Californication

...makes me remember that I want to be a writer. Not because the main character is messed up, but because it is the only way I can truly express myself and be heard. Everyone has a channel that they can be heard through, and mine may be through my Dell keyboard.

I want to change the world...even if it's just the world around me. The only way I see that happening is if some gracious benefactor gives me one million euros or ten gold bars and a nice laptop to scream out from the top of the theoretical mountain top...hand out my memorandum from my soapbox...from the internet. Helping people is cool, some I don't necessarily want to deal with the crazies face-to-face. I want to pick and choose the nuts the I have to crack.

I mean, I'm not saying that I'm insensitive, I just need my personal space; and that is something that I only want to share with my family and loved ones...I'm selfish that way...and we all should be. Whenever we start to let people in to that private space in our lives, we are vulnerable, and we shouldn't be vulnerable with everyone nor should we be giving away free admission to the theme park that explains our being. We have to keep part of ourselves hidden away in order to maintain some sort of sanity.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm starting to understand that my former childhood dream isn't really feisable, even though I've never explained it to anyone, and my new dream is changing every day...and I'm trying to be okay with that. The harsh realities of life can be overbearing at times...but it is what it is; you just have to kinda go with it. Adapt. Go with it, try to understand it, cope with it, pray about it, and learn from it. That's the best you can do; that's the best we can all do...except for the person with the gold bars and the one million euros...they do whatever it is they want.

Be Safe or Be Smitten.