Better...

Somewhat...I have a slight headache...and I feel...closed off. Like I'm emotionally shutting down, but other that the annoying lazy negro chick I work with, there isn't anything that is causing me to question my sudden burst of me being mean.

I love being in love, I am happy about the job possibilities with Verizon...I'm happy about having my housing lined up...but, for some reason, it's like I'm forcing myself to not be happy.


I just admitted to someone yesterday that I'm not use to things 'working out', to things going for my benefit...and maybe sub-consiously I'm trying to sabotage myself emotionally...I don't know. I don't hate myself, and I don't hate my new opprotunity...I'm not getting it...I just don't understand it. I don't. I don't know why I feel this way, and I'm tired of it...I'm tired of not being consistantly happy, so why am I so emotional right now?


I deserve happiness, and I'm finally I am...I don't get it.