Tears for the Weary

I'm sleepy at work again. It happens...just not at 8:15 when I technically start my shift. So why am I sleepy?


Marathon sex?



No.


Illegal Drag racing?


No.


Crime Syndicate meetings?



No.

...stupid Chicago weather changes. I live by the lake, which is nice for the most part...except at night. I thought winter time again. It was like 45 degrees...ughhh. So I had to get up and close the windows at like, 3:30-4 o'clock in the morning...jacked up my REM cycle and my sinuses. I'm so paying for it now. On the bright side, I did pick up two pair of sneakers...simple, but nice.

They are a pair of dunk lows



and the Playoff Jordan VIII's...




couldn't pick up the pack


because they sold out at 7am, and there was only one size 12 in my area...that kinda sucks...so I got those instead. Exciting, huh?


I know it isn't.



Also, I watched Cleaner



with Samuel Jackson, Eva Mendes, and Ed Harris. Great straight to DVD movie...nothing like the flicks of late starring the infamous Steven Segal...Into the Sun has to be my favorite movie cover of all time...





Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Cool on Food for Thought, but for You I'm a Starver...

So, I'm in love.



Yeah, love. The type of love that makes you feel like you aren't whole without them. The type of love that makes you wanna slap everyone that you have ever dated in the face...the type of love that makes you wanna laugh at every other chick that you told you loved them...it's not that I didn't, it's just different. So different in fact, that I truly feel this could be the one...for real. Like, trap you by getting pregnant-type of the one. Like the, 'I'm gonna relocate' the one. It's so beautiful and frustrating all in the same breath.

Well, for one, she lives in New Jersey. I live in Chicago. Her whole family is there. My whole family is here. All her friends are there. All my friends are here...you see the pattern. She was just here for a weekend, and she's coming back on the Fourth of July...just for me. Dude; this chick...is amazing. Every little thing that I thought was weird about me...she loves and identifies with it. IDENTIFIES WITH IT...do you understand how huge that is? We also have paralells in our beliefs, but then we contast one another with certain music and entertainment...although we both appreciate the other's taste...it's, stupid dope. I can't really even translate it into words...even though I've really tried...


On a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOTE:


I'm so proud of the Celtics! Go Boston...y'all bought some Negros to get the title back. Hooray for you...KG and Ray Allen needed a ring; two of the most underrated players in the game along with Paul Pierce...but what in HELL is on this cat's mind here???





This isn't the Tony Awards...it's the NBA Championship Trophy...damn dude...totally the wrong time to do your Shriley Temple impersonation...


Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Life in Movies

Not as serious as it sounds, but I was watching a clip of a movie, and so saw myself in the dead brother of Dewey Cox...Parental Discretion advised...




Then that brought me to my next clip; I'm so glad those anti drug commercials don't give this message...




Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Father's Day

Thanks Eb the Celeb for giving me the courage to drop this out there…


Father’s day has come and gone, and I tried my very best this year to let my Dad know that I really care about him, love him, and respect him. Now as charming as I am in person, and as eloquent as I am on this site…I can never find the right way to voice my true emotions to my father. I think it’s because I get nervous…really nervous. Now, it’s not because I’m scared, it’s not because I think he’ll say something to me that I don’t want to hear…it’s really because I know how my father is…

My father is a man that is big on principle. He respects words, but he respects actions more…he’s kinda old-school in that way, but honestly, if more people were like that, it’d be a better world…but because of this, I feel like the only true way for him to know how I feel is to show him; I just haven’t quite figured out the best way to do that yet. I try to live independently, I try to be the best man I can be…I use the tools of manhood that he gave me, instilled in me, and helped develop in me. It’s…it’s, it’s hard. It’s hard to tell someone that you really care about and honor how much they mean to you; especially when all they hear is about the hurts that they have caused…but that happens. People tend to overlook the good because the bad is so much more lucid in your memories. I remember all the times he tried to teach me how to play baseball effectively…even though I really didn’t like it. I remember when he would take me to an open field and fly kites with me…How many people have done that in my age group? And I NEVER see people doing that anymore…I remember playing catch with my dad, playing basketball with my dad, playing video games with my dad, working on cars with my dad, hearing him give me awesome gems of info like, “You’ll always save money by learning how to do something yourself, as long as you do it right.” I love him for that, I’d kill people for disrespecting that…

I Love My Father; and I really hope he knows this…I do. I know my life with him wasn’t all bad, it wasn’t all punishments and discipline, even though that’s all I tend to focus on. I know this; and me thanking him for who he was, who he is, and the growth that has taken place let me know that I can always learn, always change, and still be looked at with respect…because knowing that he has never stopped learning made me realize that I never will either; and being able to adapt and change is one of the biggest parts of being a man. Being able to realize when you are wrong is a huge part of being a man. Knowing that your family is as important, no, more important than yourself…sacrificing your comfort to make sure your wife and son are able to enjoy life just a little bit more…that’s what makes a man. Not the women slept with, not the money made, not how big or strong…not what you know or who you know…it’s about who you are, and what people will say about who you are. Being a man of principle does that. It lets people know who you are based on your actions and responses; it makes trust possible…because at the end of the day, you are the only one that has to atone for your sins…and that’s what my father made sure I understood as well…I am the one who has to pay for what I’ve done; but I also have to remember that everything I do is a reflection on my family as well…

It’s hard. It’s hard to balance all of these things and still be a fun, interesting, playful, insightful, and relaxed person…but my father has been and is all of these things. I know there are hundreds of thousands of things I can sit here and write…but the main thing I wanted to get across is that I love my dad, and I always will. With no clauses or exceptions.

As always,

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Dazed and Confused

Have you ever been so sleepy you forgot what day it is? Or you didn't remember that you were at work? Yeah, that's how I feel right now...I haven't been this sleepy in a very, very long time. I really think I'm going to go straight home tonight and go to sleep...a deep coma like sleep, for like, 3 hours...then go put a load of whites in the wash. Ughhhh...the day can't creep by fast enough!


As for my weekend...The cool points out the window and you got him all twisted up in the game.


Thank you Liz for being my sunshine during Noah III: The Flood Returns!




I live in the Chicagoish area, and dude, it was something awful with the rain...this person's house literally floated away...it was bad news homie. Can you imagine seeing your house float away? I'd be so pissed...I wouldn't even know what to say...but is it wrong that I can't help but laugh at the video? It looks like a Monopoly house just sailing along...


BTW, my new employer loves me...they haven't had numbers this good in a VERY long time...or at least that's what they tell me...


Be Safe or Be Smitten...and make sure your house doesn't float away!

Week in Review...

What to say and what to share is the real question...


I've learned that people don't always operate in the same time that you'd like them to. When you are looking for something from someone, you don't always get it, and if you do, it isn't always in the time that it is needed. In that respect, even if they do give it, it's too late lots of times...and it's not that you don't care, but it's that you can't give those feelings back...Like in Anchorman when he saw what he wanted at the pool party...




You know, when he wanted Veronica Corningstone?

"I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. I want to be on you...I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

Yeah, he was totally off in his timing...timing is everything.


Also, this up in news:



I'm going to have a spot at the Sneaker Show at Navy Pier during July 4th Weekend! Exciting, no? I'm going to stock up on petty shoes to sell at the event, hopefully people will have money this time...


Super Big News:






I had Progresso Vegetable soup today...it was very tasty.


That's about it; maybe I will purge later, but that's honestly everything on my mind right now...


Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Blogger Jackin'

I SO stole this from Monie in the Middle's blog...but here you go...I need more songs on my ipod...


MEME Rules:
1. Put Your iPod/ music player on shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT
After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Complex Simplicity - Teedra Moses

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Moment of Clarity - Jay-Z

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Girls, Girls, Girls - Kanye West freestyle version...(look it up, it's interestingly right.)


HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Shooter - Robin Thicke feat. Lil' Wayne


WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Mr. Whomp Whomp - Fiend


WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Bring Y'all Back - Pete Rock feat. Little Brother


WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Keep It Playa - Pharrell feat. Slim Thug


WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
I Don't Trust Myself (With Loving You) - John Mayer


WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Killing Me Softly - The Fugees

WHAT IS 2+2?
Much More - Lupe Fiasco


WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
2 the Sky - Robin Thicke


WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Like I Love You - Justin Timberlake


WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Keys Open Doors - The Clipse

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Electric Wire Hustler Flower - Common


WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Slow Dance - John Legend


WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Let's Get This Paper - Rich Boy


WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Outta My Head - Teedra Moses


WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Let's Go - Pete Rock


WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
A Life In A Day of Benjamin - Andre' 3000


WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
The Prelude - Jay-Z (on Kingdom Come)


WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Prayer - The Clipse (unreleased demo)

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Shut Up - Trick Daddy



Honestly, it was kinda spooky...and it made me listen to some songs that I forgot were on here...I was afraid because I have some super bogus stuff on my Ipod...like the best of Fiend...and a bunch of Lupe Fiasco random mixtape songs...but it turned out ok.

Try it and see what you find!

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Mind Melt

My job, for the lack of a better word, is interesting. I work in QM or Quality Management department...so I really don’t do much, just replace bad product. Today though, I’m learning the computer system that records the data in a federally regulated data system…it’s very tedious. Well…for one reason or another, there are just TOO MANY screens…I literally put small amounts of actual data into about 6 different screens…I felt like my mind was going to melt and drip out of my ear…it was bad. I think I’m going to be ok though, it’s just super hard to memorize all that stuff in like, an hour.


I still have a headache.

Otherwise, this weekend looks to be good. My fellow blogger is coming to the Chi and we are going to kick it…I hope. We were going to make plans to kick it, but I think her friend has other arrangements set up, so we’ll see…

Video of the Day

So, I know lately I haven’t been saying anything of substance…but I have been remembering all these stupid wack songs that I liked in the 80’s…and found out that some of them I still like…


I swear I’m gonna buy this group’s Greatest Hits CD….








THE HUMAN LEAGUE!


Don’t you want me baby!



You know you love it…


Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Nas Video

Be a N*&&@...

I have to honestly say this; I've never been a huge Nas fan...I appreciated his work, but never a huge fan. I always liked Biggie better than him...and in saying that, this next statement is going to be all the more powerful.


I am buying Nas' new album as SOON as it drops...I might buy two copies. Every black person in America, every minority in America needs to see this video...and if the two snippets and the main song are any inkling of what the CD is like...this might be the most important CD of our culture...now I know this is a huge statement, but watch the video and tell me you don' t feel the same way...even if you just wanted to say that the video alone makes the whole Hip Hop video game right now look horrible...it's worth the 8 minutes and 39 seconds it'll take to listen and watch...but it may take longer to absorb.

It won't allow me to post it within this post, but look above...

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

...oh yeah, I forgot

...Lionel Richie!


I loved this video, so dramatic.




Hello, doesn't that sound strikingly like this Billy Ocean song?




Let me know,


Be Safe or Be Smitten.

You think you're 80's?

Yeah, so I was talking with one of my friends who is suppose to know 80's stuff...but she doesn't remember this!!

Whatchu know about that Colonel Abrams?





In your nuts with a spiked bat, like BOW!


...and my All time FAVORITE singer...




BILLY OCEAN!!!

Caribbean Queen



and of course...

Get Out of My Dream, Get Into My Car





You sure didn't have to be pretty back then to have a hit!


Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Love in the Club

So I went to Jon Content's concert on Friday at the Funky Buddha Lounge in the City of Wind...his show was hot...but BOY, the guys before him weren't...

You know, I like shameless money rap; the catchier, the better. I mean, I won't buy it, but I'll sure listen to it and watch the video...here's a fine example of shameless money rap:

Baby D - 'Bout Money

Like I said, I'd never buy it, but it's way more believable that what I saw that night...the video has all the "traits" of money. Gucci stuff, random custom clothes, women kissing diamonds...and a frivolous 'I don't care about money because I'm so freakin' rich!' dance...all key traits, right?

Well, these guys...these guys bought the 2 for $3 white tee from Mr. Chang's Liquor and Beauty Supply store...Rouge Monkey Jeans...yeah, Rouge Monkey, not Red...and AF1's that come ready to Swerve and Lean like Hollywood Holt. It was very...interesting to watch their show. I thought they were a group, but it was just one guy with a bad hype man...I don't know the hype man's name...but he just kept saying, 'Yeamp!! Yeamp!!' Yeah, very hot show for them. I think they were sponsored by St. Ides and Preferred Stock.

Now, I'm not hating...it wasn't even the fact that they were so wack (btw, they were pretty wack though), but it's more of the fact that they weren't that believable...it's like telling you I burn corners in a Maserati, and I pick you up in a Crown Vic...that's not the same, and you aren't going to believe me...

So a note to all aspiring rappers...please rap what you know, not what you want.

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Keeping America Beautiful...

I found one more...they just aren't like the one I remember...






Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Crying Indian...

I swear NO ONE remembers these commercials except for me...there are TWO, count'em, TWO versions...one from the 80's, and one from the 90's...
Enjoy!








Keep America Beautiful!

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

If you are a WN, stab yourself in the Eye...

Wack ni&&@$...I hate them. They make good guys look horrible. I mean, I use to have WN tendencies…but I cleared that up before I transitioned to who I am now. All of that stuff stems from past hurts and insecurities that he’s dealt with in his life. The problem comes in when he starts putting those problems on the head of his woman. I can’t stand a man that won’t live up to the qualities that make up a man. If you have some deep rooted issue, maybe you should be by yourself before you mess some woman up with the massive retardation that you are carrying around on your neck…

You know how many chicks have been jacked up by some loser? The BEST ones…the cutest, most driven, loyal, down for you chicks that you meet…they have ALL been screwed over by some loser.


You know what else I hate? When some guy makes his personal problems the fault of his woman. You know the type; he’ll call with some foolishness like this:


WN: Hey! Why aren’t you here to hold my hand and make sure I do what I’m suppose to do as a man?

Woman: I’d be there, but my dad is in the hospital with leprosy.

WN: I DON’T CARE!!! That’s SO selfish, help me? I need you to help me get a job because I’m a loser. I need you to clean my place, because I’m lazy. I need you to take care of me, because I really want a mother and not a woman.


Now I know that may be hard for you to read, especially if you have had that happen to you before…but that type of stuff bugs me, because if I legitimately need my woman, she’ll think I’m being a WN too. Doesn’t that suck? I know it does, first hand…but I don’t think that will be happening too much anymore…somehow.


So what do I suggest? I think all of the WN should take lamas classes at the bottom of Lake Erie…for real. Well, maybe not, because if they did that, I wouldn’t seem as dope as I am, right?



Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Little to say about Much

Hopefully, I don’t have anything I need to purge today…I don’t feel it, but like with any good, fulfilling spew, you NEVER see it coming, it just happens naturally.


So, what’s on the horizon for me? Preparing for Jon Content’s concert this Friday at the Funky Buddha…that should be exciting. I don’t quite know what I’m going to wear…I guess I’ll figure something out by tomorrow…it should be interesting though. Hopefully everyone that we know will show up…Kwayland, Keli, Robyn, and Christina are suppose to be there, but we aren’t too sure about them. Negros can be shifty when it comes to showing up to things…and if they aren’t shifty, they are crazy late. I’m sure I’ll have fun, I just don’t know what type of fun yet…but as always, I’ll be sure to write about it. I may even post pictures of it too!

Maybe I’ll have a more interesting rant later…only time will tell.

No Fun Pictures today...

Honestly, I don’t know what to write about today…it’s been an interesting week already. People are falling out of trees with heavy information lately…I don’t know how to take it all the time; it makes me feel…burdened. I have no problem being a willing ear, but these aren’t problems that they have with me, but the problem that they are not with me…now don’t get me wrong, I’m no pimp/player/womanizer/miser…but it’s just funny. I don’t want to sound like Mike Jones…so I won’t. But, with everything in life, timing is everything. People don’t always work from the same clock…and it shows. It brings disharmony to life, love, and lucidness. Honestly, I don’t know if I can deal with it anymore. One is going to have to go, and it must be the one that causes me the most discomfort…I don’t want to be an ass, but I know that’s how I’m going to seem. If they are reading this please note:


I AM EXTREMELY SORRY THAT THINGS DID NOT WORK OUT FOR US. I’M GLAD YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU FELT FOR ME, BUT IT IS REALLY TOO LATE. I CAN’T GO BACK TO YOU. I CAN’T. IT ISN’T THE BEST SITUATION FOR ME. PLEASE TRY TO UNDERSTAND.

I mean, did I have something for her, yes I did. Did I mean what I said, yes. But I can’t set myself up again to be disappointed. That’s why I need to move on. It hurts, but mainly because I can’t tell her without being an ass. I grew by leaps and bounds in that relationship…I became more patient, understanding, kind, caring, loving, receptive…but I also endured some of the most painful emotions in my life. I can’t have that; I can’t live in a relationship that gives me that. That isn’t healthy, and it won’t stimulate growth for me. She was and is a good person; I just hope she is able to take what I’m saying the right way. I gave her my heart, and she stabbed it with a plastic butter knife until it went through me…I’ve been stitched up, and I’m healing…but I can’t allow her to do it again…this would be the fifth time. It can’t happen again, and it won’t…it won’t. I can’t do that because I have respect for myself, and I love myself, so I need to do what is best; for myself.

What did she do that hurt me so bad? Lots. I could fill pages of things…and it really isn’t the point, because I allowed myself to go through it. Was that smart? No. But the thing is, I didn’t know if I could get anything better. I didn’t know if I deserved anything better…I mean, she wasn’t Lucifer, but the things she did…if I told you…you would hate her for it.

The thing is, I’ve always been rejected…especially when it was someone I really liked or cared for. So what did I start doing? I would reject them before they had a chance to reject me…I became an asshole, then I got fat…after that, I became nicer…developed a better personality, and I became a better person…but I was still getting rejected. I didn’t know what to do. It really hurts, you know? It hurts when someone tells you theoretically, “You are the most intellectual person I’ve ever met, you make me feel like I can do anything, you make me feel beautiful, you…but I can’t have you as my man…but I’m going to continue to treat you like you are until someone else I think is better shows up, then I’m off with him.” It makes you feel like shit. So when this chick came along…she made me feel like I was worth a damn…then she did the same thing. Three times…with the same person. So it was like I was back in the same circle of problems that I had before. Now I know people always tell you that it takes oh so long to get over a person…but my feelings had nothing to do with her, but with me. The rejection issue has been with me for as long as I can remember. The difference is, now I realize a few things.


People will always disappoint you.
Never trust what you hear until it can be displayed by what you see, then allow it to be defined by what you feel.
At the end of the day, all you have is God and yourself.

That sounds cold, but it’s the truth. Now I’m not saying never trust anyone, if you listen to your inner voice, it won’t steer you wrong, but generally speaking, everything in that list is true, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you won’t be as hurt or taken advantage of. The sooner you won’t be disappointed. The quicker you can heal…


I can love, I will love, and I am love. That has never left, and it never will. I feel I’m a better person than I was; and for that I thank that person I was with…Everything happens for a reason I guess, and I think I’m finally starting to understand that reason. I hope she does too.

Be Safe or Be Smitten...

Creamsicle

I really don’t have anything to say right now except for I LOVE this song right now…it’s so nasty, but more like a chill nasty. It’s on the unreleased Out of My Mind CD by Pharrell & the Yessirs…don’t be a hater, you know you wish you had this CD. Listen to it and enjoy…the link is in the title.

So taste and see...

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Don't take it Personal...

Life is funny. Things happen to me and around me that never cease to amuse. Is this something cold and mean? No. Is this directed toward anyone in particular? No. Why am I saying this? Because I feel I have to. The sentence preceding this one itself could spark four angry e-mails/calls saying that I shouldn’t write about them on my blog. So what am I saying?


People take things too hard sometimes. The whole point of my blog is to paint a picture; and see if I’m the only one that thinks it looks like a shark instead of a canary. I mean, unless I’ve been directly disrespected, I don’t go out on an attack ever. That’s why it’s funny to me when people tell me that I’m being mean. Me being mean isn’t mean; I’m just saying what you already thought, and you are mad because you thought that was only something in your head; and not something that you overlooked. In my adult life; I haven’t gone out on a personal assault on anyone’s decisions. That isn’t my job; but I will always tell the truth about the way it is, then how I feel about it. That is the nature of my blog; including what I say about myself. So I do completely apologize to anyone that I know personally that reads my blog; if I mention you in it, it usually isn’t bad. If anything, I’ll just say I don’t agree with something or someone…and that’s really all I can do. I can’t make anyone do what I feel they should…it doesn’t work that way; and I wouldn’t want to have it work that way either. It’s too hard living my own life; so I really don’t want to live anyone else’s.


Am I Wrong?

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

You know what???

Sooooo…I’ve come to the conclusion that only dumb people call the manufacture for issues. I mean, well, lets say 70% of my calls are from dumb people. I honestly can’t understand why this is such a hard concept for my callers…today the people that called in all seemed like they had an attitude, they all seemed like they didn’t know English…they all seemed like they sold their brain on E-bay with a Buy-it-Now price of $5.99 shipped.


I mean, if you call me, tell me the problem, it’s my job to send you replacement product. How hard is that to understand? These people today though…omg, they have asked the most ridiculous questions. For instance, if you weren’t satisfied with the performance of your muffler, would you ask what the assembler had for lunch? Or better yet, what type of hair gel they use? That’s an incredibly stupid and inane question right? Wrong. I think dumb people across the world call the number on everything they ever get in the mail…everything. They call Lays and complain about chips, they call Hanes and complain about underwear, they call God and complain about clouds…they complain about everything. If you have a valid issue, I’m your advocate all the way…but when you call in and complain to my tire company when you have sinus pressure…you need to get kicked in the mouth by Shaq

and be forced to lick the grease off Jermaine Jackson’s face…

I think I hate people…


No, not people, not ALL people…just people that call the customer service lines…those are the ones.

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Just Wondering...

Even if you never comment on my page, just let me know if you like the new look. I just kinda want to know...right now it feels like I'm posting on the inside of an X-Box...

Listen with your Eyes, Follow with your Ears

So I’m not sure what I’m here to write today…I mean, I don’t have any rants or anything super important to shout out to the world…but I kinda post everyday now, so I need to say something.


How come people always expect things out of you when they don’t do anything to deserve it? I mean, you get these “friends” that don’t really hold up their end of the relationship, yet they expect favors and for you to lend an ear all the time. It’s really amazing the nerve of those people. I’m always feeling like they are never there for me, so why in the f*#k should I care about what is going on in their lives? When I had no job and no money, where were they? Not calling me, not stopping by…when I was depressed because no one wanted to hire me, where were they? Did they make sure I slept on the couch instead of the hood of my car? Nope, they sure didn’t. So I guess that’s why I don’t claim to have all these friends of sorts. I really only have a few. Like I could fit most of them in a decent size SUV…I can honestly say I only have like two super dope friends…and three norm friends…and then the rest of the peeps are like in my cool club. Like, I can call them to kick it, or hang out…but that’s about it. Nothing life changing. Nothing mind blowing…and I generally don’t share anything with them important. I just don’t really get people sometimes…it’s just funny to me.


Maybe I’ll think of something else later for now, but in the words of Andre’ 3000 “…and that’s as far as I got.”




Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Had to post this...

This is why I blog:

"When you use words, you're able to keep your mind alive. Writing is my way of reaffirming my own existence." - Gao Xingjian

Fat as I wanna be...

So I think I have come to the conclusion that I’m fat.


Well, I’m stupid fat to me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not like, Orca fat…

or like Dom DeLuise fat…





but like, “I can’t shop at H&M or Express because I’m too fat.” That fat. Now, I’m I expecting some miracle to be worked here? No. Am I expecting to be a Hawaiian Tropic Banana Hammock model? No. I just want to be the strong fat guy…like a small Suge Knight pre-asswhoopin’…like Death Row I’ll hang you over the balcony Suge. But not as large; just like a “I don’t have a six pack, but I have a firm cutting board…but I’m big.” So I broke out the Ab Lounge…I’m about to get crackin’!


I’m going to use the words of Big here: “I’m dedicated to fitness.”





So no more fried foods…kinda. Like, no more fried chicken, burgers…fries…stuff like that. I’ll still do the breakfast sausage at mom’s house though…can’t pass that up. We’ll see what happens…I’m not setting some sort of poundage goal, but I do just want to feel better…that’s really what’s important. We’ll see what happens though.


Be Safe or Be Smitten.

We're Stuck in this Plastic Life

Is it wrong to not be excited about news? I mean, I had a friend call me yesterday and her news was interesting, but it didn’t feel that exciting. It was more like, “Why do I feel more concerned about your life than you do?” It was weird. It was an opportunity that sounds like it could be good…but it was completely illogical to me. If you are an auto mechanic, do you think you’d get the opportunity to develop new flavors of Jell-O?



I’m thinking no.


So why in the world if someone makes you an offer to do something that you have NO idea how to do would you feel so positive about it? It would just make me feel kinda funky; or at least weary. Even if they sent you doc showing you that it is legit…wouldn’t you consider that I could send you a “degree” right now from Ballsack University that looks real?





Or a contract that has been notarized already?





I don’t get it. I thought that whole; “If it seems to be too good to be true, it is” phrase was still in style…I guess it isn’t. Don’t get me wrong, if it is on the up and up, and it makes her happy, I’m all for it…but right now, there are too many holes in her cheese to make it stand alone.

I'm all for escaping and leaving your normal surroundings in order to initiate growth...but come on?



Be Safe or Be Smitten.


…that isn’t just a tagline.

I Glow in the Dark

To say the very least…


THE CONCERT WAS AMAZING!!!

I mean, it did have it’s faults, but overall, it was well worth it.


I wasn’t able to take pictures of the concert, so you’ll have to be subject to whatever I can find online.



Lupe’s set was…ok. I mean, I really love Lupe Fiasco from mixtapes to albums…but his performance wasn’t what I thought it would be. He didn’t have a band, only a DJ…and he didn’t really get to use that much of the stage. For what he was able to work with it was hot; and honestly, if he had Rihanna follow his performance, I would’ve liked his more that I do…but I’ll get to Rihanna a little later. He also had no type of stage props for the show…but I guess that’s because he didn’t get that big of a section of the stage.


N.E.R.D.’s set was ridiculous…in a good way. It was dope. They did Everybody Nose and Spaz from the new album…they did Brain and Lapdance from In Search Of… and a couple from Fly or Die… They had a decent size screen behind them showing random colors and designs during the show, and they had a full band with two drummers. During part of Everybody Nose they threw towels out into the audience…listen to the song so you can know what I’m talking about. Chris Brown came out and danced during Spaz…I wonder why he was there? Hmmm…



Rihanna…well, she’s Rihanna. She was pretty. Her voice sounded good…but it was boring. There was no band…just a guitar player and a bass player that you never really heard. She didn’t wear anything as nice as what I showed…it was like a glorified pajama set. It was ok, but I kinda wish I went to find a souvenir during her portion of the show.



Kanye, Kanye, Kanye…what can I say about his performance? It was great. Theatrical, entertaining, captivating…there was never a boring spot. There was fire, smoke, moving parts, a screen the width of the stage, with another the size of a movie screen in front of that…it was an awesome show! Very interactive. I mean, if you enjoy hip-hop, or even if you enjoy concerts…his is one that you must see. I mean, even if it has been to your city already, you need to take a trip to his next show…the panned shot is one I found of the concert on the internet…

So overall, it was definitely something that I’m glad I had the opportunity to experience.

Other than that…I’m ok. I had a chill weekend. I went to Kwayland’s for a barbeque, and that was cool. Did laundry on Monday…it was needed.


I am starting to heal from past hurts…it’s tough though. I always blame myself for things that don’t work out, but right now I’m not. I’m starting to figure out that everything isn’t my fault. That makes me feel so much better about things…I can’t say that the new chick isn’t accelerating that process though…she is really in my corner…I could see something from this. Something big.

You're F***ing with my Hip-Hop, have you any Shame?

I’d like to start off by saying good morning to OPEC. Thank you for raping the Midwest at a minimum of $4.04 a gallon for regular gasoline. I really appreciate it. It makes me choose my social functions more wisely.


The real reason for my post is this:


Tell me why my ex texted me the other day on some, “If you need to contact me…” I was thinking to myself, I know your number, I know your e-mail. If I want to contact you I will…and have I tried to contact you at all this week? I don’t think I did. I think this fact eluded her. I mean, I enjoyed my time with her; but it wasn’t very fulfilling…


similar to Kool-Aid and Doritos…tasty, but a very horrible meal.


I mean, what is it with people that think they can sit you on a shelf and have you wait for them like I’m a non-perishable canned good? I’m not on layaway, and I am priced to move…catch-up so I can tap on you like Heinz,


or tap on you like Hines.





…and in shoe news:


I think I’ve found an acquisition to top off my shoe collection:





Don’t ask me where, just enjoy my shine.



Until next time,

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

You'll Need half of your Bubble bath to match my Freshness...

I’m not really sure how I feel today. I know I’m bored, and because I’m bored I’m sleepy…slowest…day…ever. Nothing to do. I’ve had 16 calls all day. Just finished lunch, 4.5 hours to go.


Have you ever met someone that feels like they could bring the best out of you? But you were afraid you were going to mess it up? Just wondering.

How come people don’t make quality albums anymore? I mean, what would be a 15 year old’s top ten albums?

Hurricane Chris
DJ UNK
Lil’ Boosie
Soulja Boy
Shawty Lo
V.I.C.
Flo Rida
Lil’ Wayne
DJ Khaled
Rocko

I mean, that was in no particular order…and as funny as it may seem, this probably isn’t too far off from what these young cats listen to. I mean, at the risk of sounding like I’m 67 and saying I went to all of the Isley Brothers concerts…that isn’t quality. I mean, some of them are catchy. I love “Dey Know” in the club…but I mean, dude can’t even come up with more than one rhyme scheme. And as much as I love my money in a “Brown Paper Bag”, DJ Khaled isn’t even an artist…he just puts the people together. The only noteworthy person on the list is Wayne, and he’s a punch line MC that wants to be a lounge singer. I mean, if I had to come up with a list of just rap/hip hop that isn’t the traditional list that you ALWAYS see, (i.e. Ready to Die from Biggie, Illmatic from Nas…), it would be as follows…in no particular order:

The Love Below – Andre’ 3000
Hell Hath No Fury – The Clipse
Black on Both Sides – Mos Def
Reflection Eternal – Talib Kweli and Hi-Tek
Food & Liquor – Lupe Fiasco
Late Registration – Kanye West
Fly or Die – N.E.R.D.
American Gangster – Jay-Z (…yes, I like this better than Reasonable Doubt and Blueprint Vol. 1)
Midnight Marauders – A Tribe Called Quest
Songs about Girls – Will.I.Am.

Now, I know what you are thinking…that’s why I said non-traditional. How hard is it to say that I like Reasonable Doubt and Blueprint from Jay-Z? How hard is it to say Ready to Die and Life after Death were great albums from BIG? Not to forget that All Eyez on Me from Tupac made me want to be a thug…even though I’m not.

I think if kids would read more books, they would know that it isn’t that hard to rhyme hater with hater…or that a song called Booty Meat may not be the best thing to play around your 2 year old…


I’m just saying.


Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Holdin' up the Bars like Bathtub edges...

Work is work; I forgot that while I was unemployed...but it is coming along. I'm so starting to feel confident about my job...I feel like I know what I'm talking about when the people call in. I've found that the best thing to do, even if you have no idea what you are talking about, sound like you do. If you sound like you know what you are talking about, people tend not to question what you say to them...



GLOW IN THE DARK TOUR THIS WEEKEND!!!



Super excited.


...and


BTW,

I'm so in like with someone; it's stupid dope. We talk ALL the time, and it's never boring. You know how you talk to people sometimes and you feel like, "What in the hades can I say to this person to make them get off my phone?" I never get that with her...not yet anyway. But the way things are going, it doesn't feel like I will either.


Be Safe or Be Smitten!

St. Andrew

Yeah, so I really don't know who St. Andrew is, or what he did...but I did learn how to tie my necktie like he did...

I printed out this tutorial of sorts yesterday, and taught myself in a couple minutes...it was more complicated than it sounds; trust me.


That's really it. Today after my lunch, I'm gonna be taking calls, so that'll be interesting. I'm wondering how that one will go...hopefully it'll go well.

We'll see...



BTW...

Did anyone notice that a super normal chick won Top Model yesterday? I mean, I'm all for rooting for the prettiest one; I do that anyway because I'm a guy. But, I mean, she doesn't look like a Top Model; which is kinda the point of the show. I read a few days ago that NONE of the winners have been real top models in the industry. Eva is doing modeling for lace front wigs...and Especially Yours Magazine...Google it if you don't believe me.

I'm just saying; if you want to have a show called, "The girl that should win because she's pretty and she's nice" then you can let her win. It's called America's Next Top Model...and after all these years we are still waiting for one.


Shout out to YaYa!


Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Neckless less like a necklace theft...

Well, I am back on the saddle again...feels good. The job has WAY less stress, and I feel like in a few weeks, I should be fully trained enough to handle any situation. There is a MUCH smaller team now too, (3 including me), so it's easier to keep track of things. I really think I'm gonna like this place...the only problem?



Neckties.


I have 2, (one stolen, one extended borrow), so I have to obtain more...by hook or by crook...more than likely by hook; even though I don't understand what that means.



Until later,


Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Ebb and Flow...

Just had two interviews; one phone, and one face-to-face. They both went well...the phone interview wants me to come in tomorrow...I really need one of these to pan out...the tide needs to bring in some dollars.

Cast Away

I'm sure many of you have seen this movie, and it was just on TBS twice this weekend...so I watched it...both times. After watching the movie, this quote stuck with me:

"I was gonna die there, totally alone. I was gonna get sick, or get injured or something. The only choice I had, the only thing I could control was when, and how, and where it was going to happen. So... I made a rope and I went up to the summit, to hang myself. I had to test it, you know? Of course. You know me. And the weight of the log, snapped the limb of the tree, so I-I - , I couldn't even kill myself the way I wanted to. I had power over *nothing*. And that's when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive. Somehow. I had to keep breathing. Even though there was no reason to hope. And all my logic said that I would never see this place again. So that's what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing. And one day my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail. And now, here I am. I'm back. In Memphis, talking to you. I have ice in my glass... And I've lost her all over again. I'm so sad that I don't have Kelly. But I'm so grateful that she was with me on that island. And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"

...and that's kinda how I feel right now. Not that I'd kill myself, but I feel like I don't have control over anything anymore; and as a man, that makes you feel pointless. After hearing this quote, I felt some better...I mean, I just have to be patient and wait because I CAN'T control my every aspect of my life...and the sooner I come to grips with this, the easier I'll be in the long run.


BTW, I have another interview today...maybe I'll culturally fit there.


Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Goyard go Hard, I'm Hugo's Boss...

Yeah,


So I feel alright today...apparently I called a bunch of people when I was drunk Thursday night. I fell asleep on my car, on the stairs...played a drunk hypeman...locked my keys in the car...very eventful.

Today should be WAY more chill. Going to a graduation party; the jury's still out on how I feel about that. I mean, I don't know who's going to be there, and I have an idea in my head that I'm not going to like some of the guests. I mean, I'm not going to start any beef to patties...but if someone gets outta pocket, I'm gonna toss them like lint...or give them up like lent.

Let me stop:

Other than that, nothing much is going on in my life; lots of phone convos lately with someone, but other than that...not much.

Oh, and I'm sure that I was an ass in front of Jon's cousin, Shout out to Tamika...sorry about the hair thing.


As always,


Be Safe of Be Smitten!

I'm I alive??

So I went to this party right...and I'm all upset about what happened to me that day, so I decide to drink...I think I had 19 drinks that night. Mostly straight vodka...and that's all I remember. I remember being in a haze, I remember my friends taking my keys, I remember saying things I didn't want to say outloud...I finally had one of those drunk experiences that they talk about on tv...extra weird. I just wish I could go home...but I don't know where my keys are...

Culture...

So, I had a great interview today, for a company that seems like it was going to be a great fit...nice corporate environment...


Only one thing though:

I don't fit into their culture. WTF does that shyt mean? I don't fit into their culture? I knew more about benefits than the person interviewing me...I mean, if I understand more about the job than the person interviewing, how does that make me a "bad fit"? I mean, I didn't see any other Negros there, so maybe that was the problem. I really feel amazingly angry to the point of wanting to commit crime. That seems to be the only "culture" that my people fit into. Or I can be a rapper...drug lord...play football. I mean, that's the corporate culture that blacks fit into, right?


Am I overreacting? Possibly; but right now I don't care. I'm sure someone will hire me; but right now...I am extremely upset.



Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Complicated...

I wish I could change,
I wish I could change;
I wish I could stop saying the same old things.
I wish I could be,
Who you want me to be,
I wish I could stop being the same old me.
I wish I could lose all of my blues;
I wish I could stop putting my blues on you.
I wish I could love like nobody loves;
I wish that my goods outweighed my bads enough.

There's no way There's no way There's no way...
I can get back that girl,
Cause I'm too complicated;
And shes not complicated,
But I'm too complicated.

...so if you have Robin Thicke's cd, you should remember hearing this song...and as SOON as I heard it, I completely identified with it. I mean, I have so many thoughts and emotions that I process on the daily; and most women that I get involved with want to know about them...and I don't want to tell...but when I finally do share, they make me regret it. Don't get me wrong, I'm no Ax murderer...and I'm not crazy...but I do have things that I wonder about, worry about, plan ahead to...things I want...and that isn't the half.


Sometimes I feel like I don't know what I'm suppose to do. Like I don't know how I'm suppose to be when I am interested in a woman. When I want her the wrong way, I know everything to say, but when I want her the right way...I get nervous, I worry, I get scared. It's weird. I try to ignore it, but then you can tell on my face that something is wrong. I mean, this chick I like asked me the other day if I could deal with someone being at my house with me everyday...I said no thinking about the last person I was involved with...but really thinking about it, I don't know. I know I would like to have someone that I could trust enough for that...someone that wouldn't annoy the hell out of me...but I really don't know what it would be like to have that again. The last time I had a situation like that was so long ago, I really don't know what I'd want to have in a long-term deal now...

My last relationship had a lot of boundaries...and I understood that if I wanted to entertain a relationship with this person, I had to abide by the boundaries...so it was kinda like I customized what I wanted based on what she wanted...it wasn't fair. I mean, some of the stuff was cool...but I really didn't have a choice. I mean, she came by every Friday...that was cool. But sometimes I missed her on Tuesday, or on Sunday...and she would never come over. It kinda hurt, because I knew she did it for the last guy...she would be there everyday if he wanted her to...so it made me feel like she cared more about him than me...it sucked.

Saying that, I really don't know...don't know what I'd do or feel...I really don't know if I can find someone that I'm gonna really want anymore...I felt so rejected from her. I, I didn't know it would bother me so much; I didn't know that typing this would make it hurt...

I'm sure I'll be fine, but in the midst of the storm, you can't always see the way to dry land.

Be Safe or be Smitten.

I'm trying to be fly and they clippin' my wings...

...and that's exactly why the caged bird sings.

Yeah, the even though I'm going to get Hip Hop Hatred, The Clipse have to be my favorite group...they are the only rappers that I know that make cocaine seem like so much fun...to sell.

Not that I'd ever do that, but I'm just saying: "I got it for Cheap!"

So I'm in a serious kick drought. When I was employed, I averaged 1.7 shoes every two weeks...I did the math. Then, sometimes I would splurge and buy like 12 pair in two days. I really need a job. I have two promising places in the wings, but I'm playing the waiting game again...if this falls through though, it makes having Peruvian snow on my counter seem so much more promising.

I said that to say this: I'm gonna post some shoes...individually photographed...just to remind myself of what I had just in case I have to sell some of them...

Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Flavor of the Week

I was thinking about my viewpoint of women earlier....based on a blog I read by jirzygurl...why do black guys get so drawn to white women?





I'm not sure; for the last one that I dated, it was the allure of doing my boss...the shift in power, you know? And as stupid as it sounds, it feels like you are fighting oppression every time you are intimate with one...like your name is Malcolm XXX or something...





I mean, from dating the rainbow, chicks of all colors have bullshyte that you are going to have to deal with; and even though I have learned to process the different genres of problems, I'd prefer to deal with black chicks. Honestly, I can relate to their problems, and as silly as that sounds, it is a whole lot easier to be there for someone with problems you can respect.





Just don't get me wrong, my statements are in no way blanket statements...just based on my experiences. White chicks have real problems just like black chicks can have stupid problems...I'm just talking about preferences; and those can change. But right now...I'm all about being open, so whatever flavor I have a hunger for, I need to be able to cope with the aftertaste.





Be Safe or Be Smitten!

I hug the block like I'm lonely...

Yeah, so I got a call about a job possibility today; that is the ONLY reason I'm here on the computer right now...tweeking my resume' so I can have greenbacks like a Celtic...I wish I was a rapper sometimes...

I think I could pull it off, I mean, after all...people think this dude is an amazing artist:

Which brings me to something I've been talking to my homeboy about...I can't say this was my idea, but it was interesting...Why can't you tell people that they are wack anymore? Every time you tell someone that something they did is wack, they say you are hating...but I'm not, you just suck! Does anyone know what I'm talking about? I mean, how far is it gonna go?

P1: Man, you got a booger in your nose.

P2: Aww, you Hatin'!

P1:You smell kinda like warm mustard...

P2: You just hatin' on my new Cologne ni&&@, its from the Heinz Collection...

Where does hating stop and reality begin.

In closing,

What you know about Perfect Strangers?

I stay with that Larry Appleton swag...I'm talking old school, when he worked at Ritz Discount...

As always,

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Love Hater

Hater of Love...not really, but I'm listening to that song on the Love Below...great CD.

Since I couldn't think of a good title for this, I'm just gonna write it:

So I have this thing about writing...I mean, I enjoy it, but only on my own terms. I use to write poetry, but most cats didn't get it. It wasn't about doing the horizontal polka, and it wasn't about supreme mathematics, or the great oppression of the negro race...it was about life, and ignorant ni&&@s... and since I'm a fan of literary devices, my poetry is overloaded with them...

I said that to say this. I really don't like poetry much anymore. It bores me. Is that wrong? Now, to make sure that no one mistakes me for a 15th century monarch, WRITING poetry bores me. I liked writing using the classic rules of poetry...people now just say stuff that rhymes, and it sounds like Dr. Seuss after happy hour.

Now, also, I'm not hating. There ARE good poets out there, but locally, in my crappy little town, they are few and far between. I mean, I love sex...I really do, and most aspects of it I am quite fond of. If I could take classes to advance myself, I would be working on my third PhD...but just because I'm in the Orgasm Fan Club, that doesn't mean I want to hear you molest my aural senses with your verbal wet dream. There is this reoccurring poet that comes to my town and does this poem...I swear it's 30 minutes long...all about giving oral to some chick. I kinda know who inspired the poem, which doesn't help my disdain for it, but it is really overkill. Maybe I don't want to hear it because I'm hating, which I'm not...maybe I don't want to hear it because it's too long...maybe I don't want to hear it because I don't have a vagina...not sure. I mean, like I said earlier...the actions the poem discusses are nice, but I don't want to hear it every week...for 30 minutes.

I also don't want to hear how crappy your life is, and if you must tell me, be creative. Pick up a thesaurus. Be clever. Be witty. Paint your pain with a stroke of genius. Just don't say stuff like this:

My life sucks...

I feel more pointless than a rubber duck.

I don't have any money...WTF

I'm down on my luck,

I feel like I'm stuck.

If I fall in a pit, I'll be covered in muck.

...that's about how the stuff is...the epitome of imbecility...the duke of drivel, prince of poppycock...do you get my point?

So you may feel that because I don't write anymore, I can't have anything to say...if you feel that way, you can sift through your life and see if you can sympathize with anything other than your own ambitions...

I'll leave you with one of my favorite statements:

It's always better to be clever than intelligent. Being an intellect, you only rely on what you have already come to know; but by being a clever man, you subject yourself to new ideas and theories, and by doing so, you'll be able to figure out any situation.

-Me

Yeah, that's mine. I hope if someone does steal it, they are able to use it effectively.

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

The Life of a Faux Tastemaker...

Yeah, so being unemployed has made me pretend to be a taste maker...if you aren't sure what that is...Google is your friend. Anyway, my homeboy has been a fan of not matching for years...so I'm starting to experiment with it as well...it's weird, but sometimes it works...and the more I read my GQs, they feel that not matching is good too; almost to the effect of looking like a color-blind test, but who's passing judgement?

I can hear him now..."That goes hard!" Yeah, I guess it could...green and tan...like a leprechaun on the Sunset Strip...

In other news:

I think this is my last call for alcohol...I've been going too hard on the Everclear, and that f-ed my tolerance for a regular drink...which ruins the fun. Now if one of my homeboys is reading this...the reason I'm not buying anymore for home is because I don't want the guilt of letting people drive home off of my bottled spirits...if you are staying the night, I don't mind as much...but driving home afterward, that's not my bag. I don't want that on me...

"Don't put that on me Ricky Bobby!!!"

Shake and Bake!!

Don't you wonder if the addition of more than one exclamation point is suppose to increase the volume of written text? Or if there is more than one question mark, does that mean you know even less??? How many question marks does it take to make you completely retarded??????? Not sure if there is an answer for that one...but one none the less would be interesting. There is one thing I'm sure people notice whenever they read what I write on my blog...why the hell are there all those ellipsis in his text?? For those who don't know, there is Google, but they are the (...) that are always litter my laments. To answer the question I posed on myself, the reason is...that's the way people talk. They don't stop every sentence with a period; usually it's just a brief pause. Think about it...people don't talk like this: "Me and my friends went out yesterday. It was so fun. I really enjoyed myself. Enter lame short sentence here." The periods ruin the flow...even though that last statement is true, doesn't that still sound like a lost bar from the Golden Age of Rawkus records?

That's it for now...be back soon!

Be Safe or Be Smitten!!

Quarterlife Crisis

...the ongoing saga:

I'm need balance in my life right now...and usually I try to do that by buying sneakers and wooing women; neither of which I'm able to do with restricted funds. I'm not really sure what to do...being jobless with NO unemployment makes you feel like there is no way out. I'm not depressed...yet. Hopefully I won't be, but it's hard not to be. If there isn't something that pans out by next week...I may do it the ski-mask way.

Yeah..what an image right? Hippie thug swag.

Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Get Silly

Are you serious? How is this a song? How is this a video? The bad part about it is...this song is so bad that I can't find a picture of this fool to clown...but I'd do the same thing if I could cash that check...




Be Safe or Be Smitten!

And the World keeps spinning...

Am I scared...sure. I don't have a job, and my unemployment was denied...but hopefully I won't need it. I keep applying to places online, but nothing has quite panned out after all the interviews. I wish I was still working, but I did hate my job. Maybe this will all work out for the best...lets hope so.



BTW: My two friends are "cool" again, I think...the jury's still out on that one.

Are you really?

So I went out last night...on a Monday. I thought it could be fun; but the fun I had was wondering what my apartment was doing while I was sipping my Stoli and Sprite...don't get me wrong, there was a decent crowd...but all industry cats. You know? "I have an agenda, and you aren't included in it; but please buy my album when it comes out on the 12th of Never." Yeah. Wack...


In other news:


I need a job.



Well, I'll post later.


Be Safe or Be Smitten.

Well...I don't have a job

...so I went to the club. Makes sense right? Not really, I know...but here are some pics anyway. I didn't even get drunk...only had like, three or four drinks. My homeboy Jon Concert put on one hell of a show, and I met a dope chick there with her angry friend. Here are the pics finally. I'll recap after I part the clouds of depression.




Yeah, so this is part of the sound check...I think he was living his dream as a band conductor...Cab Calloway he is not.


Honestly, one of this cat's best skills, but least actually used.



Waiting...and watching wack dancing.


Looking to have that GQ shot...not sure if it came through.



Part of the actual performance. Really, really hot show...I just wish more people were there.




Honestly, I think my friend thinks that he is Lupe Fiasco...can you not see it?





...and this was one of the promoters; one of the few chicks there that would actually talk to someone else besides the friends she came there with.




All in all, a good night. Could it have been better? Sure. I'll just have to see what happens next time out.


Until then,


Be Safe or Be Smitten!

Last time today, I promise

I don't know if maybe I have a lot to say today, or if I have just been holding all this stuff in, but I can tell you what, this whole purging business is making me feel some better.

I think that personally, I need to find out what I actually like about myself. I mean, I don't NOT like myself, no self-loathing found here...but I don't think that I value what I have and what I can do. I can count lots of values and skills that I have that no one else has around me...I dunno. I guess I've focused so much on not thinking about my good qualities, and just focusing on the bad that has made me not appreciate myself as much as I should. I'm not saying I'm gonna hang posters of myself around my apartment, but I need to realize that I'm not a fuck-up, I'm not a bad guy, I may be harsh with those I care about, but it's because I don't want to see them have pain in the future. I need to realize this before I bind my life with another; whether it's a wife, a child...or both. I need to be able to give positive reinforcement...and I think I don't give it because it is so rarely given to me. I mean, when people tell me something nice about myself, I don't even know how to take it or what to say in response. Is that odd?

I know there isn't really anyone out there that reads this thing...but I wish someone would tell me that I'm not overanalyizing this, and that other people feel or have felt this way in times past. Just like I want to know that my yearning for a spouse isn't nuts...and it's ok to want one. I mean, honestly...if I was able to buy one, I would. Like if it were a shoe or something, not a mail-order bride...I don't want that type of commitment.

It's just hard: and people don't give life the respect that it is due. You have to live it until your life is over...you deal with it everyday. Your existence is intertwined with others...so you are important to someone. It's just that sometimes you want that someone to be your someone...even if they are the wrong one. These self-help books don't work; and half the time I bet their lives aren't a walk in the park either. I just want to be honest, love, live, and enjoy. Nothing in that statement is vain...nothing in that statement is selfish...I just need to keep going and hopefully things will fall into place like Connect Four.


Be Safe or Be Forgotten.

Don't know about this one...

But I think I'm gonna stop having sex for a while. I mean, I can handle ONS anymore, (that's One Night Stand for those who aren't acronym friendly). I physically throw up just thinking about doing that again. I don't know anyone that I want to have a real relationship with right now...I mean, I know plenty of women; but there is only one person that I'd do that with, and they aren't in state...

Anyway, if she moves, or if I move, then maybe I won't keep this up...but chances are, since no one is on the horizon, I'm gonna stop doing the nasty...but I'll tell you one thing...it will surely be missed.

Typical white woman

I'm going to apologize up front for this post: If you are white, and a woman, and you are easily offended, please don't read the rest of this post.



Don't say I didn't warn you...



Now, I'm going to say this upfront; I'm not racist. And honestly, if I had've been treated like this by anyone else, I'd say this is just a woman thing, instead of a white woman thing. I mean, I've had two different white woman relationships in the past 20 months...well, one was a "relationship" the other wasn't suppose to be...


Now, with the chicks before, I "changed" their names...this time I really just don't give a fuck...

Jenn, with two nn's...She was ok, at first. I mean, hotel stays, great gifts, and the sex was pretty good too...so what was the problem? In the back of her head, she was waiting on some alcoholic fuck to "clean up"...when he sobered up for 3 months after 7 years of her begging him to change his life, she runs to him...so am I mad, yes. I mean, I had it all: I had the freedom to do what I wanted to do, she gave amazing gifts, and she gave it up on the regular...I mean, I wasn't emotionally invested anymore, so I really just liked the sex and the stuff...I mean, she was someone I could go do things with. It was beyond dating; you can't take a date on the stuff I like to do, because when you do, they like you to quickly. So yeah, I was frustrated...so I got someone for a rebound.

Kimberly, Kim...Special K

She was a nice piece of ass. Point blank. Maybe a movie, maybe dinner, always sex. One time, it was so good to me, I bought her some Jordan's. Jordan's people. That's grade A vag...


So what happened to that? She was confused with what our relationship entailed, talked about securing her life with someone, and I was just trying to secure a Friday Booty Night...I don't think she got it. I mean, she tried to be a friend, and I'm like, what's the point? All we did was bone and go places...and honestly, if I could've gotten away with it, I would've just had sex, and sent her on her way...then I would've gone out with my friends afterward.


So why am I pointing the blame to white women specifically? Because they seem to process information differently. I mean, I would say something like, "I don't like raisins." ...you know what they'd do? Buy me a box of raisins...the economy size from Sam's Club. Now I don't mean this literally, but it's just a simple example without me rehashing the issue...

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there are white women that give a shit about someone other than themselves; especially when what is wanted is stated in the beginning. The thing is, I'm not sure that I'll be able to give them a chance...now this doesn't mean I won't ever have sex with another white woman, it just means that right now, I don't know that I can fully trust another white woman...maybe it was because I WAS emotionally attached to the first one...because right now, I really wish she'd take herself, her family, and her alcoholic wonder, and play twister on hot lava...is that mean?

If it is, I don't care. It's still not as bad as she made me feel.

Be Safe or Be Deceased...