I'm finally here!
It's offically done. I live in New Jersey. I got here about 8:00pm est...and I wasn't really tired...until now. I'm gonna shower, then hit the hay. I'll tell you about the adventure tomorrow, I promise!
...and it's horrible. I need to have movers next time for sure...I can't do this again. I have more to say, but I'm feeling distracted, so I may post it later...oh yeah...
I'M ENGAGED!!!
Be Safe of Be Smitten.
It's December 26th, and, well, I don't quite know what to do with myself. I had a good time with my family yesterday, but as we unwrapped our presents, I started to realize something...I'm leaving them. Bear with me here, I'm not crazy, but for whatever reason, while I watched my grandma's face light up with excitement as she gave her presents the once over, it hit me like a right cross. I love my family, and I am going to miss them terribly.
I'm going to miss them all. I'm going to miss watching 'The Rifleman' with my grandpa...(btw, I LOVE that show!!!), I'm going to miss eating breakfast on Saturday morning with my grandma while we watch QVC and PBS...talking about man stuff and just picking up gems of wisdom from my father...and watching my mother turn into a Wii fanatic.
The more time I spend with each and every one of them, I see a piece of me. I see what time, care, and love they have deposited in me throughout the time I have been with them. I see the mannerisms I've picked up, the habits, the quirks, facial expressions, or even my outlook on life at times. I know my family isn't perfect, and no one's family is...but it is MY family, and I love them. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly, my life with them has helped mold me into who I am one way or another...or they've helped me recognize parts of myself that isn't pleasant so I can change. I just feel an overwhelming love in my heart for each one of them, to the point that I want to pack them into a box, and take them to New Jersey with me...but I can't. I can't take them with me, but I can take what they have taught me, I can take the memories with me...and I can still call...but you can't give a hug through the phone, and if you wipe tears away with your cell phone you may hurt yourself....
It's just hard. I don't regret the decision to move, no matter how hastily I made it, but I...I just love them, and I don't want them to feel like I'm abandoning them, or I'm moving away from them. I love them so much...so much.
...I just feel like moving is something that I have to do right now in order for the rest of my life to start...and I know it isn't going to be easy, but it's something that I have to do right now.
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
I'm packing my life away, and I'm starting to realize how much stuff I have...or maybe I should say, how much I really DON'T have. I don't have nearly as much stuff as I thought. Besides sneakers and clothes, there isn't really much else...I'm selling my Crown Vic for $800, so if anyone out there knows someone or needs a car in the Chicago area...let me know!
...and I haven't really shopped for anybody yet. I'm gonna go next Wednesday when, hopefully, most people are at work still. I really don't like shopping in the crowds...it's very, very annoying.
Otherwise, I'm getting myself ready for the big move to NJ. I'm really looking forward to it, even though I will miss my family and friends here in the Chicago area.
It's just been a strange feeling...especially when people feel like I'm rushing into something. I'm really not, and if I am, well, I'll pay for it. I understand and appreciate concern, but just because you ask me the same question more than once doesn't mean my answer is going to change. There have only been a few things in my life that I have never felt a question with, and this is one of them...some things you just know, and I wish more people understood that.
Also, I'm trying to get some writing work for various blogs, so please keep me in your prayers!
I loves y'all, and as always,
Be Safe or Be Smitten!
It's my last day here in the NJ/PA area, and I'm starting to get sad...I really don't want to go home, but I have to. I have to get some things together first...and after that, I'm moving. But I didn't start this post to talk about that...I actually wanted to say that I feel perfectly fine moving here now. I mean, I felt alright about it before, but I still had some jitters about a few things...now though, I feel fine. Everything that I had an uncertinty about has melted away, and I know for sure that this place can be my home.
Am I going to miss my family? Of course I will, but in order for me to be the man that they have raised me to be, I have to move...I have to move into the rest of my life, so I can be the person I was born to be, and be there for my future wife and for my parents...I just hope they understand that.
Be safe or Be smitten.
Typing in from Maryland, I'm here at the in laws house...with all Liz's siblings and her parents...and I'm having fun. It's nice being around family...but it's making me miss my own. Even though it's never a big fiasco at my parents' house during Thanksgiving...it's my parents' house, and I miss them. I miss the movie watching, the xbox playing, the pie eating...I miss them and I love them...and I wish they could be here with me too; but I guess I can't have it all.
This is only the second time I've been completely away from my family for the holiday...I guess I just didn't realize how sad it would make me...I dunno. I'll be home for Christmas though.
Happy Thanksgiving to all...Hug your loved ones, and let them know how much you care about them. Have fun, and be safe...
...and don't overeat.
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
Maraude means to loot...in this case, I am looting for ears...or eyes. Whichever floats your fancy.
I can't sleep. It's my sinuses. They are on an ego trip right now, and I'm not enjoying the ride...I just want to close my eyes, and think happy thoughts until tomorrow...
Life never fails to give you delightful little mints of information about yourself and your surroundings. Things are always in the process of changing, so it's never good to get use to something...always be ready to adapt to the new, ever evolving reality. There are some constants, but the constants are things that you cannot control...like cops and jelly donuts, or beer and frat parties...or chardonnay and white women...but I digress. I guess what I'm saying is, if you don't allow yourself to be sucked into a reality that is ever changing with a mindset on understanding, you'll always be angry. Go into it looking for it to change, and you can't be surprised. Whether it's living situations, transportation, taxes, seasons, love, sadness, employment status, friendships, or music. Things change...and the sooner that becomes your reality, the sooner you'll be able to get over being disapointed.
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
I'm still here in New Jersey, enjoying my time with Liz, hanging out with her friends, seeing new parts of the state...hanging out with her family. I love being here. I know I'm not going to want to go home. The funny thing is, the times I enjoy the most are when we are doing stuff that really isn't that eventful. Like a couple of days ago, we sang songs with one another and laughed...it was one of the dopest moments I've ever had with anyone I've ever been with. I love shopping with her, running errands with her, taking care of her when she isn't feeling well, watching her sleep, helping her lace her sneakers...Fixing things for her...it may seem odd, but it's true.
I need to hurry up and move.
Be safe or be smitten.
So...I went to Franklin Mills yesterday out in Philadelphia...the mall looks retarded on the inside, but it seems to be my new shoe mecca out here on the east coast...it was super dope...but that is not what this post is about, this post is about the Tacoma Palmyra bridge that connects Philadelphia with New Jersey...Now the bridge was easy enough to find, but the streets around it were completely ridiculous. I mean, I know that all cities aren't set to a grid pattern, but does it have to resemble a hot wheels race track? I think the city planners were high on PCP when they mapped all this crap out...to say the least, which I think I will right now because I am sleepy, it was super frustrating. I am not a fan of the make-up of the streets out here, and I will be getting a navigation unit of some type when I move out here...
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
BTW...did I tell you that the Jordans there were on sale??? Yeah, on SALE. I couldn't believe it, they sold out within two days back home AND they had upcharges on them...here they didn't even charge me tax!
I'm back in NJ, and I can't sleep. Since I'm awake, I'm catching up on the episodes of Dexter I missed, and downloading more movies for my iPod. I miss the blog world, and I'm going to try to catch up with you all soon.
My flight went well, and I actually landed early. Liz picked me up and we went out to this place called Swanky Bubbles for dinner...it was really good...we had a dope time...but since she was tired, I drove home. It felt weird yet comfortable driving in New Jersey. I mean, as much as I complain about the makeup of their streets, at least they are smooth. I like being here...and I can already tell I'm not going to want to go home...but we will be spending the Thanksgiving holiday together, so that'll be nice...it's a lot to take in. I brought out an obnoxious amount of shoes out here for Liz, and I'm going to help her organize them tomorrow.
I know a while ago, I asked for this level of comfort with someone I care about, and in having it...it's quite peaceful. It is one of the dopest feelings I've ever had.
Love is Grand.
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
BTW: Kanye's new album is coming out next week, and from what I have heard off of it...it is definitely going to be interesting to see what people say about it.
...well, not me, but that's what my homeboy called to tell me one day. I like to call this the Uncle Ruckus' Mentality...
Dude is so amped to be white...I mean, it's really incredible to be honest. I love him, he's my boy, but he is just too in love with white people for me. Now I don't have anything against the white man per se. I appreciate the fantastic shopping malls they put together and the way they upkeep thier property...I appreciate what they offer creative society as far as music and literature...but come on. How can you have such a wack outlook on your own people to the point of embracing a society that did everything they could to tear you down as a people...I don't get it.
Does anyone else know someone like this?
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
I'm out surprisingly...I know, I never am...but I needed to grab a minute for an update for y'all. I'm at this cat J. Griff's house with Jon during a studio session...and since they are in the middle of a Cypher, I'm stealing some time on the computer to share what's been happening with me as of late:
- I HAVE UNEMPLOYMENT MONEY!!! I'm super happy that it came through for me; I needed it so much, I prayed about it, God came through...it was a super dope feeling.
- I'm going BACK to New Jersey on the 20th...for like 10 days again or so...I'm hoping a job will pan out from this.
- I love my family. At my low point, they came in to lift me back up, and I greatly appreciate everything that they did and they are still doing. I couldn't ask for anyone better to have my back.
- Jon is doing an impromptu performance at a Christian conference...and if he was able to rock a show at Denny's, I'm sure it's gonna be hot...this time he'll have a stage.
Until next time,
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
...but I'm gonna have to on Tuesday. I've really enjoyed my time here the past few days. Even though I don't have a whole lot of face time with her throughout the week, it's a lot more than what I would've had at home. I love being here...and I can't wait to move. I love my family, and I'll miss them deeply...and I'll miss Chicago...but this is truely where I need to be.
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
I'm still in New Jersey, and I'm enjoying myself thoroughly. Just got back from church today...two services. It was dope; I heard some stuff that I needed to hear...remembered some stuff that I thought.
...I haven't forgotten you all though. Staying with Liz this long is definatly going to be interesting though. I haven't cohabitated with anyone before, definately not this long. It's cool though; but it's like a preview of what it could be like to be married to her. It's nice. I'm still waiting for a response to the job offer, but I was able to sell those Supras I won at the DunkXchange though...that was super dope. I don't have a whole lot to say tonight, but I'm sure I will in the morning.
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
So I flew out to New Jersey last night out of the blue...of course my flight was delayed, but the take off was spectacular. I'm gonna be out here until like, November 4th, so I'll have plenty of time to blog starting Monday.
BTW, still no word from the big V yet...
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
...for a few things. I'm not sure how often I'll be able to blog anymore due to the lack of internet at home...and for the fact I don't have a job after today...but other than that, I'm fine. Today is about the slowest day I've ever had...I've watched like, six episodes of Family Guy, a Paul Mooney comedy special, and random episodes of House.
...and don't think I'm not downloading as much as possible right now. I've loaded up my thumb drives...yeah, I said drives, with movies for my iPod. Hopefully, I'll be behind a computer soon so I can keep the checks rolling in...for those of you that pray, please keep me in your prayers, and I'll be back as soon as I can.
I'm waiting to see what the tide brings in.
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
I have nothing else to do...enjoy!
"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"
"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."
"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."
"I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs."
"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."
"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set."
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
-Mitch Hedberg
For real, this sucks...but it's funny listening to him trying to sound like the people that are really on the track...check it out if you dare:
http://www.zshare.net/audio/1899438976dbcfa5/
Here is the real one if you've never heard it before...I know it isn't an official video, but it is entertaining...
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
One and a half days left before the big kiss off with the company I'm working at now. It's cool though, I understand; I mean, it does make me feel more justified with all the liberties I've been taking with this job as of late...because, honestly, it is completely ridiculous to look forward to going to work so I can watch an episode of Dexter I missed because I don't have Showtime...
But life is funny that way. I just watched 'The Wackness' here at work...it was pretty good. I found the Sundance submittance dvd online...basically it was about the summer of a lower middle-class 17 year old Jewish boy that went to school with rich kids set in the mid '90's...btw did I mention he's a weed dealer that loves A Tribe Called Quest and Biggie? It talks about his first crush, first real kiss, first time, first heartbreak...basically everything you go through from 15-18...but for him, it all happens over one summer. It was a dope film, and if you are into indie flicks, I suggest you check it out.
I'm not going to go into how I related to him in some way, but really...anyone can find parallels in their own lives when they were around that age...and the soundtrack really helped, because when I went through some of that stuff, that was the music that I was listening too...
I guess I am going to relate this to me...there is this one quote in the movie that goes something like this:
"Know what your problem is, Shapiro? It's that you just have this really $hitty way of looking at things, ya know? I don't have that problem. I just look at the dopeness. But you, it's like you just look at the wackness, ya know?"
I mean, it's not a deep quote, but it is so true...no matter how hard I try, I focus on the wackness...and there is no point in doing so. I mean, with all the dope stuff going on around me, and all the dope stuff that I have experienced...why not focus on the dopeness? The wackness will happen, and it can't be stopped, but if it's focused on, you'll lead a miserable life. Gotta strive for the dopeness...
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
I know it's been a while since I've blogged about something for longer than a couple of lines...so my last ten minutes at work are going to have to hold you over for a while.
Just to start off, I never heard of this movie before I downloaded it today, and it's slow...like independent film slow...but overall it has a good ending...
...what's the point of what I just said? The movie is about Faith; and that's been my biggest deal for the past few weeks.
Faith in the fact that I will have permanent employment somewhere, faith that everything will be ok, faith in the fact that I am currently making the right decisions, faith in myself...Faith in God. It can be tough. Essentially you are believing in something that you can't prove physically...and even though I see the physical evidence that God exists, some don't...and that's what the movie was about. The guy in the movie, Luke Wilson, did not believe...even until the end...and even though I do believe, and I have faith, I don't want to be the person that, even though I see all the proof, I don't thank him for what he has done, and will continue to do, in my life.
I don't know where I'm leading this post, but I want to say this right now:
I know that no matter what door opens, and where it opens, I know that one will...and even though it may not be what I expected, planned, or even guessed...I know that I will be fine, I will be more than fine...I will be. And so will my family, and my friends...and everyone who needs. It will work itself out, because that is the only way balance can be achieved...because God is peace...and you can't have peace unless you have order...and you can't have order unless you can provide for yourself...a way will develop, it's just up to you to see it...even when it isn't there yet.
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
...is all I have left for this job. My manager said that they wouldn't let him keep two people on payroll for one job longer than one week...makes sense I guess. I called my temp agency, and they have something in the same area for about the same amount of money...so I guess it isn't THAT bad...we'll see.
As for now, I'm trying to milk their modem for all I can get, but there isn't much out there right now that I want to download...what a shame.
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
...and GO!
Yeah, I'm waiting...that's all I can really do right now, wait and see. I'm still working at the job with the lazy coworkers, even though they've hired my replacement already...and the women here are still bickering about crap...same story, different day...
...as for me; I'm alright. I mean, there isn't a lot I can do right now other than what I've been doing...watch movies/tv shows and answer the phone...and when something new becomes available, I download it and see if I like it...that's about it...I don't talk to my friends on the phone, no idle chit chat with the two "women" in the department that insure their chairs don't float away...just in my own little world.
And it is still nice.
It could be a lot worse, and I don't even want to venture into what those possibilities are...but yeah. I'm maintaining...
I'm starting to do some investing at the moment...which is interesting. I'm not completely in the dark of what moves I should be making when the economy is in a downfall, so I'm really interested in doing some solid wealth building...it's gonna be really exciting to see what happens...
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
Finally through all the misplacement hoopla, I've recieved notice that I qualify for a position...now I just have to wait for them to make me an offer, and give me a training date...
I'll do a real post after I finish watching 'Death Race'...
Be Safe or Be Smitten!
I know the overall tone of my blog has changed, and I also know that I've been neglecting my fellow bloggers lately...I still love y'all!
...but I have just been going through some changes...all for the positive though. I just started to realize some things about myself that I didn't like, and I understood that the only way for them to change was for me to change...and that's what I'm doing...changing. I'm changing how I look at things, the way I process things...and it feels so good. Even though I'm not that young, I feel like I'm growing up...my attitude at work has changed toward my coworkers and the callers...it's nice, it's really nice. I wish I did this years ago, I'd be much better off if I did.
I'm new to this in a way, so bear with me, but I read this today, and it helped me a lot...hopefully it'll help you too.
"Now behold, today I am going the way of all the earth, and you know in all your hearts and in all your souls that not one word of all the good words which the LORD your God spoke concerning you has failed; all have been fulfilled for you, not one of them has failed."
Joshua 23:14
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
Yeah, you know you liked that song...but what's with the dude reading the magazine in the video?
Anyway, between watching X-Files - I Want to Believe, Righteous Kill, and Love Guru I started to realize something...I'm better than my coworkers. Now, don't take that the wrong way, I mean, I am better at doing the job than they are, but that's not what I'm talking about right now...I'm talking about the fact that I am better than this. I'm better than this situation. I'm better than what they have committed their lives to...to this. Not that this is a horrible job, but they cleave to this sense of superiority, and try to subject me to their snickering and salaciousness...but I have no reason to respond...I don't.
Not that they are all out attacking me in any way, they aren't; but I can hear them when they talk, make remarks...and before it would've bothered me...but not now. I don't have time for them or what crawls from the crevice on their face that they call a mouth. I'm done...and it makes me feel good.
...but I will miss all the great downloading fun I had here though, the movies, software, CDs...it's been awesome, and trust, I'm gonna milk them for all they are worth!
Be Safe or I'll steal your Bandwidth!
How YOU doin'?
I'm gone in two weeks.
...gone to NJ? Not that I know of yet, but that is when my job is over that I'm currently working. Possibly three.
Am I scared? Surprisingly, no. I have a sort of peace...and I am fine with the way things are playing out right now...I mean, I know I can't control every aspect of my life, nor am I suppose to. I'm just going.
I'm waiting to hear from the big V, and I'm getting excited. I'm sure that they are going to make me an offer, it's just a matter of...when. I'm sure they will soon.
As for me, I'm excited about making more money, starting something new, and starting somewhere fresh. I'm excited about working on buying a home, and also I'm excited about starting the rest of my adult life...I'm happy.
I'm happy that I have peace, I'm happy that I have a better relationship with my parents...and I'm happy that I know where I stand with everyone I care about.
It's a dope feeling...and I hope it never goes away.
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
I know I was in a funk yesterday, and as soon as I inhaled the air outside the office, most of it lifted...the rest was gone after I talked to my gf and my mom about it...I guess I've just recognized the fact that I tend to take a negative path when I get worried about something, and because that's all I think can happen, that's all I ALLOW to happen. I can't think negative or I'll be negative.
Honestly, that's the easiest thing to think, because it requires no action on your part for it to happen. Essentially, for the negative to come to pass, you have to lack the unction to press beyond that reality into the one that was waiting for you all along...you just had to recognize and accept it...and accepting it is what is so difficult. Whether you are accepting a new way of living or even a new way of looking at something, if you didn't come up with it, you can reject it without even trying. Without even knowing if it's right, wrong, or even useful. You have to understand that illumination of your situation can come from the most unlikely source...and it will keep being told to you from different sources until you choose to accept it...and if you don't accept it, you will remain in the state that you are in.
So what am I saying? I guess I'm saying don't be so difficult. Don't be so closed off that you can't accept new information, new ideas, new ways of looking at something or someone. More often than not, when you are in a bad situation, it's for a reason...sometimes you just need to realize something, sometimes you just need to do something that you have neglected...sometimes you have to just accept the fact that you cannot control everything, and even if you could, you would still be miserable.
"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
-Matthew 6:34
Be Safe or Be Smitten
Somewhat...I have a slight headache...and I feel...closed off. Like I'm emotionally shutting down, but other that the annoying lazy negro chick I work with, there isn't anything that is causing me to question my sudden burst of me being mean.
I love being in love, I am happy about the job possibilities with Verizon...I'm happy about having my housing lined up...but, for some reason, it's like I'm forcing myself to not be happy.
I just admitted to someone yesterday that I'm not use to things 'working out', to things going for my benefit...and maybe sub-consiously I'm trying to sabotage myself emotionally...I don't know. I don't hate myself, and I don't hate my new opprotunity...I'm not getting it...I just don't understand it. I don't. I don't know why I feel this way, and I'm tired of it...I'm tired of not being consistantly happy, so why am I so emotional right now?
I deserve happiness, and I'm finally I am...I don't get it.
Yeah, I know I've talked about that song already, but that has to be one of the most entertaining verses in the past fifteen years...after all, that was like, twelve years ago now...ughhh, I feel old.
Anyway, my testing and my interview seemed to go well, so now I'm just playing the waiting game...and hopefully Big Verizon will be making me a healthy offer...
I'm kinda excited and nervous at the same time, which feels very strange...
I don't know...I don't really feel like posting today, I'm in a mood. I hope I feel better, and I'll try to post later...
In short, I was right, and my lazy co-workers were wrong...my boss ran a report, and it showed that I took over 200 more calls than they did last month, and I worked eight hours less...that's kinda weird, isn't it?
In other news:
I have an interview/testing Saturday at Verizon in New Jersey...pretty exciting...I'm looking forward to it; I hope it goes well...I'm sure I'll pass the tests, I just hope that no one else in the group does as well as me...that'll make me look more impressive.
I don't have to much to say right now, but hopefully I will next week.
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
Well, to say the least, it was eventful...I had a great time. I made money...I spent more...won some super exclusive kicks...an all around good time...
With the exception of every possible highway flooding and it taking us four hours to get there.
That was bad; but anyway, here are the pics:
Here is my table...
...and here's some other stuff:
Here's some of what people were wearing that day...
Some b-boys:
Some crowd shots...
My purchases and the sneaks I won:
That about wraps it up...more picks available at the link below...
http://www.nicekicks.com/dunkxchange-chicago-event-recap/
Be Safe or be Smitten!
...it depends on what you're looking for, and what you are trying to accomplish. Is it all I need? Nope, it really isn't, but it's a good part of the equation.
It's much more than that; it's someone understanding and accepting you for who you are, and not for what you can accomplish. It's someone who doesn't mind helping you sort out your dreams, sift through your ideas, settle your nerves, and then stroke your ego. Someone that can stretch out their arm and help you up from your downfalls, someone that can make sense of your insanity, someone that knows you have to separate the puzzle pieces before you can put the big picture together effectively. Someone that knows, and if they don't, won't stop until they will. Won't stop because they care. Because they need you to do the same thing for them...
...that's all you need; and that's what I've found.
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
I'm in a caffeine induced haze right now...newly inspired to share every waking thought that sweeps through my mind. I need to share something with you, my internet natives:
I am in love with words.
Seriously...I am. It is a sick infatuation that is more than familiar with people that fraternize on the space that only exists in front of us... a fifteen inch HP L1506...and I suppose I'll continue to throw words on internet one letter of a time bludgeoning you with my opinions and ideas...just make sure you all keep up with the feedback; it helps.
I also need topics...I know I'm no Geoffrey Chaucer, but I need things to write about...so if y'all could get back to me with that, I would be most gracious.
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
...makes me remember that I want to be a writer. Not because the main character is messed up, but because it is the only way I can truly express myself and be heard. Everyone has a channel that they can be heard through, and mine may be through my Dell keyboard.
I want to change the world...even if it's just the world around me. The only way I see that happening is if some gracious benefactor gives me one million euros or ten gold bars and a nice laptop to scream out from the top of the theoretical mountain top...hand out my memorandum from my soapbox...from the internet. Helping people is cool, some I don't necessarily want to deal with the crazies face-to-face. I want to pick and choose the nuts the I have to crack.
I mean, I'm not saying that I'm insensitive, I just need my personal space; and that is something that I only want to share with my family and loved ones...I'm selfish that way...and we all should be. Whenever we start to let people in to that private space in our lives, we are vulnerable, and we shouldn't be vulnerable with everyone nor should we be giving away free admission to the theme park that explains our being. We have to keep part of ourselves hidden away in order to maintain some sort of sanity.
What I'm trying to say is that I'm starting to understand that my former childhood dream isn't really feisable, even though I've never explained it to anyone, and my new dream is changing every day...and I'm trying to be okay with that. The harsh realities of life can be overbearing at times...but it is what it is; you just have to kinda go with it. Adapt. Go with it, try to understand it, cope with it, pray about it, and learn from it. That's the best you can do; that's the best we can all do...except for the person with the gold bars and the one million euros...they do whatever it is they want.
Be Safe or Be Smitten.
I don't like these people I work with...and honestly, if they both decide to skateboard on the sea floor of the Bermuda Triangle...I would throw a going away party for them. I think these have to be the laziest broads in history...and I'm trying to find a new job.
Why? Well, I have to, in short...and honestly, maybe I'll post about it at another time...I mean, they are really just stupid...generally speaking. They're talking about how much oxygen we lose by the foresters cutting down trees...
but most of the earth's oxygen comes from the photosynthetic process that the ocean's abundant plant plankton goes through...but I don't expect her to know that; I'm sure that most people don't...but it's just the fact that I'm on the phone and she is talking about something that has NOTHING to do with the job we are doing...and she's wrong. It's annoying. I hope they get fired...even though they probably won't...ughhh!
Help me.
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