be because this is a public site...maybe I'm too sensitive and I shouldn't look at it that way...I don't know.


...but what I do know is that I didn't like it. I didn't like the feeling I had when I was challenged on what I should post. It's just, sometimes, you need to talk...and you don't want someone to interrupt you while you are doing so...and that's why this is what it is...it's my mind flexing...my mind processing...it's a window into my mind. Just keep that in your thoughts when you read this, and it might put some perspective on what it is that I'm doing.


I just really want share what I have to say with someone, and hopefully it will help someone else...that's all.

Be safe, or be smitten.

Why I write here...

It's selfish; it's for my entertainment.


Because I want to.



It's cool that other people read it, and I enjoy their comments...and I enjoy reading their blogs too.


...but writing this stuff out here helps me. It gives me an avenue to get out my emotions...raw emotion more often than not; and while I'm typing it, I'm cycling through my feelings to really put words to what I'm processing...if that makes any sense.


I mean, I am unchallenged, I don't have someone staring at me, trying to pull something out of me...I'm pulling info from myself, and then I make myself accountable by sharing it with the world.


Does the world look at my blog? No...closer to about thirty to forty people a day...but I am none the less accountable because it is out there. It's in the open, and that...helps. It helps me feel like I'm not alone, it helps me feel like a part of a community.

Maybe this is stupid, maybe I'm stupid...but it's only stupid if you don't understand, and if you don't understand, then keep it to yourself...or ask...or be tactful. But don't ask me a question when you have your ideas already formed. Don't ask me questions about it if you don't really want to know...don't be judgemental...take this time to examine yourself:


Do you judge others with the same standards that you judge yourself with?

Are we the same person living the same life?

Do you have a way of handling your personal issues?


If the first answer is no, then you need to pray and figure that out...obviously we aren't the same person, and we aren't living the same life...so that one was a freebie...and if you have a way of handling your internal issues...should I judge them?

Should I judge you if you have a healthy avenue for handling the tugging heartstrings?


Do you have an outlet for your mental compost heap?


I'm sure you do...and just because mine is on the internet doesn't make it any better or worse than yours...think about that the next time you want to tell me what I should and shouldn't do with a space that isn't putting anything negative out there for people to do...a site that, if anything, could help someone with their lives...something that is lost in today's society...being introspective and holding oneself accountable for their own actions.


Be Safe or Be Smitten.

How?

...did my friend Jon manage to get TWO flat tires on ONE SIDE of the car? I don't get it...so he called and I went out there to help him. It was raining...cold...and dark; but he did tell me that he was in a Walgreens parking lot that was super bright,



so I thought that was good at least...right?



Wrong, those jokers turned the lights off right when we started the changing process. We changed one, but of course, no one has two spares...tried mine on the car he was driving, and that one didn't fit...so we called "roadside assistance". We thought they might be able to patch one of the tires possibly, so we waited for them to show up...they show up without a truck, without tools, just like, "We're here to change the tire." I don't get that...so I dropped him off at his house, and he took one of the other cars to his mom's house and got another spare...I had to go home, I was super tired and I couldn't do it anymore...then Jon called me this morning to tell me that the dude didn't even help him change the tire when he got there with the other spare! I don't even see the point of them showing up if they weren't going to do anything, do you?

I. Am.

Tired.


I don't know if it's because it's been raining since I woke up this morning, or if it's because I'm going home to an empty house, or if it's because my eyelids are burning...I need a nap.

I need something...something else. I don't know quite what it is, but I feel like something is missing. Like I can't see what it is right now, but I know I feel the lack.

I think it's a lack of rest. I have 24 minutes left of my work day, and I can't wait for it to be over...

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Oh what to tell...

Well, to say the least, Liz's visit was amazing. I really enjoyed having her here. She met my family, and they seemed to like her, so that's really good. It makes things a lot easier.


We had a fifteen minute marriage counseling session at church in front of my parents and random people that were standing in the room...that was insightful and intrusive all at the same time...it felt nice though...even though I didn't think I would. Now I'm just trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life.


As for what I've been doing since she left?





I've watched Season Two of Dexter





and Season Three and Four of Weeds




...that's all I have right now. I mean, the backlash of emotions that I go through whenever I leave her or she leaves me is incredible. This type of life can't go on that much longer...but I have to be responsible with my actions, so we'll see what the cerebral tide brings in with each day that passes.


Be Safe or Be Smitten.